The things 'Other' parents brag/moan about that wind me up....

[MrsForgetful]

1. Their children eat ANYTHING... 2)Their children do what my boys do...and they are not allowed to getaway with it.(meaning i am soft!) 3)moaning that baby/child is still up at 7pm....now 11 or 12 i can see as a problem...but 7pm! 4)Their kids have 'learnt' to do something like 'share toys' etc...and that i 'spoil' mine by allowing them to have 3 of most things so they don't have to share...and when i try to explain that sharing is hard for mine...they start the usual... tuff love etc!

i'll add some more ....

Am right with you on the first three, especially the third (7pm!!!)

Do you really buy duplicates of toys so that your children don't have to learn to share though?

yes yes yes to all of those (most anoyingly it is usually my mum that makes these comments)

if its something that 2 can play...with support and constant interraction from me ...i can get them to share....but its things that are for one at a time that they find hard.

they have asperger syndrome...and one also has adhd....turn taking is hard...

OK Mrs Forgetful, that wasn't obvious from your post

I agree with the first three, anyway.

meant to add that buying them 1 each of something means i have a life!!! (otherwise i'd have to supervise them 100%!!!!)

And...seeng them contentedly sat on the settee ...all playing pokemon on their gameboys...all at different levels of the game...all with the same irratating music...but at different points...and then to hear them chatting excitedly about stuff that i cannot even begin to undersatnd about what they ae jabbering on about......well....those moments make the expense worth it!!!

thats ok greensleeves!!! I always assume eveyone knows me!

A funny example...in a warped sense ...is the 'red,yellow,green traffic light game' that was advertsied..ds2 wanted it...he was given it for his birthday...

so excitedly i set it up....and oh! disaster...one of the cars raced faster....when all were meant to move at the same speed...

so now we have 2 of it....so they play 'alongside' eachother....'together'...but NOT sharing!!!

also being asked why i don't take my boys shopping....

then today standing in the bank...i felt twinges of envy when at 3.30...mums started appearing in town with their kids...straight from school...and the kids are walking nicely alongside their mum....

ds2 would go beserk if he couldn't go straight home and have his beaker of sweet milky tea...so if ever i do have to take them somewhere unexpectadly after school...i take a beaker of tea for him so he can still have it!!!

not quite the same thing but one of dd's fiends mums actually said infront of me that she was moving her dd to a different school, so that she could have more inteligent piers i mean wtf
then she just didn't understand why i amd ds(who was there as well) were angry.

The sharing thing never occurred to me. All these things from childhood come back to me when I read AS posts, and it makes me that we didn't know this then.

We think my sister is AS - the very mildest end, but with everything I read, and the more I speak to her about it, it is definately there. I remember soooooo many fights with her not sharing, and it was just always put down to her being moody and mean A lot of things I look at now and the penny drops, it has helped my relationship with her so much - I understand her ways now... I know what to anticipate, how to react.

Thankyou for all of your threads like this.

2shoes- I'm with you there - I think I've had more of those sorts of comments than anything else. One person I hadn't seen for a while look horrified when I said where ds1 goes to school and asked if I minded (???wtf??? why would I mind it's a brilliant school).

Another told me that it wasn't fair that my son got to go to his school and had all that money spent on him as he would never live independently or be able to do anything, whereas her son who will live in the real world couldn't access suitable special education (nothing in the area). Now I can feel immense sympathy for her position, and it isn't right that her ds can't access anything suitable- it's completely wrong, but why on earth did she feel the need to bring ds1 into it. Bet she wouldn't swap places either.

A stranger somehow got my number (another story) then rang me up moaning that "children like ds1" get given all the SALT resources (at the time he was in mainstream so the SALT resources were about 4 visits a year)- and that wasn't fair as her son wasn't getting any. I was like... er but your son's doing GCSE's and mine can't talk. Couldn't get the bloody woman off the phone. Again- I mean approach me with your problem and I'll emphasise, but don't do down ds1 in the process. He's not a vegetable!

i once spoke to a mum(about car seats like you do with complete strangers lol) and her dd who has cp goes to a mainstream primary she said that people complained about the money spent on making it accesible for her
And if one more person acts shocked that dd is in full time deucation(cos she can learn) I will scream.

oh yes that sort of thing is quite common I think unfortunately.

Yes, I heard that the new head of the PTA is known for moaning about the amount of time and money spent on special needs. 'Not all children have special needs, you know'. I have now joined the PTA, she knows my son has Aspergers and I am looking forward to educating her. ie. pointing out that she wouldn't swap! (mind you, I wouldn't either )

JJ...just wanted to say that i am totally with you when you said about the people who say its wrong that your son gets help...whch they say is pointless...cos he won't ever be independant.

that makes me so angry....and i'm speaking as you know...as mum to kids like hers...that are seen as not needing the help and support that we know they need....

but...where i differ...very strongly... is that whilst i wish desparately that my boys got more help...i certainly don't think other kids shouldn't get the support...or that its wasted!!!

i ofetn think of your son...when mine are screaming and arguing ...and driving me nuts. ds1's abusive abrupt manner really upsets me...and i am embarressed frequently by him outside the home....BUT.... i know from so many posts you write...that whereas "anyone" could understand my boys...(if only they'd bother to listen as they do tend to 'lose' people in their indepth monologues!)....whereas your son cannot .

i am desparate not to offend you with this...i am basing this on my own experience of the NV autistic kids i meet...who use PECS etc to cmmunicate....and how few people even try to understand them!!

one lad at the club they go to only speaks as 'charlie' from charlie and lola...and lives every day as an episode of the show....his mum says if they go shopping....he stays 'in character'...and the only way she can communicate with him is to 'join him'...and then he speaks....but none of her friends/family are interested. my ds2 was a bit like his at 3 or 4yrs...so if he ran off down the road...he would only respond to my shouting 'stop!'...if i shouted "Stop! Percy/Gordon/Thomas" or whatever train he was 'being' that day!!!
And...no suprises when i tell you that noone else 'entertained' this method!!!

pmsl @ stop Gordon/Henry/Thomas!! That's so funny. There are lots of things we have to say in response to certain things ds1 does or we get stuck. The funniest thing is that ds2 (aged 4) knows them all as well. So ds1 will be shouting Arhhee Arhhee Arhhee and without even looking up ds2 will be saying "broken, yes ds1 broken". (once someone says broken he stoips shouting Arhhee).

at those people begrudging help for children with SN.

MrsF - your post about your 3 boys all in a row with their gameboys with the irritating music sounds so familiar. My ds1 and ds2 each have a gameboy and sit there on the settee playing. Ds1 uses big headphones with his and every few minutes you get a commentary on the game and I have not the faintest idea what they are talking about.

yes JJ... i was lucky to have a neighbour who called strawberries 'shibbees'....as ds3 did at that time....

does your ds1 have some 'words' that are very similar to eachother...very subtle differences...that only those close to him know...and are there any that 'anyone' could 'guess'....ds2 did something very 'odd' till age 4 ... he had called his oldest brother 'pap-ice' for ages....meaning 'thomas'...and yet when refering to Thomas the tank..he would say Thomas.....looking back now...as can do once we have he hindsight!!!!...i realise that his problem then was not with the saying the word....but the 'literal' thinking that his brother was NOT THOMAS....the only THOMAS he accepted was the train!!! (eventually....he 'slipped up' one day and said Thomas to him....!

yes CT...totally know what you mean about the commentry!!!

mine are heavily into pokemon....and ds2 was gobsmacked the other day when i could name a pokemon for most letters of the alphabet...he could't understand that all i hear day in ...day out....is 'dragonite just levelled up'...or 'charizard gained hp'.....so just as i too know episodes of tom the tank wordperfect....i also know enough about crashbandicoot and spyro and pokemon to win mastermind!!!

The only word that strangers could understand really is "dudye" (bye bye), although he uses it to mean "oh look there's a...." Most of his other words sound the same(ish) and often change. Broken now is often "an" the first time he says it then he switched to arhhee again.

ds1 made me laugh the otehr day.....he had written a fantastic essay for english....and the teacher had marked him 'excellent'.

wooooo hooooo!

BUT....on close inspection....i smelt a rat....when as i started reading...it all felt very familiar.....

so...i asked ds1 what had inspired him....and here's his reply!!!!

"well....i'm no good at writing stories....so i thought i'd write the opening scenes of the Stormbreaker movie in my own words"

so i sneaked a look at his paperpack copy of this film.... and it certainly corresponded with his essay!!!

now...i know he did not copy from the book....he just carbon coppied it from his 'brain'....BUT....whereas his teacher thinks he wrote an original story....infact he wrote a book review of sorts!!!!

(funniest bit was he named one character "Mrs Numan"...as he is into playing gary numan songs on his keyboard at the moment!!! And...by the way...theres stuff on the internet saying that Gary Numan has aspergers!?)

is the 'an' his picking up on the second syllable of Brok-AN (broken?)

and when you say some words have 'multi meanings'...thats what i thought...does he therefore have different ways of sounding the same words...or any gestures.....so that those who try to listen can get the meaning even if the word is the same as he used for something else?

sorry to ask so much...but i am so interessted to undersatnd more...as a mum down the school has 1 with AS already...and her 3yr old is being reffered for SALT as he seems to use very few words...but when i was with him...i understood him she said better than she did!!! I then explained that i could remember my ds3 having many sounds that only i undersood...that sounded the same to others...but i could tell by his body language what he meant...

now...ds3 is able to hold his own most of the time ....but it has been noted that at 7 he does use 'immature' speach and still uses his 'own' words which he even writes in stories etc at school...

no, lots of things become "an". I think its just something that's easy to say.

I don't know why he can't talk. He's only learned to imitate very recently and I gather its almost impossible to learn to talk if you can't imitate. His gestures only really include very vaugue points, or shoves. He can get his point across, but often resorts to screaming. Sometimes getting his PECS book will sort that out (but in that case I wish he'd get the PECS rather than scream in the first place- that willingness varies).

HIs understanding is still very delayed though. He's good with nouns, still quite hopeless with verbs.

I'm waiting to hear what Growing Minds say. I suspect they'll either send a programme that works on speech a lot, or they'll say that speech is currently unlikely to be achievable and encourage us to work on signing (now he can imitate). Not sure which way they'll go.

& that that lady bought your son into that conversation JJ. Like you I feel sorry for her situation but your DS deserves the best of everything like all other children. some people

I wouldn't say it winds me up as such but it hurts somewhere inside when I hear people say
"My DD isn't walking yet and she's already x months old"

It hurts a bit when I hear parents moan about what their kids have asked for for Christmas. I wish mine was aware of what Christmas was about and that she could ask foir a present. Sad that when it comes to secret santa at school she'll be the only one not filling it out herself and the teacher will have to make it up or worse still leave her's blank.

It hurts a bit when you hear mums talk of all the after school activities their kids do. If only my DD could do ballet etc.