I need to talk about my darkest thoughts somewhere, and I can only do it here

[emkana]

Sometimes I find myself thinking "Why did I decide to have a third? Life could be so easy now if I hadn't had ds. Dd's wouldn't have to suffer then, we'd all be smiling."

There. I've written it down. I feel so ashamed of these thoughts, I really do, but I can't help having them. On the other hand I do of course love ds more than anything. But still I keep having these thoughts.

I don't know you and your situation but your thoughts are entirely normal and human. And entirely consistent with loving your DS to bits. We are complex creatures not robots, and one thing I have learnt since having my DS (who has GDD) and especially over the last few months is that our feelings can change from one minute to the next and that acknowledging them (like you have done) is the first step to total acceptance of your situation and ultimate peace. So congratuations to you for your self-honesty, and wishing you and all your lovely children lots of luck and happiness. x

Sad story dmo, love to you all x.

Just read whole thread - so sorry DMO x

had my niece today for the whole day it was lovely
booked her in for a photo shoot (didnt tell my sister) will go and veiw photos next week and i'm having them tranferered to canvas
its a prezzis for my sister

Have you thought about booking a session with a photographer of all your children together? Just to see them all together looking lovely might be so nice. I know it sounds trivial but it is somethign that is lovely to have and reminds you of how lovely your children are and how beautiful the love they have for each other is.

i did have a couple of photos with my 2 boys and my niece together for my mum (all her grandchildren together)
might get one for myself too

Message withdrawn

Perfectly normal feelings - I'm still going through them and I only have two little ones and somehow tongue-tie and colic don't seem half as much as you're going through. At the end of the day enormous responsibilities, hormones (which can't just disappear after them having being built up for 9 months), lack of sleep etc are going to build up into these feelings. Feeling like this is nature's way of making you think rather than act which is a self defence mechanisim (imho). Just make sure you talk when you feel low though. There are always friendly ears on here and thank god for every one of you!