when do you start accepting it all?????

[anniebear]

From what I have read so far, some of you have older children with Special Needs.

Can I ask, do you think you can ever accept your child's disability and move on in life? (pretty deep I know and it's past my bedtime!)

My Daughter Ellie fell ill at the age of 8 months, until then she was a healthy baby. She will be three in two weeks time.

Obviously I don't cry as much as I used to but still am at the point were I think it is all so unfair, why us? why not the horrible families who don't keep their kid's safe and don't look after them properly?

I wouldn't wish illness on any another child, but it seems really unfair when you see children in cars with no seat belts, young children playing out when it is dark, I could go on... Then there is us and plenty of others who do everything within our capabilities to try to keep our child as safe as possible and she gets a serious illness that leaves her with brain damage.

Do these, sometimes bitter, feelings disappear? I thought I would be accepting it all by now but I am not.

I feel like I have been robbed of my little girl and often think what she would have been like.

I am sorry to do a depressing e mail. I am sure many of you feel as I do.

Many people ask me how I cope. I just shrug and say "you just do" What else can you do?

Hi Annibear - One of the things I now try and do is separate my dd's special needs and my dd as an actual person. I am not sure if anyone will understand what I mean but for so long I went on about her problems and was very emotional and now I try and adore her for the beautiful girl that she is. I also try and ignore insensitive comments that have been made. IMO it is their ignorance, not mine.
I do find it hard still but now that dd is approaching her 5th birthday the progress she has made has been remarkable and all I can say is that we are extremely proud of her!
Sometimes I cry and get angry over silly things but am no way near as bad as I used to be.
I am just trying to get on with life the best way I can and lead a normal life as possible (whatever that is?)

Caroline5 - That's awful. I bet you felt like hitting them with it instead

My dd is three and a hlf and was diagnosed with a physical disability when she was 6 months.
I too, often ask why us? why her? why why why!?
The replies here have been lovely, and it is great to know you're not alone in your feelings.
I don't think I will truly come to terms with dd's disability. To be honest, for me it has only recently started to hit me. As a baby her disabilties wern't obvious, no other child could do what she couldn't anyway.
It's only now at this age, when she's starting to mix with others and struggling endlessly to do what they do (stubborn madam, will not accept that she can't do some things! ) that the full force of her disbilities is starting to affect me.
I have cried a lot too, and still do!
It's heartbreaking to think of all that she will miss in life, on the flip side though I make a concious effort to see, and notice everything she can do, and for these things I am forever grateful.

Caroline

Some other parents are so rude. I am waiting for (and dreading) the day somebody makes a comment about Ellie. But instead of all the things I plan to say back to them I will probably go home and cry!!!!

Chonky
Know what you mean about listening to other people. I have to bite my lip when People complain of tiredness, with no reason to and I am sitting there thinking "you don't know what tiredness is"!!!

Also people will say about things that are happening in their lives and I obviously listen and sow compassion but often inside I am thinking " My Daughter has brain damage and nearly died and you are going on about how bad your life is and it is trivial"

But as you said peoples problems are bad to them, hopefully they will never have gone through and never will go through what we go through.

Off to clear a mound of cornflakes that Ellie has placed on the table!!!!

Ok, I don't sow compassion, I try to SHOW it!!!!!!!!!!! It is only 7.30am so I am allowed a few mistakes!!!