Here is one definition of bullying:
www.gov.uk/bullying-at-school/bullying-a-definition
including "intended to hurt someone either physically or emotionally" I would question whether somebody, suffering from depression with irritability, angry outbursts and aggression INTENDS to hurt other people. As I said, we are three years further down the road from OP. I listen to DD2, crying her eyes out to the psychiatrists in the S 136 suite - she is far too self absorbed to consider the effects of what she says on DD1 or anybody else! She simply states what she sees as facts.
The bottom line is unless the adult dc can earn enough to support themselves, paying their rent, bills, food, clothes and travel to and from work, what in the real world are you going to do, when they are irritable, have an angry outburst or get aggressive due to the depression? Only the OP knows whether DS1 works full time, is a student or is unemployed, but:
- Students don't qualify for housing benefit, and a dc with depression is unlikely to be able to keep up with a course, and work enough part-time to keep themselves?
2.Benefits - OP would most likely have to help DS1 apply for them. Its hard enough to negotiate these systems, as a mature adult - I cannot imagine a depressed 19 year old getting through them. PIP is hard to get with MH problems, because its specifically designed to exclude them. JSA leaves dc open to sanctions. ESA requires a work capability assessment, unless they get in the support group on the papers alone (unlikely with MH problems, I'd of thought?). It took me 2 years to get ESA for DD1. I did not have the energy to apply to the Tribunal over PIP for DD2.
- OP pays for the accommodation herself for DS1 - we can't afford it. A one bedroom flat is £200,000 here.
- If DS1 is dependent on OP, then they can't get legal aid to seek a proper assessment of need and care plan from SS, in order to try and get supported living. DS1 either has to be working, with disposable income below £733 pcm or say on ESA (the income support group).
We thought DD2 just had depression at 19, and going to university would be the best thing for her. After her not eating and drinking, 14 suicide attempts, binge drinking alcohol, being the victim of sexual abuse (because she wanted somebody to care for her), her running around on the streets of a major city, either paralytic while taking an overdose; or in a panic attack at midnight - and us getting phone calls from the emergency services all hours of the day and night, asking if we knew where she was, because they were worried about her; we found it was less stressful if she lived at home, because at least we generally know where she is and what she is doing. We can make sure she eats and drinks properly, takes her medication and gets clean clothes.
DD1's social worker considered DD2's needs were greater than DD1's. Both he and DD2's consultant psychiatrist recommended a 52 week placement for DD1. Unfortunately, DD1's social worker left and we had no social worker for 6 months.
DD2 took an overdose in the second week of the summer holidays last year, because she could not cope with DD1. We had specifically told her before, not to take an overdose of paracetamol, because dying of liver failure is very unpleasant - she took no notice and took an overdose of paracetamol. She was very ill for several days.
October half term - we called the police, after DD2 had been self harming, and DD1 was frightened she was going to kill her. The police sectioned her, and the S 136 suite discharged her the next day, even though she was crying she would be suicidal if she was sent home. Four times, the psychiatrist rang me to ask me to take her back home and I refused, because of concern for DD1. So, the mental health trust left her in the centre of our town, with no money, no credit cards and no charge on her phone at 5 pm. She came home and burst into tears, that she was a good person and what had she done to deserve all this? I felt sorry for her, and let her stay. Did it teach her anything? Not really!
After Easter, DD1 refused to go back to college. DD2 told her she was going to kill her. I sought advice from Social Services and the mental health trust. Neither of them told me to tell DD2 to move out - because its a case of the lesser of two evils.
We've now got Irwin Mitchell acting for both of them, on legal aid, because the mental health trust professionals told DD2 to get a part time job, and she is no longer technically dependent on us.
So, if DD2 lay in bed all day, not eating and drinking, even though we told her she risked kidney damage; and she took an overdose of paracetamol, when we told her exactly why she shouldn't, what makes any of you think, its just a matter of setting down rules about being kind or move out?