Autism Help.

[Naz786]

Hi I have a 4 year old boy who has ASD. I don't have much help from family and his behaviour is getting bad to worse. Does anyone know what could be done I mean behaviour therapy or something. Also has anyone been to a place called brainwave? They charge £500 and asses your child over 2 days and put strategies and plans in place to try at home? I am getting desperate any help or advice is appreciated. Single mom and it's getting tough for me by the day. Thank you in advance

Hi. Sorry to hear things are tough. One of the best things we did was to read The Incredible Years book. Rather than using discipline and control, it helps be more positive and avoid problems. As our DS has got older we've got better at this and home life is easier. So it's not been therapy for him - more us changing our reactions.

Some things to try: Put up visual timetables. Pre-warn all activity changes/transitions with count downs or timers. We do 20 mins 10 mins 5 mins 2 mins. Or 3, 2, 1, now.

Try to tell him what you want rather than not - e.g. Keep the water in the cup or quiet voice or be gentle etc. Expect to repeat most instructions a lot! Remind him to look at your face to see if he can tell if you are happy/angry etc.

Our DS responds to marbles. He gets a marble when he does something good/correctly etc. Then swaps the marbles for a treat - best to use things like play a game of his choice, read a story together, play Lego together. It depends on the severity of his ASD I suppose - our son is at the Asperger end so is verbal - although his attention is all over the place.

It's exhausting at that age. But preventing problems makes things much easier as you deal with fewer meltdowns.

Try looking on YouTube at Asperger Experts too. They do a hard sell but lots of videos used to be free and the stuff about "safe space" was really helpful for us too.

Good luck

Ps sorry forgot to say we went to Brainwave. The OT and SALT we saw were lovely but we had a susbsidised place. Do ask about those if you are on a low income. They will give you stuff to do like I've listed above so maybe try those first before Brainwave

Thank you so much for your reply I will try what you have said. My son is struggling with verbal side. If u don't mind can I ask what exactly did brainwave ask you to do at home is it just the stuff you have explained ? You might save me the 500 as I'm not working and struggling financially

Hey OP... What behaviours is your son displaying ??

I don't know about Brainwave but I'm reluctant to suggest getting independent reports unless it's for education purposes ( seeking EHCPs) diagnosis's or if the assessment is needed to do follow up therapy.

The ICAN Meath school offer a free SLT and an educational assessment for parents who are on low income... though I'm not sure if it's for parents who are looking for a place at the school in order to get an assessment. I'm not sure, call and ask.

I will apply for an EHCP... when DS was younger.. sites like "teachmetotalk" was very helpful... the Outofsync child is a good book to read.

You can speak to your nearest sure start centre and ask if they run behaviour courses... the most common is triple P... some parents have not found this helpful for their ASD children but for me it helped to focus on DS positive behaviours.

When DS was going through a really bad stage... I created a visual timetable of what I want him to do " Sit nicely, talk quietly (not shouting).... etc etc.

I find when DS was that age who has and still has social/speech language and communication difficulties is mainly to due with the frustration of not being able to communicate and amongst other things. My DS is very good at labelling feelings and can easily identify emotions but he has trouble expressing this himself. So when he felt overwhelmed... I hoped he would eventually tell me " mum, I need a break" "Mum, I feel sad because....". What helped was reading stories to him... I'll ask him " how does that character feel... or why is he upset". This helped DS relate his emotions to the characters in the book... so now, DS can say things like " I feel upset" without going into a huge meltdown.

The book "Hansen more than words" is good also.

Hi Naz. Yes - Brainwave will train you to deliver "therapy" which is effectively you changing the way you interact and react to your child. I have described quite a few of the basics above - so defo do those before paying for anything else. I know that is not really what you want to hear but if you don't have a lot of cash to spare it is probably best to find out from me rather than paying out for the same advice :/

I've not used Hanen but lots of people say it is useful. I know people who borrowed it from the library as it is an expensive book.

I got the Incredible Years second hand off amazon so it wasn't too much to buy. There is also a website which is useful.

Have you asked whether there is any post-diagnosis help? We were sent on a parenting course run by our local CAMHS. It helped a bit but the best thing was meeting other parents and not feeling quite so alone with it all.

It sounds like you really need support for yourself. I also managed to find a local group of mums with kids on the spectrum. Everyone is having a hard time but they are all so generous with their time and advice. There are also other groups started by local parents offering courses and support after they got fed up with finding no official sources. If you have a forum for local parents of disabled children, they may be able to point you towards a similar group in your area. Or you could ask your local SEN team at the local authority or ask at your local special school.

I definitely agree with the other poster who said you should be applying for an EHCP. Having things go smoothly at school will be essential for having a good home life. So do get started on this if you haven't already.

Thank you so much for your advice my main concern is when my sons hungry he won't ask for food . He loves to go to the park but when it's time to leave he will scream the place down. However yesterday I did briefly talk to him before we left home and he seemed a lot calmer and played in the playground otherwise he loves to chase birds and I end up running after him all round the park. He has no danger awareness that's another thing I always worry about.do you have a pet? I thought of getting a kitten but he started screaming when the owner came to drop her off so had to say no.yes I do need support for myself also and I am in touch with autism West Midlands so I will be attending there

Sorry forgot to mention there is an ehc plan in place for him. Sen are still trying to find a school for Him

Oops - where we all sit together and try to get him used to the non food parts (social aspects) of a meal. It's not easy! He really doesn't want to sit still but now he's 8 he has got a bit better. Getting a seat he could get in/out of himself at about age 3 or 4 helped as he felt less trapped.

Unfortunately you need to think about what your key issues are and then try to figure out what will help your son deal with things better. Making things visual helps a lot. So for the park - if that's one of your problem areas - you could try making a dial out of a paper plate with an arrow that you can show him through the visit with the arrow moving around and maybe a picture of your house at the end? I only need countdowns for park trips but I need visual supports for getting off the computer!! So everyone is slightly different and it's tricky figuring things out.

Definitely do the visual timetable for each day. You can buy posh ones or make your own out of an Argos catalogue and some magazines! That might be detailed for the day showing get up / breakfast / teeth / dressed / nursery or activities or snacks & meals during day / home / playtime / supper / bath / stories / bed - or whatever steps you take. Or in our house we don't need a daily schedule when it is school and predictable but we have one for holidays when our routine is different.

Once you have your list of different issues to solve maybe try posting on this SN Board - one thread per issue - describing it in more detail and asking for ideas to try. Include details earlier in the day before your problems occur as often it's odd stuff you haven't thought of that build trouble in the background.

Good luck

That's odd - the first part of my thread disappeared! I said my DS has massive issues with food. We have regular mealtimes and snacks and he gets Support at school otherwise he'd eat nothing :/

Yes I did not see that part of the thread my son won't /can't ask for food I am always guessing when he's hungry so that will be a big problem in school

When you get the chance get that added to his EHCP or care plan. youll be able to book a meeting with the SENCO and teachers to discuss this before he starts too

zzzzz that app sounds great!

Thank you so much that ap sounds fantastic going to download immediately and I am trying everything to help him I quit work in January this year just so I could support him and help him before school trying everything. If you have any more ideas pls post. Can't take DS to unfamiliar place even to relatives as he has meltdowns I tried last week he cried a good 45 mins went into screaming mode and after that decided to play in their garden. So weddings birthdays parties impossible

Hi no he can't ask questions like who what why ect.he has words but can only join 3-4 words together. He struggles to put sentences together. He will say let's go black car. Meaning he wants to sit in my car. Let's go park. So I will say lunch first then park he will then calm down and eat his lunch whilst eating he will also repeat the same thing. Only recently he's learnt to say his own name. He doesn't really use many names but sometimes says let's go nannys house. Absolutely loves the park. If I say things slowly and break things down like shower first then nannies house. He is better. He's still in nappies and he will be 5 next week struggling with potty training

I am trying everything to help him I quit work in January this year just so I could support him and help him before school trying everything

Don't forget OP, Autism is a long Journey, he would always need your support... in this part of his young life it's about his speech and language needs when he gets to his teens it may be about supporting him in his relationships. What's also important is that you need time for YOU, to have your own life, your own hobbies.

I do agree with you notgivingin789 I don't really have much time for myself when I do it's always buying them stuff reasearching the net for info and ringing around for anything I might see helpful, I do need to make time for myself and do the things I like and I do need a reminder sometimes. Their dad never used to help out much we argued a lot but he always encouraged me to look after myself.

zzzz I just used " in the early years the focus is on speech and language needs" as an example.. for DS it certainly was but for other children this may not be the case and every child with Autism is different and will follow different paths.

I don't think me wanting my child to speak is following a NT path ( if that's what you meant). Communication is a basic human right and even if DS may not speak in the NT way. There's other forms of alternative communication that can take place in verbal speech. Right now, DS is using a high tec AAC as his verbal dyspraxia is hindering him greatly. I reckon he will always need this. I think it's important to find other means of alternative communication incase verbal speech is severely impaired or doesn't happen at all.