How to help ds come to terms with ASD/PDA?

[LeChien]

Ds got a dx of HFA/PDA just over a month ago.
He is very angry, and feels it makes him different. He often said he felt different before, couldn't understand why others didn't feel the same as him etc.
We've explained to him that having a diagnosis hasn't changed anything, he is still the same person, it's private so if he doesn't want to tell anyone that's fine, but it's nothing to be ashamed of.
We've bought a book about PDA aimed at children, I've bookmarked the newsround ASD clip but he's not interested, won't look at them.
We're getting to our wit's end and struggling to cope, he's violent, needing to be restrained regularly to prevent him hurting himself and others, trying to get through that violence is never acceptable.
We use the 5 point scale, try to stick to a predictable routine and use lists so he knows what's happening and roughly when, we try to spot triggers and either avoid them if possible or talk them through and work out a plan if it's going to be too much. Usually these things have worked well, but at the moment he's off the scale. I think he's really pissed off that he's got autism and not sure how to help him.

Thank you, I really hope it works.

Good luck tonight - sending zzzzzzzzz's your way!

Have you looked up any famous people with ASD, like Dan Ackroyd? Would he respond to looking at stuff about people like that, that maybe he can relate to in a different way?

I really hope it's just a phase for you and him. It could be normal stuff going on underneath, but it presents as ASD and PDA because we know it's there?

Good luck!

Bollocks. Still wide awake.
At least we can see if he's a bit calmer off the melatonin, then start again if he's still the same.

Bitbap, that's a really good idea, I'll give it a go, thank you.

He's just piped up "Mummy, I don't think these tablets are working very well!"

Oh dear

He's not being as aggressive today, we'll see how he gets on the rest of this week.

A link came up on FB for hoodies that had "Auty not Naughty" on them, I showed him, he is now delighting on swearing then shouting "auty not naughty" at me. I don't know if this is good or bad. Currently persuading myself that these are tentative steps towards acceptance and trying to laugh it off.

Well, bollocks again!
Ds wide awake, angry and repeatedly punching the wall whilst asking me to kill him.
Obviously no placebo effect.

Do you have an emergency number to call? I think asking someone to kill you is a sign of high psychological stress. We got some emergency numbers to phone when we were referred to CAMHS.

He does this regularly mummy, CAMHS aren't interested as they're only words and he's not actually doing anything.
He has said that when he's angry he can punch anything and not feel it, then feels pain when he's calmed down.

Sorry CAMHS are being useless - because he is doing something - and he/someone else is only not getting more hurt because he's still got growing to do.

Are you keeping a diary? It might be helpful at some time (and doesn't have to be too involved - little more than what you've posted here).

I hope he gets to sleep soon.

He settled at about 11.30.
I stopped making a diary because our local cdc said none of it could be taken into account as they could be made up.
Will start again. I could have filled one already this last couple of weeks!

Going to see if he's still calmer today, not sure whether to test melatonin again.

LeChien,

Please make sure it's Lavender Essential Oil and that you use a max of 3 drops on a tissue beside his pillow, too much is a stimulant

ref Valerie Ann Worwood 'The Fragrant Pharmacy'

Thank you blank, I didn't know too much did that!

I have just realised that the bulbs we bought are for a fire. We put one in last night and it hurts your eyes. Will have to search amazon for more!

Thanks Polter. Silly question, but do I apply it to ds or to a hanky?
We do tend to say that he can forget about sleeping and just rest his eyes.

The relaxing thing does work better. polt suggested it to me for DS ages ago. We still have the problem that he doesn't drop off for ages some days (was 11.45 last night), wakes during night and can wake really early. 5am today! He is permanently tired. Altho the melatonin worked for us getting him into a better routine with regards sleep he still woke.
I've never bothered trying again as it didn't solve the twitching which is the main reason he wakes.

What actually helped for us was using a disco ball - the sensory input seemed to help him sleep he also uses a double and single duvet, bounce pillows and lots of blankets.

I've also found not getting (or showing!) I'm annoyed at being woken up has taken the pressure off him when he's awake.

I'm really sorry I don't have better suggestions but I've not really Sussex it myself yet!

That's really helpful youare, a disco ball is a good idea. He gets really annoyed with his duvet too so it might be worth thinking about blankets too.
He's very twitchy at the moment, says it feels like his legs have hiccups. It stops when he's asleep though.
I tend to do his bedtime as dh gets impatient, or goes to sleep himself which annoys ds.

Funny you should say that, but watching minecraft videos for a while in bed does make him settle better, but it feels like bad parenting, so we've been stopping it.
If he has melatonin again, would bedtime screen time counteract the effect?
Sleeping bag's a very good idea, he hates it when his duvet doesn't perfectly cover him.

I feel like I'm missing something, he's so angry all the time.

I've ordered him a sleeping bag and the roll-on, thank you.