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Original poster

name calling is it ok to use the word........

33 replies

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2006 10:37

spaz?
over the last week I have felt that much has been made of my poor use of the word bitch in a thread title. I accept that I should never had used that word(an apologise for my lack of sensitivity)
But this has made me question the fact that my anger over my child who has severe cp was called this (on more than one occasion) over looked.
I have thought long and hard about posting ANYTHING about this. but as most people seem to be more upset by my wording I feel I have to.
So is it ok. Is it not hurtfull? does my child have to put up with it?. does her brother have to fight people everyday over it???

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 22/10/2006 10:39

Of course it's not Ok and no one said it was. MNers complained vociferously to Richard Curtis because the word is used in Love Actually (and then it's only used by the character directed at himself).

anniebear · 22/10/2006 11:08

er....NO!!

Original poster
2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2006 11:34

SoupDragon
Thanks I had a feeling that was the case.

OP posts:
fubsy · 22/10/2006 12:11

Im intrigued that kids still know the word at all. It must be coming from poorly educated parents. Spasticity is a medical term, but its not used that much now as there are alternatives, and the Spastics Society changed their name to SCOPE ages ago, so why is it being used at all? And if it is being used by parents in front of children, why do they think its a good idea?!? Im mortified if I hear my dd calling someone fat, and Ive talked to her about things like that. So why are some people so thoughtless about what they say about others?

SoupDragon · 22/10/2006 12:19

"poorly educated parents" Yep. Also, I guess it gets passed down from older siblings etc in a chain down to unrelated younger children. If the parents are not educated enough or care enough to stamp it out and explain why it's wrong, it just carries on.

SoupDragon · 22/10/2006 12:22

Also, I think it kind of has 2 meanings. One where the child doesn't know what it refers to or its origins and therefore just uses it as a catch all insult and one where the child does know what it refers to. Either way, the parents need to teach their children it's not appropriate - provided they ever hear their child say it I guess. I certainly said stuff at school I'd never have said in front of my parents...

Original poster
2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2006 12:35

I spoke to the school about it and they seem "uninterested" surely schools should be teaching as well.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 22/10/2006 12:38

Yes they should but I guess they can only really say something if they witness the behaviour. I'm not sure a general "assembly" about this sort of thing would work...?

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 22/10/2006 13:02

It's not an OK word no. Sadly as the mother of teenagers I know that it is very widely used, as is 'mong'. If it's used in my home by ds's friends then they are told it's unacceptable. They use these terms in general conversation, to be derogatory to each other - and seem to think that because the person it's directed at isn't disabled that it is somehow OK.

Ds got a detention last week for sticking up for his sister when she was laughed at for having a limp. Fair enough, he did punch the boy on the arm but nothing was said at school to the boy who was being insulting.

Original poster
2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2006 15:29

saggarmakersbottomknocker
how nice is your son defending his sister.
I ring the school even though I know they won't do anything. as If dc then looses it and hits omeone. I can defend him and tell them "well if you had dealt with it he wouldn't have been pushed to this.
Just find it SO hard to know how to find a way for him to deal with it. no one has ever said it to dd(they would have to be a real monster to do that)just use it to hurt ds.

OP posts:
coppertop · 22/10/2006 18:07

I think it's a horrible word to use at any time. It's even more cruel to use it as a way of getting to your ds. Unforgiveable.

Blu · 22/10/2006 18:39

It's a vile vile word, 2Shoes - I find it really offensive, and would be helpless with rage and upset if someone referred to a child of mine with cp as ...that word.

UNFORTUNATELY I think it has re-emerged in the language because it is used in America quite a lot, where they seem to think it means 'crazy'. Of course their meaning comes from it's orginal meaning here, but they seem to have lost touch with it's older meaning. It cropped up in many 'bratz' cartoons before it was replaced for the UK market, I think.

But you are not wrong at all, if children are using it amongst themselves in a lighthearted way than they are probably just being ignorant - which is bad enough. If they use it specifically to or abou your dd they know exactly what they are doing and are being cruel bullies- have you spoken to the school about it?

Blu · 22/10/2006 18:46

Sorry - you did say you had rung the school.

I honestly don't know what I would do about this , 2 shoes. Whether to encourage your ds to see the 'sticks and stones' pov or what. You're fighting a hell of lot to get them to stop using the word, and it's a lot for him to take on, isn't it?

I wonder what is the right way to describe a 9 year-old girl who knowingly and deliberately calls a child with cp 'spaz'? None of them are ones that I would choose in a moment of calm to put in a thread title, but I can think of a few!!

Blandmum · 22/10/2006 18:59

Horrible word, and it shouldn't be used. The school should do what it can to stamp it out. Sadly it is one of a number of words that kids don't think of as rude.

I once had a y9 boy use it in front of me, so I got the whole class to do a project on computer assistance for blind and deaf people and also people with CP

TwigTwoolett · 22/10/2006 19:03

of course it isn't ok to use the word

the 'hero' in Ben Elton's gridlock has CP (top class scientist who invents a fueless car) and he's done a whole bit on him reclaiming the word 'spaz' down to him having customised his wheelchair as the 'spazmobile' .... wasn't sure what I thought about that either

But I think that yes it is an unacceptable word .. unless a person with CP chooses to use it in self-reference a post-ironic sense ... kind of like black people referring to themselves as 'niggahs', Jews self-referring as 'yids' or women claiming the word 'cunt'

Blu · 22/10/2006 19:10

I know an adult with cp who has done that, Twig - he is an actor, 2shoes, and I am going to see if he has some copies of the thing he was in on tv so that i could send it for your dd. (he doesn't use that word in it..)

It's a different process, though, isn't it/ I think the derogatory use does have to be challenged in kids.

Original poster
2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2006 19:12

blu please lets justs not go there lol
I feel that with that particular child the family enviroment has a lot to do with it. If you met the dad you would know what I mean. I think what i said to her "silly little girl" was the best thing under the circumstances. obviously i cut all of them dead now.

spazmobile is terrible

Having watched breaking boundries(bbc2 9 0clock tonight....yes I am taping it as torchwood is on) I find it hard to believe a disabled person would refer to themseleves in that way

OP posts:
Original poster
2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2006 19:19

TwigTwoolett you know you have just made me get off my high horse and think a minute.
Was it a funny film/programe
Just wondered if something like that might make ds see it in a different light.......sort of make it not so bad. would be hard but might help him.
He is 14 so not an easy age at the best of time without this.

OP posts:
Original poster
2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2006 19:22

we might be on to something here
just told him about it and he laughed.

OP posts:
TwigTwoolett · 22/10/2006 19:25

Gridlock

TwigTwoolett · 22/10/2006 19:26

'hero' gets bumped off about half-way through though

Schokofruhstucksflockenhasseri · 22/10/2006 19:33

in answer to the OP; goodness no of course its not acceptable, and so I will tell any child who uses it in front of me.

Original poster
2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2006 20:01

can you tell me abit about the story just so I can work out if it will "suit " him

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 22/10/2006 20:05

hello (pops head round door)

No, it bloody well isn't OK. I would have been livid, and probably in tears as well It's a horrible word.

FioFio · 22/10/2006 20:20

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