School Senco will never believe, will she ?

[Babieseverywhere]

We are slowly moving forward.

Senco has finally moved forward with the July 2014 promise to call in the Ed Psych once I applied for statutory assessment over the summer, bothered the headmaster and the Ed Psych department directly

Got an email asking me to come to school to sign new CAF this morning, no idea when last one was closed

Had to sign this new CAF form, that stated several times that the school had no issues and it was me that was struggling Breaks my heart but anything to get Ed Psych in to help DS, so I signed the document, lies and all.

I left a message that some things were missing off the form and Senco rang to confirm details.

I explained that she had only got Comm Paed and Ed Psych on the form and not the other people.

Me : DS also sees SALT.
Her : Oh give me the details.

Me : DS also awaiting social skills classes.
Her : Did you refer him to them.
Me : No, SALT did
Her : But why
Me : Because of his social communication difficulties
Her : oh

Me : DS is also awaiting OT
Her : Oh, did you refer to them.
Me : No, Comm Paed did
Her : But why bearing mind I lied and told Comm Paed everything was fine at school
Me : Because of his sensory issues including licking himself (Salt) AND hypersensitive hearing (consultant audiologist) AND minor and gross motor skills issues (Comm paed)
Her : oh.
pause
Her : ok, I will update this form.

Sigh, Off to check paperwork gets to Ed Psych team, I don't want it to fail to get there for any reason.

She sounded confused as to why the child, she sees no difficulties in, has so much input from other agencies who do see things.

She is so sure that all DS issues which don't really exist are down to me.

It must be so nice to be so confident in knowing everything about a child you glance at a few hours a week, whereas I who love and live with DS 24/7, am not sure what is at the root of his anxieties.

That is why I am going though this awful process it is not for giggles, as it is far from fun !

meglet Has she seen anyone else ?

I found SALT, OT and audiology all saw DS's subtle difficulties straight away...where as school see nothing ever.

Salt were our best help too Meglet we have a complex communication clinic in our area where they are looking at higher level language issues.

The SALT who saw Dd3 knew she had Asd within a few minutes of meeting her, she couldnt say it but her report says it loud and clear. Sadly the Paed took the opinion of a crazy Headteacher/senco over the SALT and it took us a further 2 yrs of battling before Dd3 was dx'ed.

The average age for dx of Aspergers is 11 apparently and girls are nearly always teens before they are dx'ed!!! Sadly they usually have to fail at school before anything useful is done

Keep a very close eye on your girlie meglet and preserve her mental health at all costs, if she needs a dx I am sure you will help her to get one eventually.

Keep a diary, photos, video of meltdowns before and after school and read lots about girls with AS.

Good luck and sorry for the hijack babies

Thank you ineed. I'm sitting tight and trying to create a smooth path towards the tweenage and eventually teenage years. I don't want her to fail at school (like I did) or worse, self harm (like I did). I think I've got a better grip on her schooling and social life than my mother ever did though .

babies no, only the paed. I want to keep my head down for the time being, the paed and my family (mum spoke to the paed) were so adamant it was my fault that I've got to grow a thicker skin before I go in for round 2.

Hope it went ok today.

If your child is not failing academically and not disturbing other children at school (due to masking and anxiety), there is nothing for the teachers to see or help with

Babies, my son was described as 'the most violent child with Asperger's I've ever known' by his first HT but still there was no support in place for him. Sometimes schools just don't want to help. In our case (as in many I've come across) it's the HT who has the final say-so. We had a few teachers who truly wanted to support ds but she always blocked it, even when he was physically harming other children and causing massive disruption at classroom level. She just wanted him out of her school .

Streaky I know a HT like that too, I hope you found somewhere where your Ds is happy.

meglet I feel exactly the same, despite Dd3 having a dx she is often missed at school because she masks so well. But I see it and I dont let it go! I had an utterly miserable time at school but my mother was too wrapped up in her own stuff to do anything about it.

That will not happen to Dd3 and it wont happen to your Dd either. Just out of interest have you read Aspergirls it was recommended to me by a psychologist who attends the Aspie girls group we go to. She seemed to think it would help with or without a dx!! I am reading it now

im also mum to a dd who went under the radar - even though she has two brothers including her twin with asd. we did have to go down the private route and even though she is years behind academically we are still fighting to get her help. the most hurtful part in my battle is the La recent response to tribunal where they mention her dx of asd and said it doesn make the slightest bit of difference - so nice that they can just dismiss an asd dx like that - wish my dd and us as a family could do that!

my dd school is dire, they have no idea what they are doing with her , all of the professionals we have sent in have seen it all at school but as she goes under the radar and doesn't cause a fuss school are in absolute denial.

im a bit like Ineed - wont let her be failed and am fighting to the death for her. it is possible for people to totally miss the asd and as I need says girls especially do not get dx until quite late.

Ineed We tried another school and they harmed and neglected him too. He wasn't truly happy until we'd been home educating for a couple of years - he needed that time to repair and recover from the damage. He's thriving now though and we're proud of what he's achieved even when he's irritating the bejezus out of me and I'm glad we made the leap.

Streaky, I am glad your Ds is happy now. We have considered HE for Dd3 and the idea is always in the back of our minds if it all goes pear shaped again.

My biggest worry is that she is already welded to me and sometimes it is suffocating and if we were HEing I wouldnt get a break at all and her already shaky indepence skills would completely go out of the window.

I think we will HE dd if we lose the next tribunal in jan or even the one after that - she does do guides as my friend is the leader (shes only 24!) and she gets a lot girls like my dd in her group and is very supportive - she also does a musical theatre group on a sat morning so she would be able to access things away from me and I have a couple of friends who are teachers who have said they would help although im considering on line schooling if it comes to it

You might be surprised Ineed. Ds is far more independent now than he'd have been in school. We were able to work together gradually on doing things on his own, but at quiet, calm times (there were NONE of those when he was in school!) and at his own pace, rather than feeling forced to chuck him on the school bus at 11 like all the other kids in his year. We took it really slowly and because he wanted to be independent, he went with it. Now he goes all over the place on his own, gets the bus and Metro, goes to groups and activities and thrives on that bit of freedom.

Right now he's at his work experience/volunteering placement, supporting students in a special needs school with their GCSE work. Because he enjoys it, he gets up in the morning, shaves, makes his packed lunch and walks there and back without supervision. That's an opportunity he'd never have had in school, and there have been lots more, too.

Never say never. HE isn't a perfect solution by any means, but neither is school and at least with HE you have control over your child's welfare and you always know exactly what is going on. It's been an absolute blessing for ds.

Thanks streaky if it all goes wrong I will bear that in mind.
There is a small indie SS fairly close to us and the principle has said that Dd3 would fit in if MS doesnt work out, they dont normally take DC's with a primary dx of Asd but he has met her twice now and feels it could work. He really thinks she should be in MS with the correct support at the moment if she can possibly manage because they can offer a larger range of subjects in her interest areas.

We are back at tribunal in Jan so we will see, I have a feeling this wont be over for many years yet!!

He really thinks she should be in MS with the correct support

That's the trick, isn't it? I think all children would fit if they got the support they needed, but sadly it doesn't often happen.

I hope this works out for you - good luck with the tribunal and everything crossed .

Thanks streaky

I know DS just needs a little support in the classroom, little support in the playground. He needs a little understanding and a little pulling back on track. Understanding when he gets frightened thinking kids are hurting him, when it is just a rough game.

But he will never get any help as he is "fine"

There's that damned word again babies , we know they are not fine but it is so hard to make school staff understand.

Keep going and keep advocating for your lovely Ds as I am sure you will

Thanks

I too am struggling with professionals who do not listen to parents. I know my child!

camptys