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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

Bl**dly T***sers (sorry about that )

35 replies

mieow · 10/06/2004 13:33

The bloke from SS has just left, he let me read the reports he
recived from the GP and the hospital, the hospital one wasn't too
bad, just saying that DD1 needs help, but the hospital one was
bad, it said that DD2 had scratches, "reportly" done by DD1,
that she was running around barefoot, that is true she took her
shoes off, but they then said she was had a dirty face (emm.... they
fed her) dirty clothes (not true) and her feet were covered in mud
(BOLLOCKS!!! if they were it was because their floor was dirty!! ) I
am so angry!!!
The man was very helpful and he understands that the sitution at the
hosiptal NOW!!! but my god!!!
He witnessed four tanerms of DD1, in the space of an hour!
I am so angry so can't type much at the mo,

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 10/06/2004 13:35

mieow, I am so sorry. It is awful when people make assumptions and then make them official.

Thomcat · 10/06/2004 13:36

WHAT!!!!!
Oh Mieow, no wonder you're furious. What a pathetic waste of space. Lot of love to you and you're well looked after, loved, cared for clean children.
TC xxxxxx

Original poster
mieow · 10/06/2004 13:39

Also because she had drunk Priton it made everything sticky so she looked dirtier than normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
mieow · 10/06/2004 13:39

and that was why I was there.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 10/06/2004 13:42

what were SS round for? is really that important for your dd2 to have shoes on? and cant they understand that your dd1 has got special needs and sometimes she will do things that are inappropriate (I know my dd does!) and anyway all siblings fight

throckenholt · 10/06/2004 13:49

sorry - I haven't followed your story, but just wanted to say my three are often muddy, often have dirty clothes (particualty after food !), often go barefoot, and are frequently covered in bruises and scratches (usually self inflicted) - isn't that fairly normal in children ? The only way to stop that would be to not let them do anything (with my kids I would probably have to tie them to the bed all day).

Hope things get better for you soon.

Fio2 · 10/06/2004 13:54

I agree throckenholt, I dont understand why what they have wrote is wrong and why SS think it is FFS

Original poster
mieow · 10/06/2004 14:00

I have two kids with CP, one without, I have been asking for support for about 1 yr but haven't got anywhere,
One day after DD1 smashed DD2s head against a wall, I went to the GPs and demanded some help. when I got home, I phoned SS asking for help too.
A few weeks later I had to take Dd2 to a&e after she drank some Priton, they noticed the stratches (couldn't miss them) and told me that they had to write to the hospital Social worker as it was classed as an OD, they never mentioned the other stuff,
The hospital social worker phoned me the next day asking if I needed some help, I said yes, she wrote to SS and he came out today.
That kinda brought you all up to speed,

OP posts:
Original poster
mieow · 10/06/2004 14:06

Because they wrote to SS on the understanding I need help, I didn't think anything of it, but reading that report makes me out to be a bad parent.

OP posts:
Fio2 · 10/06/2004 14:08

no it doesnt, maybe they just wrote it so you WOULD get some help. Bloody hell mieow you have 2 kids with CP and another very young daughter, I am sure most people in your position would need some help. Have you tried homestart? dont they do help or is it surestart? I am not sure

Original poster
mieow · 10/06/2004 14:10

BUt why mentioned dirty clothes, face and feet? the scratches were evidence enough, and I told them that they were done by DD1, and I told them I needed help

OP posts:
gothicmama · 10/06/2004 14:10

hopeful the man will know his job an dyou will get help , youhave out your side of teh case to him adn he must know children do get dirty, messy if they did not then that would also be worrying - hang in there make a note of any contact you have with hospital or ss for your records date time people what happenned etc. in case you need it later hugs take care

Jimjams · 10/06/2004 14:26

ds2 has scratches on his face from ds1. So sorry to hear this- it can happen to anyone of us. My friend adopted 2 children- the eldest has autism and was abused. Her youngest has bowel problems (probably because she was born heroin dependent and went onto methadone at birth)- but oh no- the paediatrician has decided that the bowel problems have been caused by her elder sister sexually abusing her. It is disgusting. Luckily for my friend she has someone more senior to the paediatrician working with them already and she was able to undo the damage done by him.

Are you getting any help from SS? I am trying to get some at the moment- so far got nowhere.

Tissy · 10/06/2004 14:28

mieow, it sounds as if you do need some help, but don't take the hospital report too personally (unless there is something else you haven't mentioned). They have to describe things quite objectively. "Reportedly" means just that, that you reported that the scratches had been done by DD1. They have no proof of what you've said, so they are qualifying it; they might just as well used the words "claimed" or "allegedly". There are far worse things than scratches, so that does not mean that they are accusing you of being a bad mother, or of child abuse/ neglect. If your child was dirty or neglected in some way, it could be interpreted as suggesting that your DD1 is taking up so much time that you cannot look after DD2 so well. If you'd turned up at the hospital in your twinset and pearls with two pristine children that sat still and did not speak until spoken to, you would still have had a visit from SS, as your child had got hold of a bottle of medicine and drunk it. What I'm trying to say is, it doesn't really matter what your children looked like,and why your dd's feet were dirty, social services would have seen far worse!

Hope you get what you need , what sort of help are you hoping for?

Original poster
mieow · 10/06/2004 14:31

NO, that is it all, I don't have a drink or drug problem, I have managed well till recently but need support now.
SS were being involved anyway, as I demanded help, so in fact all this prolly helped push it along a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
mieow · 10/06/2004 14:32

Shared care hopefully!

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Jimjams · 10/06/2004 14:37

mieow how did you demand help? Did you ask for a care/core??? assessment. I am trying to get help from SS at the moment and am stumped. I don't know the system and don't seem to be asking for the right things. Someone told me there's an assessment I can ask for and then they have to do it within 7 days but I don't know what its called. Any tips?

I have to say I avoided contacting SS for ages as I thought they would be useless and so far they haven't done anything to change my view.

misdee · 10/06/2004 14:37

can u call me!!

Jimjams · 10/06/2004 14:50

My god SS have just rung me!

Who wrote the hospital report mieow? This sort of thing comes up a lot on my SN home ed list - I think some people have written corrections in the past.

jmb1964 · 10/06/2004 16:14

mieow - sorry you have had such a horrible experience. Was it the hospital or the GP report which was awful? I would agree with what Tissy said though - these observations are supposed to be objective, and sometimes seem a lot worse written down in black and white. Another thing that occurred to me was that maybe someone was actually trying to point things out to make it sound as if you were having more trouble coping than you are, so that they absolutely couldn't refuse to give you some help?
The twinset and pearls and clean shiny children scenario would actually be MORE worrying IMO - healthy normal children ought to be allowed to get grubby!
Hope you get whatever kind of help you're hoping for, and don't feel too cast down by this report.

heartinthecountry · 10/06/2004 16:42

mieow - can totally understand why you were angry. I'm sure my response would have been the same. Its hard enough being a mother, let alone the mother of SN kids, without it seeming like someone is passing judgement on how clean your kids are (by the way I kind of like the grubby barefoot urchin look IYKWIM!). Whether the intention was for the best (ie. to get you help) or not, I'm sure most mum's would have responded like you if they saw that written down. At least now you may be able to get some more help.

Jimjams - if SS have just called you this might now be irrelevant but basically I believe any child with SN/disability is entitled to an assessment by SS to ascertain whether they are getting full support. If you are already getting SALT,OT etc then this may be a bit of a formality. But you may also be able to get respite care of some sort and I think they can even supply tv's and stuff if that is appropriate or help with house adaptations. The other reason for informing SS (not that I have yet!) is that your child will be put on a disability register. Doesn't mean much in itself but apparently this does get looked at when they are looking at funding and provision of services in a particular area. So the more kids on it, theoretically, the better services generally in the area. Of course that is theoretical .

I believe you are also entitled to ask for an assessment of YOUR needs as a carer.

heartinthecountry · 10/06/2004 16:46

Should probably add that I haven't contacted SS yet as I kind of have the impression that all this is great in theory but in practice they probably won't do much (and my mum is a retired social worker!!). But hey, might be wrong and one day I'll get round to it.

Original poster
mieow · 10/06/2004 17:03

Well I have calmed down now, I am jsut glad the Social worker belived my side of the story, and he was very understanding. As I was going to say but couldn't as I was angry, was that he witnessed four of Dd1s paddies and saw her scratch her sister. He saw her pinch me and bite me. I am so glad she "performed" well. Normally people see the nice side to her (yes she does have one) and it was good he saw all that. He is going to recommend that we get some form of support and he is going to phone me next week, but I am away so when I go to the SN support group tomorrow that is based at the same place at SS, I will have to find him, or leave a message. Thanks for your kind messages

OP posts:
Jimjams · 10/06/2004 17:40

getting SALT and OT???? ha ha ha I wish!

I'm wondering whether I could use direct payments to pay for a helper so he can attend nursery during the summer holidays- maybe they can directly fund that? Oh well will find out tomorrow.

Someone told me that the point of respite is so you can carry on as normal a life as possible. As we are currently looking the 6 weeks of summer holiday with me being unable to go out and even buy a pint of milk I guess we are going to fulfill the criteria.

Glad your dd performed mieow. Lets hope ds1 does tomorrow.

heartinthecountry · 10/06/2004 18:27

Sorry, didn't mean to be tactless/presumptious about the OT/SALT.

It sounds like you should definitely qualify for some kind of respite. But hey, when did 'should' mean anything? I hope it goes well tomorrow and you get what you need.