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Original poster

Is it okay if I pop over here tonight? I am feeling so upset after reading DS's report.

34 replies

pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 21:30

I don't normally post in this section, as my DS hasn't got a dx yet, but he does have problems & I am totally convinced he is dyspraxic.
He has had various problems since nursery days. Initially the worry was mainly with his social & interaction problems, but he was very late learning to pedal properly, walk down stairs one foot at a time, dress himself etc.
He started school in the top group for his ability, but I knew he wouldn't stay there long, as he had such poor concentration, and tbh he appears pretty lazy & doesn't have the drive to learn that other children his age seem to.
He has an IEP & is under school action +, but school seem to have come to a bit of a stand still re getting him loooked at. (I am trying to do this myself now)
He moved from top group to core group in year 1, which I felt more relaxed with, as I knew he wouldn't keep up with the top group, but now in year 2 he has been put on the bottom table because he requires so much 1:1 attention.
He has terrible problems concentrating, organising himself, writing (his writing is really bad & he still reverses some letters & numbers), his social skills are appalling & he is often sat on his own in the playground, which is heartbreaking to watch, (I also work in the school) and he is quite immature compared to his peers.

I know he has problems & I know exactually what he's like, so should be prepared to hear his teacher tell me (in a very diplomatic way) what he is struggling with in class & I should be perpared to read the same kind of things in his school report - so why do I still spend the whole evening in tears after every parents evening & every report I read?

Today DS brought his report home & it was a very depressing read. It basically told me he struggles with everything & his effort was disappointing in all subjects.

I have been tearful since reading it. I just don't know what I can do to help & feel I should have been doing more at home with him.
I hear him read every night, but I feel I must have failed for him to have sloped so badly in 2 years.
His report just seemed so negative & grey.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 23/02/2007 21:42

sorry you had such a bad report, shocking that they couldn't put anything positive in it, if i were you i would be pushing for a DX cos then school may have to take more notice and it is clear they are not meeting his needs if he is not making progress.

onlyjoking9329 · 23/02/2007 21:43

and of course it's ok to pop over here we are very welcoming.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 21:49

The only positive I could find was "He has performed some good work in gymnastics this term!"
Even his reading (which is his strong point) was "DS is progressing with his reading but finds comprehension tasks more challanging."
He still got a 3 for effort, which = disappointing.

I have asked at school re getting him referred, but they don't seem to be in a rush at all. My HV wants me to wait until things have calmed at home, so she isn't pushing either.
I went & spoke to the gp about him myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 21:53

His father wouldn't even read the report because he said it would be too depressing.

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onlyjoking9329 · 23/02/2007 22:02

do not wait for schoolor HV to do anything, it will be a long wait, ask for a referal to a developmental pead, my three have autism but pretty sure my twin girls also have dyspraxia & dyslexia. i know it doesn't seem right but you do have to push for everything, from statementing throu to DLA.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 22:05

I have asked at the doctors & they have said for me to bring him in with me, with another adult who can take him out of the room when needed.
I will make another doctors appt, just need to find someone to come with me. (My parents are very anti him being labelled)

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 23/02/2007 22:09

what i did when i first went to the doctors was a took a list of all concerns so that i didn't need to say stuff in front of the kids.
family are funny MIL always said there was nothing different about our kids, think it was denial

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 22:19

I can devise a list easily enough...quite a long one!

My parents get cross whenever I mention that DS may well have a problem. They say I must fight for him & not let him get a label. They think I should just get him a private tutor & be done with it!

I feel a little uncomfortable at the thought of discussing DS with the GP while he is sitting in the room with us.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 23/02/2007 22:29

can you make an appointment with the doctor for DS but not take him then the doctor will have his file and you can meet with the doctor and have a chat, you can take ds at a later date.

onlyjoking9329 · 23/02/2007 22:33

thing is all this wait and see stuff from school and HV is not helping DS and is not helping his self esteem.
you need to push things along, which is easy for me to say, having done 3 lots of DX and three statements 9 lots of DLA and loads of other battles it's second nature for me now.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 22:41

I went to the doctor alone & expressed my concerns, asking if she could maybe refer him on.
She told me that I was to come back with DS, as they like to actually see the children for themselves before referring.
Will get him an appt for next week, as I am so worried about him.
I will find someone to come along with me. Maybe his dad will come along & take him out of the room when needed.
I can't ask my parents!

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theheadgirl · 23/02/2007 22:44

PC this sounds awful for you, but it could be the point where you maybe turn things around for your DS. If he get properly assessed, he can get the help he needs. I agree with OJ, about making an appt with your GP, even without DS there. Making a list first is also going to be useful. I can't understand what the HV is waiting for. Also pick your GP if poss, choose one at the practise you feel comfortable with. Good luck with it all PC, keep us updated.

MrsPhilipGlenister · 23/02/2007 22:44

Really sorry you've got all this worry with DS1, pinkchampagne .

I definitely agree with pushing things along by taking him to the GP. Hope his dad will play ball and help you.

Am thinking of you,

Dino

theheadgirl · 23/02/2007 22:49

Sorry crossed posts - I see you've tried that step. There's nothing for it but to keep going though, until you get a referral for a multi disciplinary assessment. OJ is right that you often have to fight for everything, but getting that initial diagnosis does help.

coppertop · 23/02/2007 22:54

Sorry about the report.

What are the school actually doing to help with ds' difficulties? Are they doing anything to help with his fine motor skills or even his social skills?

Well done for talking to the GP. Fingers crossed for you that you can find someone to go with you. The horrible report might prove to be a useful piece of evidence for you that (a) Ds is having real difficulties, and (b) that the school aren't meeting his needs so it might be worth taking it with you.

As OJ says, you're more than welcome to post here.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 23:12

The TA takes him out with a couple of others during assembly time & does exrta work with him. Ds said to me "I go out with mrs * because I'm special!"
Not sure what else they are doing other than having him on the bottom table, where he will get more attention.
The thing is, he is quite a clever boy, but he cannot put pencil to paper & he needs constant pushing to get on.
In the literacy section of DS's report, it says "When writing he is able to put his ideas down but continues to find handwriting difficult. This will be taken into consideration when working with an adult, but he will be expected to work independently at times."
He has got a 3 C for every subject, which says he is working below year group expectation & his effort is disappointing.

In reception year, we had extra meetings with his class teacher & SENCO, but now all that seems to have stopped & his problems are becoming more & more concerning.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 23:16

Will take the report along to the GP with me as extra evidence.

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Original poster
pinkchampagne · 23/02/2007 23:37

And thank you all for making me feel so welcome

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 24/02/2007 09:00

if he is not making progress then i would be asking for a meeting with teacher and senco and would want a list of things that school were doing/ going to do to help him.
what does it have on his IEP?

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 24/02/2007 09:32

I think I may well be doing just that, OJ!

His IEP has things like getting him to try & complete tasks (another thing he struggles with), try to develop his levels of concentration, encourage him to contribute in class & group discussions (he is also very self conscious) and to work on his handwriting.

I have had no extra meetings with the teacher & SENCO since him moving to year 2, yet the problems seem more noticable than ever!
I will try & catch the SENCO on Monday & tell her I would like to talk with her about DS.
I am thinking of writing a little comment on the report slip too.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 24/02/2007 09:42

His IEP has things like getting him to try & complete tasks
----

this seems to me too general a comment, they should state one task for him to complete
----

try to develop his levels of concentration,
---
so what are school doing to help him to achieve this?

encourage him to contribute in class & group discussions
--
how are school helping with this?
---

work on his handwriting.

again too general, how will they mark this as achieved?
IMHO IEPs goals should be achievable within a short time frame, they need to build the childs confidence up to help them continue to achieve.

Original poster
pinkchampagne · 24/02/2007 10:02

He also has a provision map, which is a new thing.
This has a target of getting him to hold his pencil effectively, helping him to improve his handwriting.

They have ticked off the things they are doing to help him, which include additional adult support within small group (which I know he's getting), visual clues, short, simple instructions given & repeated instructions.

I have just found his report from last July, and much as there were the odd 3C (for PE & DT), the other subjects were all 2S's (which indicates he was working in line with year group expectation & his effort was satisfactory), so either he has sloped pretty badly, or the teacher is expecting a lot more now they are in year 2.

It appears last year he was getting an A for effort in literacy (good) and now he is getting a 3, which = disappointing.

I am just beside myself with it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkchampagne · 24/02/2007 10:03

That should say 2C, not 2S! My rubbish typing!!

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jhyesmum · 24/02/2007 10:27

Hope you don't mind me butting in. It has struck a few cords with me!

My DS is 7 and he is a YR2. He is at the bottom of YR1.

He has got ADHD, and was diagnosed with that last October. He is now on Ritolin, which is really, really helping him and I really hope he will now catch up.

I felt exatly the same as you the fact that they seem to slope down so quickly. My DS was fine in reception, but during YR1 he struggled and hasn't really progressed from there.

I blamed myself thinking that I wasn'tdoing enough with him, but it'snothing to do with that. I have had to come to terms with that.

He has a wonderful teacher who has assured me that he willbe ok, and he has a wonderful TA to does a lot of one to one with him.

All I can say is keep pushing with the GP etc. you know your child, and if you think there is something wrong, trust your intuition. We did, and we're now getting some where.

Good Luck!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/02/2007 11:04

Hi,

Would ask the GP to refer your son to a developmental paediatrician as a matter of course. Your son could as well do with also seeing an occupational therapist. This can also be arranged through the paed. Despite what others may say (and I would say that they are in denial because its easier for them) he needs a diagnosis. A diagnosis should be seen as a signpost into getting more help.

Stuff anyone who tells you to keep waiting. Waiting is not going to achieve anything but waste time. You are your son's best and only advocate.

Can you get a trusted friend to go along with you to the GPs?.

His IEP to my mind is far too generalised (as many such SA plus programs actually are) and will not give him enough support. Such plans have no teeth and are not legally binding.