How does everyone feel about the word 'handicapped'?

[heartinthecountry]

Just asking because in current issue of Junior they use the word twice in two pages (different articles). It really leapt out at me. Part of me wondering whether to write letter pointing this out. (Never normally do that sort of thing) But am I overreacting? Just think it has such negative connotations. What do others think? Does it matter? Is 'handicapped' any worse than 'disabled'? Does it really make any difference to how people with disabilities are seen?

Junior is the only parents mag I've come across that actually seems to recognise SN and disabilities so was surprised to see it there. Is it just sloppy journalism?

Aargh! This thread is far too long for me to catch up on and I'm just resurfacing after a busy day and football!!
I think the word handicapped is vile but I DO use it sometimes as it is a word that embarrasses people, therefore I use it when dealing with ignorant people. I would never use it with nice, helpful, friendly people as it would embarrass them too.
I don't know what has been said about using the word "disabled", I'll read the whole thread sometime over the next few days From my experience as a Parent Rep on various groups for my borough I have come to learn a new vocab which is designed to help people talk about delicate matters without being offensive. THerefore "children looked after" used to "in care", then you get all the visually, hearing impaired categories, there's "young people" which seems to cover ages around 12-18 or so etc etc. THe correct way to use words like disabled or autistic is an individual WITH a disability or WITH autism. THe whole idea that children like my son are "just different" I find rather offensive and mealy mouthed. He is not just different, he is disabled by his condition, special needs, disorder, disability whatever you want to call it. It is because he is affected as he is and is not just different that we claim DLA and Carer's Allowance etc. If he were just different we wouldn't qualify. It took me by surpise to think of him as "disabled" at first as its not a word you would otherwise use in day-to-day life and, even now, I may not use the word disabled but have developed various phrases such as "cognitively less able" etc, more to make other people feel comfortable and not react against whatever it is I am trying to say at the time. Personally I don't have a problem with the word "disabled" and, in fact, have found it a very useful and productive group to belong to in society.

also i told thomas the other day that ok he is classed as having a disability...there fore he is technically disabled.....but that for me he is therefore 'enhanced' as he comes with loads of 'hidden extras' that others miss out on!!!!

This followed him asking me why some kids talk in a strange way in the SN classes at his school- i was explaining C.P and the dreaded word 'Spastic' used by boys at my school ....must admit i hated that word then as much as i hate handicapped now!

tried relating it to him in a sensative way- but he still cannot at 10 see that HE is disabled......so to be honest it obviously doesn't matter to him as in true asperger's fashion he probably sees all the NT's as disabled as they don't share his talents to talk constantly about HIS subject 24/7!!!!!

Just a little aside... my mum has a friend who works for Scope. As you know Scope used to be the Spastic Society but changed name because of the way children used the word 'spazzy' etc. Apparently children have now been heard to use the word 'scopey' in the same way.....

I agree Davros. To be honest, the thing that always makes me cringe the most is when people say so-and-so is Down's or is ASD, as opposed to has. It just seems to imply that the syndrome is all they are, rather than something that some people just have.

I completely agree about the word handicapped, but I do get caught up sometimes with some words. For example, although the word retarded would never be used (thank god) in a medical context, the term "mental retardation" as a feature of certain disorders is used all the time in the medical literature. When I'm writing papers for science journals I would find it a bit odd to have to use "learning disabled" because that tends to imply a milder condition in that particular context. I guess we just all have to think hard about the words we use, and be guided at all times by the preferences of people who actually have the conditions we're describing, or their parents.

I got tbh I dont have a problem with the use of 'mental retardation' in science papers, its the tw*ts (for want of a better word) who use the word 'retard' as a piss take

gawd my language is awful today, I must have PMT

I haven't solved how to describe DS. He isn't really disabled - certainly not on the social model - but does have what our consultant calls 'a significant deformity' - which I certainly don't feel like adopting. The technical explanation is so long-winded and complicated as there isn't a specific name for the collection of 'one-offnesses' of his leg design...and I sometimes resort to saying 'he's got a dodgy leg'...hardly PC! (and I only ay that in close circles where I know awareness is high).

HE says 'I'm a bit wobbly'!

Ds2 says he has wonky legs Blu

maybe that's the problem. Its not the words themselves but how they are used/ the associations that have built up around them.

Agree with your point about 'mental retardation' and severity tamum. I do think that sometimes when I describe dd as having 'learning difficulties' to some people they think 'oh, she'll need a bit of extra help doing maths then'. When to me, it means she may never learn to talk or walk. The literature about her condition does describe 'mental retardation' and that's fine because it not meant in an offensive way but I would never ever describe her that way to anyone else.

Well, there we are Lou! Sorted! Out with the scary language that makes everyone feel nervous, and in with language that is accurate and everyone understands, and sounds quite sweet: Wonky and Wobbly! (or wobbyee as DS pronounces it).

(I do know a highly poilitical adult with a mobility disability who typically describes herself as 'the wobbly walking'

Stowaway winkie, there!

heartinthecountry you put it so much better than I did

I totally agree Blu. Nice and smiley words all round .

As an aside, ds2 is getting a bit cheeky (he's 3). Dh took him for a physio session and he was mainly trying to be silly and play about, so his physio was going to great lengths to explain what she wanted him to do. Dh says ds2 looked up at her in mid flow and said "blah blah blah"! Luckily she found this funny.

Oh heavens, I just re-read what I write- I meant to say learning difficulties, not learning disabled (not a phrase I've ever even heard before!)

What I wrote!!!!!

I think 'learning disability' is a term that is used. Infact, I was thinking maybe that would be a better way of describing dd!

HIC what is your daughters diagnosis? if you dont mind me asking

Thanks, I feel marginally better now . It's just so hard to convey the idea that problems have degrees of severity without being offensive, sometimes. I can really see what you mean about the "needing a bit of help with maths" thing.

whats the matter tamum? you shouldnt worry about being offensive! I think you would have to try really hard to offend people as you always come accross as being so nice

I've heard learning disabled and learning disability- and use it as a term myself. A learning difficulty sounds to mild for many of the children I know and doesn't begin to convey their difficulties.

I usually say that dd has SN - it's a catch-all phrase because DS doesn't just cause her to have a learning disability but is also physically disabling and has made her half deaf. Saying that she is 'disabled' sounds really weird, makes me think of a disabled car alarm or something LOL i.e. one that isn't working and of course dd is certainly not switched off and inactive!

Sorry this might be a bit off the point and I don't mean to butt in, but if someone comments about my disability, I remind them that we are ALL disabled in someway. Some people wear glasses, some need help with steps, walking, others have difficulty with, Reading, writing maths, I could go on. But what is normal?
Certainly not a muscular 6 pack man, or a skinny 6ft model.
So I remind people that it is how you perceive others and that you should not take anything for granted.

Asside from this if you put a group of 'diabled' people in a room together, they will normally all end up laughing at things said and done by so called 'normal' people, and most disabled people have a large repetoire of jokes involving disability, not because they are sick jokes, but normally quite funny and they use them as a way of putting down a so called 'normal' person, using humour. And as a disabled person you can get away with telling jokes about epileptics if you have epilepsy or wheelchairs if you are in a wheelchair, and it makes the person think, without insult and can lighten the atmosphere.

I hope I have made sense.
When I was a child growing up, my father, if alive would be well into his late 80's, was embarassed by having a dd who was not perfect. I lived with this and I hope that no parent ever feels embarassed by their child. If it is disabled then it is a special gift as I am sure you are aware.

Finally I went to a thalidomide AGM not so long ago and it took quite a while to get 'order' as they were all exchanging the latest 'thlid jokes'. We can laugh at ourselves, we can laugh with other people, what I personally can not take is the no eye contact, look of embarassement and the not knowing if to ask about your disability. It is sad, but children are so honest, and get told off for staring, I do not expect the world to change for me, I am a minority group, but I will not sit on my backside and say, 'woe is me' as some disabled people do.
Sorry did not mean to go on, as you can see I have come across all sorts of prejudice and I don't believe in just letting it go, but neither do I expect special treatment.

oh, and people saying that dd IS down's just make me cringe and I do correct them. Had one physio once who kept referring to dd and other children with DS simply as 'Downs' - i.e. 'another little down's was born last week' - urgh.

I think I'd have slapped her. It's such sloppy use of language and so unbelievably thoughtless.

Bunglie - I am clearly way behind the MN times here - and hope you don't mind me asking - are you disabled as a result of Thalidomide?

Fio2 - don't mind you asking at all. My dd has Aicardi Syndrome. It is a pretty rare genetic (but not hereditary) condition that only affects girls. It is a spectrum disorder like Downs Syndrome or Autism and some girls are really severely disabled.. hence my comment that I don't know if my dd will walk or talk (though personally believe she will one day).