"Does your DS have learning difficulties" ADD? ADHD? A storm in a tea-cup?

[leaningtoweroflego]

DS is bright but can be very oppositional, distractable and strong willed.

It is just his personality or something more? I've wondered on and off for a while, but I'm considering it again this week as he went for an ear test. I couldn't go in with him as they didn't want toddler DD there. Apparently DS was very obviously faking that he couldn't hear any of the sounds. The medical professional (a nurse maybe?) who did the test asked me if he had any learning difficulties. I said I'd wondered about ADD before but he's bright and I'd spoken to the school and they weren't concerned.

She did some more tests - and on tests where he had to repeat words he heard, he changed the beginning of each word to make it a nonsense word, to pretend he couldn't hear it properly. The (?)nurse and then the consultant said some cryptic stuff about how the way he behaved was in line with certain "personality types" but they obviously didn't want to say too much in front of him.

Does anyone know what they were getting at? (I think I may call the hospital to ask.)

Oh I should also add that Ds has been known to con therapists almost completely. He was seeing the school counsellor for over a year (we were trying to nail continence in school) at around 8/9 and at one appointment he regaled her completely about an overnight school trip he had been on to the zoo. She called me the following week with great enthusiasm about how forthcoming he had been about the trip. She was thrilled. She was less thrilled when I told her that in fact when he returned home, he was both soaked through and soiled, with a bag full of equally wet and soiled belongings, and that the entire bus had been shouting 'who crapped? That stinks!' the whole way home. He had quite successfully steered the counsellor clear of anything that she really ought to have known that would have been uncomfortable for him to discuss. According to him, everything was hunky dory.

His most recent psych was much cleverer. She just says 'that's avoidance. We are are talking about x' and won't let him run rings around her.

Tried to post last night and lost it -have rtf now and agree you need to get a diagnosis so you can have a better idea of the best strategies to try to manage behaviour and for your DS to have better understanding of himself.
Also I would say even with a diagnosis it isn't a magic cure - they are all individuals and it is very much a try it and see. (And even then it will still be difficult at times...)
I read the PDA info and to an extent it describes DD1 - as does some of the definitions of having ODD -neither are exactly 'right'. But then the definitions of ADHD or ADD aren't exactly right either. I am very like DD1 so do have a good understanding of how she feels.
She hates being told what to do -so eg the other morning she was going to miss her bus - I dropped the you need to be and got to the 'get downstairs now' stage and she admitted that made her really not want to -she did but she had to force herself to do it.
She is doing coursework for her exams - we are getting it done -with lots of gentle reminders and 'do you think you should be making a start' etc. The school had stopped informing me (they are supposed to) so I can help her stop procrastinating and she was late for a couple of things -one essay became an issue with the teacher too - she eventually did it - badly - and when I said at least it is done, you must feel better - she said 'No - I'm angry, I shouldn't have done it'
She is on Concerta Xl in the week for school and it is helping but either I have forgotten how awful it used to be all the time or the weekends are a release and I am getting a weeks worth of difficult behaviour condensed into 2 days. I am finding them incredibly trying and really lost my temper with her yesterday and said things about her being ungrateful and 'due to her stupidity' etc. Really angry with myself right now.

(Long and complicated story but she managed to run up two massive mobile bills in a row, one by mistake. Decided I needed to change her provider to cap it at a lower amount - so it couldn't happen again. It has been a nightmare that has dragged on over a month -mega hassle, recently nearly daily phone calls etc (provider have been truly useless, but she actually did something that made it worse). Her contract should have been cancelled, her allowances should have run out yesterday - she should have no credit - but provider mistake means it has been updated. She really can't use any credit without causing me lots more hassle (and cost).
But her phone is still locked (provider problem again). I got her a basic phone with credit from her new provider for emergencies to make calls/texts, her number will be transferred in a few days by which time hopefully her phone will be unlocked - she can use her phone for WIFI use and to accept calls/texts but not use it for anything else. Trying to explain that to her and making her realise the consequences etc and she was laughing, singing, listening to music using her earphones, pretending not to hear me, refusing to take off passwords, snatching her phone off me when I was trying to check the settings ....and I lost it...... And then I got told you really hate me don't you? I really should have taken it off her - but I couldn't face any more battle - and I am pretty sure in a temper she will have deliberately used some credit.... And this morning she will apologetic...genuinely sorry....and so am I)

DS2 is demand avoidant. I try hard never to ask him to do something specific. I put clothes next to him and leave him to get dressed, suggest that in ten minutes time he needs to have done X, y and z and leave it to him to determine the order. This works if we're doing something he cares about - e.g getting ready for school.

Other tasks can only be achieved with bribery - e.g. A friend round or watching an episode of a favourite Programme. It gets tiring!