Yr 7 in trouble at school

[We3KingyOfOblomovAre]

Ds1(nearly 12) is in trouble at secondary. He has a diagnosis of AS, but old school disputed this, they thought it was me with the problem!!

He has no iep , no support, no nothing.

He's had trouble since the start: not completing homework, answering back, shouting out in class, silly behaviour, making silly noises.
This all went on for years at primary and he was punished, but it never changed. It wasn't seen as ASD behaviour.

So eventually he's had tonnes of detentions and he's put 'on report' - needs to get a list each Monday from head of year, gets ticks after each lesson, staying behind to see teacher, then checks in with his mentor every afternoon.
After 4 weeks he's got better, but still shouting out and detentions continuing.
I said we can't go on with on report indefinitely, he hasn't changed that particular behaviour and we can't keep punishing him indefinitely.
She asks me to continue and support him/them.

Yesterday his 'friend' who invited him to a sleepover and then told him he wasn't welcome, sat next to him on purpose.

he was teasing him and kept touching his pencilcase(yes really) , so ds hit him with his ruler! Oh god. Why did he do that?

So now he's in isolation, because head of year emailed to say he can't be trusted to be with his peers. So now everyone will be talking about him. Great!

I've had enough. I can't deal with him anymore. I just don't know what to do with him.

huge argument with Dh. Dh said I need to step back and let school get on with it.
But the effects of what they do make him unbearable at home, shouting and swearing at me. School know this.
Dh reckons this is the first step of a slippery slide to school washing their hands of him and expelling him. I know that sounds over-dramatic, but I fear so aswell. And then guess who it would be left to to find new school/ sort it all out?? Guess right. Yep. Me!!

Any suggestions?

And I wanted to copy and paste some of your comments and suggestions, into notes, to take with me to the meeting.

Good luck for tomorrow!

Thank you Ineed.

bloody hell fire and damnation... x a million. at your last school.

good luck.

How did it go OP?

Thank you get. it went ok.

I told Head-of-Year that I couldn't have him repeatedly punished, it just wasn't fair. I mentioned that as a type 1 diabetic, she wouldnt punish me if I kept on having hypo's.

I hate printed out all your suggestions -
During the conversation, I even managed to slip in the words discrimination, EP and ASD advisory service. So, I'm pleased, because I got my point across.

She is nice. Quite early on in the conversation, She said she's beginning to realise how complex he is, she thinks many of his traits are PDA'ish ( I was THRILLED that SHE said this, she initiated this topic) and that She said she is wanted to take advice from their ASD consultant that they had contact with, re more PDA tactics to help staff manage him better.

I had a copy of NAS Autism family support's email to previous Primary Headmistress, detailing all her views on ds, that it was more PDA, and all her suggestions of tactics to help. She seemed very interested in this. We went through it a lot. And she asked me to forward her those emails, which I did, yesterday afternoon.

My friend suggested: "New school's attitude vindicates you somewhat eh?"

Does it validate it? I don't know. I'm not so sure.

Well I gave her the opportunity.
I told her: You know the history, that they all think I'm a nutter with munchausens, and there's nothing wrong with him.

She said that they were not the old school, they didn't take on board others views, they were their own place. And they took their own view.
She said they accepted and recognised the diagnosis.

She went on to say that she'd already seen enough to know.

Then she said about the PDA and the specialist consultant that she wanted to contact.

Is that validation? I guess it is, somewhat.
Or as good I'm going to get.

either she does believe me, or she doesn't, but, she's realised that after EVERYTHING that's happened before, she's better off placating me and just pretending to believe me?
She could have just said 'oh its a bit of behaviour, nothing we've not seen before ....... but she went quite a bit further than that. Quite a bit further than maybe she needed to?

Do you agree?

And if she doesn't believe me, then she's thread me a convincing line, hasn't she?

Good meeting, I guess. We'll see how it goes.

It sounds like she is being sincere in her beliefs, the proof in the pudding will be if that filters down to other staff and they start thinking differently about how they will respond to him, eg not just handing out detentions etc. We are in a similar situation to you so am interested in how you progress with it.On the other hand it is easy to become quite jaded about the whole thing because we get used to people not listening to us when we tell them something.

I don't know if she's sincere. I fear I am now too jaded and damaged to know.
But, I am worried that I didn't actually achieve anything. Am I any better off?
I didn't get her to agree to EP or ASD Advisory service, or well, anything really, did I?

Am I kidding myself as to how much of a successful meeting it actually was?