Apologies in advance because this is going to be a bit of a ramble. I have three children, two NT and one with ASD, SPD and dyspraxia. I had a bit of a shit of a day recently which I can't stop thinking about. I went to a local playgroup with one of my NT children and was chatting to a very lovely woman who I've seen at various groups over the past 3 years and occasionally have a chat with. She asked after my older two and then said "which is the one with the problem?" I was really thrown because it just seemed such negative phrasing. Then she went on to snigger her way through a story about someone she knows with "terrible aspergers" who (guffaw, guffaw) has now decided that he wants to get married. I mean whatever is he thinking? And she doesn't know what the "problem" is with this woman he wants to marry but she also clearly has social issues and together they are an absolute nightmare. The whole family are hoping it just blows over.
I honestly didn't even know how to react. I didn't really say anything and then busied myself with my child and moved away to another activity. I'm still quite upset about it though. I mean why did she think it was okay to tell me that story when I have a child with those types of issues? I can't stop thinking about it. I've had people ask me what's "wrong" with my child before. I just get so flustered that I don't have a comeback. I know I should think of a stock answer but also they aren't necessarily horrible people so I don't want to say something cutting and don't want to embarrass them. But also I feel like I should say something. Also, it's not like I can just give a simple explanation because her reactions and behaviours are so complex and there isn't always a simple answer.
Later that same day we were on our way to a birthday party which was a bit of a big deal because my child doesn't have any friends and never gets invited to parties. I'd done so much prep for it and she was really excited. Then, bizarrely, when we arrived, the mother of the birthday girl kind of uninvited us. It wasn't necessarily that she didn't want us there, I don't think. But because the other children there were unaccompanied and I was going to be the only parent staying, she said she didn't mind if we didn't come. Again, I was so taken aback that I just kind of mumbled something about it being no problem and then stayed, kind of awkwardly. But then there wasn't a party bag for us at the end. I'm trying not to read too much into it but I'm still really upset. My child did love the party and had fun. But I'm just left wondering what that was all about? Does she think that my child is just a blob without a brain? Why did she think my child wouldn't notice that we weren't going into the party or that she wouldn't care about not going in? It's just so weird.
Anyway. Sorry that's so long. Maybe I can stop thinking about it now that it's written down. I suppose I'm wondering really if you feel you should always be educating other people about your child's condition? Or if you have stock answers you give when people say things which offend you? Or if maybe I should learn to not be offended because, really, why would they know if they didn't have a child with ASD? I don't know if it's really their fault.