How does everyone feel about the word 'handicapped'?

[heartinthecountry]

Just asking because in current issue of Junior they use the word twice in two pages (different articles). It really leapt out at me. Part of me wondering whether to write letter pointing this out. (Never normally do that sort of thing) But am I overreacting? Just think it has such negative connotations. What do others think? Does it matter? Is 'handicapped' any worse than 'disabled'? Does it really make any difference to how people with disabilities are seen?

Junior is the only parents mag I've come across that actually seems to recognise SN and disabilities so was surprised to see it there. Is it just sloppy journalism?

sorry if I'm being dense, but can't people be handicapped by their environment as well?

Still not sure exactly what's wrong with using "handicapped".

Have to say though, that I rarely use either word, although I do come across fair numbers of people with special needs in my work. Thinking about it, I usually refer to "people with X condition" or "people with your particular problems".

Tissy - I don't know exactly why the politics went against handicapped - I have heard that it came originally from 'cap in hand' and therefore stressed the 'need for charity', which was demeaning - but don't know if that is accurate. It was the common language when the general consciousness around disability was much more paternalistic and 'aaah, poor thing' orientated, so perhaps that's what has given it less favourable associations.

It's funny, cos I always think of the word handicapped as in a horse-race.

The horse most likely to succeed is given an extra burden to carry to make it harder for him.

So perhaps we were thought most likely succeed in the fgirst place

satirical slideshow

Well... Handicapped is widely used in America to talk about special needs, it is not a nice word but it is far better than the Spanish equivalent which I find really discusting: subnormal

Way out of the conversation but I din't have the time to read the full thread, sorry...

Prefer disabled myself but I know that it is difficult and somehow whatever label one uses it doesn't seem quite to fit. I often have to explain that ds has a disability but like so many autistic kids he looks like any other kid. Even sometimes his behaviour isn't quite odd enough to show that he isn't understanding what is going on or can't help himself.

Anyone got a good explanation that our classroom teacher can give to the other kids who are already saying that ds is "naughty". So far she has said he has difficulty understanding language the same way some people can't see or hear very well. Do you think this is good enough? How much can a 5 year old be expected to understand about autism?

Eulia - In my limited experience on what to say and what not to say I think your Ds's teacher has worded it very well to the other pupils. Like you say they are only 5, what more can you tell them that they will take in and truly understand? Some individual pupils might understand more in depth explanations but to address each pupil the same, as a classroom of 5 yr olds, I think her explanation is a good one. However, as it's your son it would have to be something you feel happy with. her saying so if you feel that's not enough then sure think of something else / ask advice on what to say.

How about thiose books for children explaining these things. There's one for DS something about if I remeber correctly. It's for a sibling and explains the SN as as tory book. Perhaps one of the other MN know?

Eulia - In my limited experience on what to say and what not to say I think your Ds's teacher has worded it very well to the other pupils. Like you say they are only 5, what more can you tell them that they will take in and truly understand? Some individual pupils might understand more in depth explanations but to address each pupil the same, as a classroom of 5 yr olds, I think her explanation is a good one. However, as it's your son it would have to be something you feel happy with. her saying so if you feel that's not enough then sure think of something else / ask advice on what to say.

How about thiose books for children explaining these things. There's one for DS something about if I remeber correctly. It's for a sibling and explains the SN as as tory book. Perhaps one of the other MN know?

eulalia, I don't know if this actually fits your ds's style and maybe it's simplistic but I would have thought the general formula of "it will take him a bit longer to understand ..." (plus, if appropriate, "and we can all help him to try to learn by [whatever is a good tactic - don't know - buddying? helping draw pictures for social stories?]" ) is better than focussing on what he can't specifically do just now. It also sort of expands the debate - I was pleased with my ds's teachers when they decided to address his mild social difficulties by doing a "Stop! Think! before you act!" project for the whole class, so not singling him out while at the same time really helping him along.

Eulalia I have taken the 'slower to learn' explanantion aswell! it is simplistic but they are 5.

I am pretty sure the handicapped came from 'cap in hand'. In principal it is not offensive but I hate to hear it used, it is old fashioned as much as the use of the word 'backward' which my gran insists on using. Mind you that is better than my MIL's definition of 'not all there'!!! and this is from MY family who have my daughter who has special needs in it.

I am also not very good at PC either. Sometimes I think I give other people without sn children a hard time. But mumsnet is good for that, to come on and rant. maybe its because it makes me feel uncomfortable and embarassed that the 'other' person doesnt know what to say to me. Its like taking my daughter to a playbarn (she is 4) but I have to get there with her and help her (great fun for me though ) whilst all the mums look and drink coffee. maybe its me that has the problem?

No problem that the rest of us don't have though Fio2. I remember going to a party and all the kids were watching a magician and all the mums were standing around drinking wine, except for me and a friend with an autistic dd. We were charging around after them clearing up and trying to prevent chaos shouting a quick hello to each other. It's not that I don't want to make friend's with NT mums - it's just if I have ds1 with me I have no chance to talk to anyone.

I personally prefer being called disabled, but it means much the same, I don't like either, I am a 'special needs Adult' Why can children only have 'special needs'?
If I had ONE wish, I wish that I could make everyone disabled just for a day, and then the world would change. I do not ask for a cure as my disability has made me the person I am today ....strong willed and bl**dy minded?

I have a feeling that I'm just going to make things worse here, but... I have seen pics of fio2's dd, jimjams's ds, and Thomcat's dd, and as it happens they are all unusually lovely looking. I do completely accept your point about people saying something out of embarrassment, or as a kind of consolation prize, but there are some children, with and without SN, who you just can't help commenting on because looking at them makes you smile. Your 3 come into that category. On the other hand, although I'm sure Charlotte Moore's son is good looking, I hadn't actually registered that when I saw them on TV, so it wouldn't be the first thing I said about him if I ever met her.

I know I'm rambling a bit, but sometimes it is just a genuine reaction to the glowing loveliness of some children (mentioning no names ).

You and me both Bunglie

Just looked up handicap and it comes from 'hand in cap' - a game, apparently, where you put your hand in a cap (you don't say?) and pull out money. The legislation I use for my job still (surprisingly/unsurprisingly?) uses the word 'Handicapped' - defines it as 'chronically sick or disabled' So that clears it up then!

Tinker, I put my hand in my cap and there's no money! How do I make the money from being handicapped? I have had other people exclaim that I get pots of money from the state because I am disabled,. If only, That does make me cross, and I am 'means tested for everything. I had to adapt my own home, buy my own stairlift and electric buggies, but they do give me 2 manual wheelchairs, but I was means tested for a handle that the O.T. said I needed for safety, in my bathroom, after a home visit from hospital, and was not allowed home until I had paid to have it done. You see if you are disabled you are not entittled to any savings or anything, and the state certainly does not hand it out on a plate to me. If anyone can tell me what I am doing wrong please do. But my life is more expensive than the average persons and I have to foot the bill. All I get is DLA, and then some MP's claim it and they are earning a lot more than me!!

Bunglie - I think the term has sporting and gambling origins. Not defending its use, just explaining (badly it seems) its origin.

No Tinker, you explained it quite rightly, it was me who put the 'twist' on it. Just having a fed up day so thought I would throw my 2pennyworth in. Sorry!

Sorry to hear that Bunglie.

Yes Bunglie I agree - I hate it when people think you make lots of money out of being disabled. Having a disabled ds1 costs us a fortune- mainly in paying for services that he should be receiving via the NHS or form education. So in other words we are paying for it twice. And it costs us far far more than his DLA.

Ahh tamum- that's very sweet. Honestly I have no problem at all with people saying that ds1 is gorgeous, or lovely (for example our homeopath who completely gushes over him every time she sees him- she's really warmed to him for some reason). I think Blu said it better earlier. I have no problem really with terminology - or what is actually said - it's the feelings behind it. So I have a problem with the kind of "he's autistic" "oh BUT he's so gorgeous", as opposed to "he's autistic" "oh how does that affect him then blah de blah- doesn't he have the most gorgeous eyes".

I always give people a chance though. I recently met up with a long lost schoolfriend. She met ds1 fr the first time, and he started doing something a bit odd (kind of getting really close examining her) and she looked horrified. You could see she hads no idea what to do. The next time we met up though- she's obviously taken her cue from us and spoke to him in a farily normal way and just laughed when he started doing wierd stuff. After the first visit dh and I thought she may not come back!

The term handicapped is the one used in the States. We were really shocked the first time we heard it used- in a really matter-of-fact way, but having been back there since, they are still saying it. Perhaps the Junior writer is American?

I read that the 'cap in hand' thing came not from a game but from when wounded soldiers (with amputated limbs?) returned from the war and were 'allowed' to stand on street corners with their caps on the ground 'begging' for money. It gradually then got applied to anyone with a disability. I think in that context it is quite offensive. But maybe that's not true.

I also just found something on the internet which was saying that although some disabled people may refer to themselves as handicapped it doesn't mean journalists should, in the same way that a black person may refer to themself as nigger but its not acceptable for anyone else to (their comparison not mine).

Easy - I do find it interesting that as a 'person with disabilities' you are not offended by the word. love the 'racehorse built to win' thing by the way .

Jimjams - totally with you on the BUT thing with the gorgeous/beautiful comments. Of course its lovely that people say your child is gorgeous and of course it would be churlish to feel put out by it. And when someone says it out of genuine love/appreciation it isn't annoying at all. It's when people say it as a default or like it is some kind of compensation that it just niggles a bit.

I would say that I had a disability, ie I need hearing aids now to be able to hear, but I doubt I would ever describe myself as handicapped - unless, as in Jimjams' example, I was trying to make a point. I think the big problem is that people still tend to assume that a 'real' disability must be something immediately visible. Therefore if you have a child who LOOKS normal they must therefore BE normal.

I think the most bizarre comment I ever heard was a bus-driver who said to me, "Well you don't LOOK deaf." WTF does a deaf person look like??? This wasn't even a well-intentioned comment either. After I'd paid to get on and was looking for a seat, he said something. I assumed he was talking to someone else and sat down. Next thing I heard was:

"ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING???" in front of all the passengers. I very calmly said, "Yes, actually I am." I think he thought it was a wind-up until I pointed out that my hearing-aids weren't worn for fashion purposes.

He went very pale and got a few filthy looks from the other passengers. I doubt he'll make the same mistake again.

i prefer to say that my son's have a 'disability'....as with HFA much of the difficulties they have are 'hidden impairments' so if i say disabled people think wheelchairs.....really annoys me that this still happens.

sometimes i follow this with a
"which means that ....." type explanation....so that they get an idea of the 'less obvious disabilities'....for example a few weeks back i was in a shop and i said to the impatiant and pig minded person watching leigh 'performing' as unfortunately he will if we are in shops....and i said "My son has a disability and finds shopping very traumatic....and will probably start lying down any minute now"- and he did-blocking the aisle....now could have said a lot more- but usually find i just get angry and tearful....sometimes i explain that my sons can appear to have no common sense-or etiquette....but basiaclly i have to judge my audience....

finally.....something i would like to ask about 'visable' disabilities is whether you would help me deal with explaining my son's hidden probs...as i feel you must come across stares and comments alot....i assume sometimes you ignore- but how do you feel best ? would you rather someone asked you?

The other day tom was 'waggling' his arms....kind of flapping but not sooooo 'flapopy'....and i noticed a woman staring....so i simply looked at her ...and she turned away. I was happy with that- as i am aware that some of the behaviour they do WILL ATTRACT ATTENTION....and i can remember pre-kids 'noticing' strange noises or movements made by what i new then as 'handicapped' people (YUCK!) so now.....if i hear strange sounds i never turn round....just as if a child is having a tantrum i NEVER look.... but i also have an urge to tell these 'visibly' disabled people that i care and would love to 'share' our experiences....god! Does this make sense?