School Senco will never believe, will she ?

[Babieseverywhere]

We are slowly moving forward.

Senco has finally moved forward with the July 2014 promise to call in the Ed Psych once I applied for statutory assessment over the summer, bothered the headmaster and the Ed Psych department directly

Got an email asking me to come to school to sign new CAF this morning, no idea when last one was closed

Had to sign this new CAF form, that stated several times that the school had no issues and it was me that was struggling Breaks my heart but anything to get Ed Psych in to help DS, so I signed the document, lies and all.

I left a message that some things were missing off the form and Senco rang to confirm details.

I explained that she had only got Comm Paed and Ed Psych on the form and not the other people.

Me : DS also sees SALT.
Her : Oh give me the details.

Me : DS also awaiting social skills classes.
Her : Did you refer him to them.
Me : No, SALT did
Her : But why
Me : Because of his social communication difficulties
Her : oh

Me : DS is also awaiting OT
Her : Oh, did you refer to them.
Me : No, Comm Paed did
Her : But why bearing mind I lied and told Comm Paed everything was fine at school
Me : Because of his sensory issues including licking himself (Salt) AND hypersensitive hearing (consultant audiologist) AND minor and gross motor skills issues (Comm paed)
Her : oh.
pause
Her : ok, I will update this form.

Sigh, Off to check paperwork gets to Ed Psych team, I don't want it to fail to get there for any reason.

She sounded confused as to why the child, she sees no difficulties in, has so much input from other agencies who do see things.

She is so sure that all DS issues which don't really exist are down to me.

It must be so nice to be so confident in knowing everything about a child you glance at a few hours a week, whereas I who love and live with DS 24/7, am not sure what is at the root of his anxieties.

That is why I am going though this awful process it is not for giggles, as it is far from fun !

Gingeete ahh yes. the last Senco at the school had been on that course too.

I loved the comunity paed... she wrote that I was doing everything right with ds and his behaviour. shame the HT thought it was a parenting issue.

forgot the hugs and and

OK... when the behaviourist visits, chat away, note down what he / she has to say - then ensure that he / she puts the findings of the visit in writing.

From now on, you'll probably need to conduct all your major communication with the SENCO and HT in writing too. The way they communicate with you face-to-face is bullying and hectoring, and they know it. The new legislation, for what it's worth, emphasises parents and professionals working together for the good of the child. This isn't the model that this school is working towards.

The school are less likely to talk down to you if there is a written record of their correspondence. If you have meetings with them, try to bring a friend or relative along - they can make notes while you talk, as well as morally support you.

There is a chance that the SENCO and HT will continue to deny that your DS needs support even after the Ed Psych and behavourist visits. If this happens, you have two choices:

• Escalate the problem. Get the school's SEN governor involved, ask the LA's SEN team to speak to the school. This should give the school's management no opportunity to deny your child's needs, or to deflect the responsibility for meeting them onto other people.

• Get your DS the fuck out of there. The sad fact is that even if you get DS a statement / EHCP with his needs clearly outlined and the provision he needs put on paper, it's still down to the school to implement it. It is very hard to work with a school that does not want to support your child. Ultimately, it might get to the point that a more inclusive school will do a much better job of helping your DS. Don't be afraid to look for schools that aren't rated outstanding or good by Ofsted - what Ofsted looks for in a good school isn't always a good fit for what works for our kids.

I do follow up all phone calls and meeting with an email to confirm points.

I no longer have official meetings without a friend, my DH or parent partnership person as a witness..The earlier meetings taught me that !

I have sent a summary email of who is dealing with DS and the list of diagnosis symptoms he has to date to the Senco.

Sigh, see if I get any response from that email l. Not all emails get responded too iyswim.

I want to try another school but DH is against it....Wait and see what happens at the next set of assessments.

they are trained and experienced

Not their fault, but there is absolutely no guarantee of this, and they certainly aren't trained to diagnose.

I'm a governor, and once the SENCO showed me a proposed statement for a child in the school. I pointed out that part 3 was hopelessly vague and said that surely it would help the teacher if that was remedied. The SENCO said local statements were all like that, had no idea that it was unlawful, and was amazed at the concept that she as a person who was being consulted on the draft might perhaps point that out.

I have a glimmer of hope that Senco has simply not seen DS's reports up to now.

Maybe when she sees that the independant NHS experts do see difficulties in DS, maybe she will be supportive.

I don't think she is a bad person. Far from it. I think she is limited in her ASD experiences (which may or not apply to DS) claiming masking or learned passivity never happens in school !

She has mainly experience of children with Kanners Autism which of course is very clear and obvious.

Interestingly she has told DH and I three times how like our DS is to her own son.

Once she explained her child was clearly on the spectrum like our child but not serious enough to need help and she didn't believe in labelling.

Two other times she explained how everything our son did was normal because her son did it.

Lastly I was told by a third party, that I should always listen to the Senco as her son was 'properly autistic' with the implied inference that my son isn't.

I do wonder if she has three sons like mine or just one. If only one, is he NT, Austistic with or without a label !?

None of my business of course but I do wonder if she is projecting issues with her own child/children at us ?

Babies were you there when the caf form was filled out? I ask because you should have been there.

I wasn't present when either CAF form was created
NOR involved when both individual behaviour plan were created
NOR notified when first CAF was closed or for what reason, it was closed.
NOR did the school do any CAF meetings for the original CAF (over roughly five months) My friend told me they should be every eight weeks or so.

Sigh, as my DS is 'fine' I guess all this stuff is optional for me. :(

Correction. I was present whilst first CAF was printed and read it...but had no idea I could add input or amend anything.

When my ds was in mainstream we had meetings every 8 weeks, not that they did any good and in my opinion were a waste of time as it still took 3 years for them to agree that he could not cope in ms and they could not meet his needs.

Yes, more meetings with school is not a desirable outcome really...but if it helps DS, then it will have to be endured alongside all the 'helpful comments'

Good news, school have not yet seen any reports about DS. They all went to the school nurse who must of filed them and not passed them onto the teacher or Senco.... which would explain why they see no issues still.

Let's hope this is the turning point for getting support from school. Senco would like me to take in the reports.

Cross fingers maybe they will try to help him socially and to try to reduce his anxiety about school, now other professionals see DS difficulties.

DS doesn't need beyond some basic support in the classroom (according to SALT report) and some social support in the playground and mainly a bit of understanding to reduce anxiety. Let's hope it happens.

We survived the home visit but it has left me feeling sad. The wonderful lady from the local ASD support group we go to (even with no dx) came to support me and I am so pleased she did for a number of reasons.

Short version behaviourist loves my visual timetables and is clear that she and the Senco see nothing in DS. She also agreed that noone believed us at school, they see nothing wrong with DS other than just constant stomach aches, nightmares and a loony mother

She also said the Senco did not believe that a child could mask they long. My supportive lady answered many questions and handled everything much better than me...I said a few things I shouldn't of really.

Behaviourist also very surprised that I had reports from NHS people. I did point out that everyone we met to date see things in DS except school...nothing major but just little things he needs helps with which he will get when hell freezes over

ds masks at school too. they have disciplined it into him. he is scared of getting told off. (too scared?) he will meltdown at home, or more recently once out of the school gate.

oh and there's non so blind as those who won't see.. because then they would have to do something about it

It did not hurt that the behaviourist has had professional dealing with my support lady for many years but never met her face to face iyswim. Also she (support lady) has bags of experience both personal and professionally and set up this charity 20 years ago as she was not believed about her own son...she is a wonderful lady. She says she will support us now, as she can not dx but us certain that my DS has ASD traits and we need the help/support :)

Behaviourist even suggested we invite support lady to school to talk to Senco !

Just a follow up the behaviourist forgot to do all the things she promised to do. :(

What a shame babies it is gutting when so called "proffs" let you down

It's always sad when these people prove you right. Trust takes time to build and seconds to loose.

babies it's just crap isn't it.

I've avoided the SN boards recently because no one (school + paed) will believe my concerns over 6yo DD. Even my sister has kindly told me that I've "fucked her up". The ASD diagnosis I finally got this year has made things worse and apparently it's my poor parenting that has caused DD's problems. Nothing to do with ASD being genetic and in the family . The poor little bean comes out of school (top of the class obvs), bites me, headbutts me, has chewed the buttons off her polo shirt etc . I'm not tough enough to deal with them anymore so I've given up and stopped asking for help . I can cope with some of her issues for the time being, but some support wouldn't go amiss.

Sorry for the hijack, I don't feel up to my own thread anymore.

can you ask for a meeting with the head to discuss what youve said here?

(((meglet))) It should not be this hard

I feel stupid for ever hoping for help and guidance from school. I took their words (about helping with all aspects of a child, 'our' children) literally. Now I understand they are only flowery words for social reasons not factual truths.

School are only really interested in academic progress and behaviour in children which affects their own and others academic progress.

If your child is not failing academically and not disturbing other children at school (due to masking and anxiety), there is nothing for the teachers to see or help with...I now understand this.

1. My aim is to see if there is any help via Comm Paed without school blocking it.

1. Help DS sleep and stop him waking up his siblings in the middle of the night.

1. Establish if any learning is happening at school. Get a base line, so we can start homeschooling at weekends to try and get him caught up (If he still needs to, after I have accurate base line)

I have a meeting with deputy head today, wish me luck...I hate meetings.

Good luck .

The paed that the GP referred us to was crap. DD masked beautifully for a couple of hours, as she does at school, so came across as a text book well behaved little girl. Short of paying for a private assessment I'm at a dead end.