How does everyone feel about the word 'handicapped'?

[heartinthecountry]

Just asking because in current issue of Junior they use the word twice in two pages (different articles). It really leapt out at me. Part of me wondering whether to write letter pointing this out. (Never normally do that sort of thing) But am I overreacting? Just think it has such negative connotations. What do others think? Does it matter? Is 'handicapped' any worse than 'disabled'? Does it really make any difference to how people with disabilities are seen?

Junior is the only parents mag I've come across that actually seems to recognise SN and disabilities so was surprised to see it there. Is it just sloppy journalism?

Exactly TC It did have me incensed but it would have taken too much effort to produce something concise enough.

Now this week I have to write and ask why my son's statement is STILL not being met. Have rung the big boss so if no reply by the end of the week I will do a letter.

know EXACTLY what you mean TC. Infact I find it quite patronising that people feel they HAVE to comment on how pretty she is, as if thats her only strong point. But of course she is SO BEAUTIFUL and I am just being hypersensitive

Your streets ahead Twinkie!

aaagh don't even mention playschemese People have REAL trouble with children looking "normal" and being disabled- they can't handle it poor loves! Seriosuly though I've found that explaining his problems in full eg "he only understands nouns and set phrases, he does not understand any verbs or prepositions" etc etc will be met with a "ahh but he understands everything you say doesn't he?' NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! FFS NO!!!!!
However if my IL's are unable to grasp the problems then I guess I may be being unfair expecting strangers to!

And yes TC I can understand what you are saying about the "oh but she's beautiful" type comments. Often you see it written that autsitc children are "beautifuL". Now like any child they come in all shapes and sizes and levels of beaty. My pet theoryis that people cannot believe that children who are so disabled can be 'normal' looking so they assign extra beaty to them as a group.

Although of course ds1 is very beautiful

she has no conceptual language

even I have trouble understanding that one

actually I guess the surprised beauty comments just demonstrate that people equate diability with ugliness.

Nice world we live in.

Yeah, sad really.

Maybe those people are just caught unaware by the fact the she has DS and just want to say something nice to me/us?
Not saying that she isn't beautiful, she is, she's gorgeous.

Anyway, I'm not moaning too much about that one, this is more of an observational conversation that a moan okay!

Tc i am sur e they were trying to be polite the women,
I have read with interest what you have all said and it seems that unless we ar e careful people will find it hard to say aything ( in their often ill informed situations) without it being taken the wrong way!

well cods I am just a miserable old goat anyway

TC when is this parachute jump? Its not on sunday is it?

I know Coddy, it's just difficult sometimes when you feel like your child is always being judged and labelled etc. That's why i said that it was more an observation than a moan becasue people most of the time are just trying to be kind and don't always mean it the way it feels. I don't usually think too hard or too long about these things but bought it up here as it was in context to an ongoing conversation.

Fio - the jump is on Saturday 14th August - don't worry I'll remind you to get yourself down there!

"A rose by any other name would smell so sweet".

I was born in the 1960's and as a child who couldn't walk I went to a school for handicapped children. Somewhere in the late 70's I seem to have become 'a disabled person' instead.
A friend of mine who works in the public sector ow says that, officially, I'm 'a person with disability'.

To me, it doesn't matter how I'm labelled (don't like spaz much tho', as long as I have the opportunity to achieve my potential.

SERMON OVER

actually the nicest thing someone has said to me was ' does your daughter never stop smiling?'. The lady could tell she was 'different' but didnt make a point of it iykwim

Oh we're a funny sort us SN mums

TC glad I havent missed it, I kept think the other day I am sure its the 20th June! i will sponser you btwe dont think I am being a miser!

Nice post Easy. I agree really, it doesn't matter the label as long as you are allowed to reach your full potential. My concern however is that SOME people may not allow her, all be it accidently, to reach her full potntial becasue they consider her handicapped/disable/retarded. As long as whatever label they give her they don't then judge her by.

What's in a name - well in this case, it can be an awful lot. I'd hate anyone to think 'we'll let her sit this one out as she's disabled', or 'don't make her do that she's retarded' etc.
So I do agree with you the actual name doesn't really matter so much it's what box you are put into that matters.

As she is a baby and can't say for herself, yes I can do that I dodn't want to sit out I am making sure that others see her a Lottie, not as disabled so that they don't wrap her in cotton wool / hold her back etc.

Nope its not that cod. Some people just get it right. usually they don't show the slightest bit of embarrassment and they ask things relevent to your child- and they ask about the disability etc, theY are quite direct. Met someone in the park - we got chatting - we were the only 2 there. She knew nothing about autism but she didn't recoil, or look horrified, or make a placating remark and then call her child away. She just asked a bit more about him. The people who say something like "oh but he's gorgeous" etc are usually saying it to cover their embarrassment and because they don't know what to say. Often at the same time they are squirming and deperate to get away. Which is fine, but I prefer to be around people who aren't embarrassed or can swallow their embarrassment enough to show some interest in him. Just haven't got the time to be around people who need hand holding to get over their embarrassment really.

Charlotte Moore writes about a trip to hospital with her severely disabled son who said "well he's very good looking so you don't need to worry" or something like that hmmmm will dig it out later if can. Completely missed the point anyway.

Very true Easy. The trouble with any label is that it pigeon holes. That's a problem I've found with the autism diagnosis. never mind that every autistic child/adult I've met is totally different. Actually one thing I really like about his LSA is that she is often saying that she thinks he is bright and she's impressed how quickly he picks things up. So many people assume he must be stupid as he has no language. It may not get him anywhere but at least I know the person working with him exect him to be able achieve.

don't like the word hanidcapped but i except that dd is disabled - this is the way i cope and it's the word we use.

Jimjams,

can I just point out that we are really in the early days STILL of disabled people and children being 'out in the world', and a great many people haven't any experience or contact with anyone 'who is different'. That is why they are embarrassed. You (and I) need to be as understanding as we can be to help people get over their embarrassment, so that they can look beyond the disability to get to know us. If you just brush away the people who are embarrassed or uncomfortable then they will continue to be so.

I have always tried to be open about my disability, encouraged people to ask me about it, and what I can and can't do. I know it's probably easier for me because I can talk for myself, but you need to take on that role sometimes for your ds. That way you help the long-term prospects for him and his peers.

Of course we will always have to suffer those who are ignorant enough to believe that we don't deserve to be out. but they have their own disability, don't they?

Okay, glad I'm not the only one who felt they shouldn't be using word 'handicapped'. I'll put pen to paper. TC - it is the July issue and the references are:

pg 14 Catch This Event... blah blah... Dare to Dream (provides holidays for deprived and handicapped children).
and
pg 16 30 million - the number of school-age children in China who suffer from mental handicaps and behavioural problems.

I think it was the last one which particularly pXXXd me off. Surely, surely a journalist should know that 'mental handicap' is now 'learning disability/difficulty'. Also, I guess I am more sensitive to that as my dd has learning difficulties.

I think the word handicapped is so offensive because of it's origin. And maybe because it is now used in everyday language to mean something negative that holds you back/hampers you e.g business men discussing new venture: "I suppose our only real handicap is that George is out of the country until tuesday, blah blah". It just feels sooo negative.

LOL at the comments re: "but she's so pretty/gorgeous". If I had a penny for everytime someone said that to me in response to me explaining that dd is disabled..... Its not that I take offence, she is pretty/gorgeous. Its the 'but' I find interesting, as if 'disabled' and 'beautiful' are just so incompatible in people's minds and like it makes up for everything (love the pg 3 model thought Fio2!).

Sorry, long post.

I must say that I have I have learned a lot form being on mN and will not offend.

It s really hard tho!

Yes you are right Easy- but in RL I do smile sweetly and say all the right things. Especially if it's just a passer by - obviously. I just appreciate the people who can handle it- so much so that sometimes I want to burst into tears and kiss them! It's here that I mouth off about it. And it's always the people who are kind that make me cry!

I have binned friends- but after giving them a long time to get their acts together. And it's been done nicely- just haven't bothered t get in contact with them. Not so much a concious (spelling?- brain dead today) decision- just that I never quite have the energy to keep that fixed smile on my face for several hours.

hic- it's terrible in context. Agree about metal handicap. Awful! Perhaps they want to put them in a "mental institution" whilst they're at it. Junior has let some real howlers get through in the past.

sorry had typed _ " hope I wil not offend " BUT in an effort to correct my typos cut it out!
he he, you see its good to be crap at typing

Coddy,

I know what you mean about people being scared to say anything, in case they are taken the wrong way. It's one of my objections to the whole business of political correctness (which has gone OTT in this country, about everything, not just disability, IMO).

I meant to say that life was much easier for me when I spent time in the carribean. there anyone who wanted to know just asked "what happened to you" or "what is wrong with you?". No embarassment on either side.

and the funny thing is - I think most of us prefer the direct approach. I know I do.

i find with my partner being disabled or haddicapped how ever you want to put it there is such a stigma so i dont think it realy matters what people call it i think that is the attitude to wards the words that needs to be changed in our house hold we never call it eaither we call it long term illness or have sn unless the social realy get to me then i say that he has more needs than some other people well that mo anyway

I don't think anyone will ever be offended if the 'attitude' is constructive but the language is not state-of-the-art...

It seems to me that a lot of 'paranoia' around PC language is whipped up by people peddling extreme stories, usually urban myths (there are a few on one of the Muslims-yes or islamic dress threads atm- no lets not re-surrect them) as a way of undermining and dissing a genuine and dignified movement to refer to people in an appropriate manner.

As I understand it, Adult disabled people have often favoured 'disabled' because there is an implication then that they are disabled as much by the environment, if it is inaccessible or discriminatory, as they are by their own bodies / senses.-

I did not mean that MN-ers themselves would deliberately undermine genuine sensitivity...