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Original poster

Can I just very quickly say, today was really hard

52 replies

Thomcat · 04/09/2006 22:22

I don't really do quick posts, but I'll try, so tired ...

We had a settling Lottie into school day today and it was so hard.
She just played up and at one point when I was being all calm and nice and attempting a gentle 'let's join in the singing' moment, she just pulled my hair and sort of hit me round the face
I just felt embarressed and sad and frustrated and stressed and fed up with it all basically.
I just left her to get on with it, didn't make a fuss or anything but she was just so stubborn and strong willed and would not conform when teachers tried to get her to sit with everyone else etc etc.
Teacher reading story, all kids sitting nicely, Lottie, just massively doing her own thing. I didn't even mind tbh but it was the throwing the doll into the water, pouring water onto the teacher, just generally being cheeky. She wasn't a monster but it just was one of those big smack in the face realisations - the sore thumb in the crowd moments. Other parents sympathetic smiles. Everyone saying 'oh you're Charlottes parents' - you know what I mean.
She's just SO differrent. You absolutley cannot reason with her. Other kids would stop doing X when told but not Lottie.

Oh, I din't know. Don't know why I'm posting, what my point is, what I hope to gain.....just feel utterly drained, a bit teary, a bit sad.

Sometimes it's just how it is and it's fine and it may be tiring and difficult but you don't think about it, you just do; and then sometimes it just feels so fucking hard, doesn't it.

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 04/09/2006 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milward · 04/09/2006 22:27

sounds a tough time - support to you here xxx

Aero · 04/09/2006 22:28

{{{{hug}}}} tc. Don't know that I could say anything useful as I have no experience of parenting a SN child, but the one thing that comes across so strongly here on many, many other threads is your tremendous love and pride for Lottie. Today, she was just being herself and that's ok. She certainly won't have been the only child playing up on the first day back at school. {{{another hug}}}

Original poster
Thomcat · 04/09/2006 22:31

Yeah, I'm sure she'll be fine.
Just need a holiday but didn't happen this year.
Sometimes you just want a day, or 3, off don't you.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 04/09/2006 22:33

Thomcat - I've had lots of times at school with DS2 where I felt those 'sore thumb in the crowd moments' that you mention. It is tiring and upsetting sometimes, but I found that it did get better once DS felt comfortable with the routines, the staff and the environment. I hope Lottie settles in well, and send best wishes to you both.

fattiemumma · 04/09/2006 22:33

I remember ds's firsat day at school.
I had met with his teacher and tried to explain his behavioural probs... he hadn't been statemented yet although we were in the process....she just smiled and said it would all be fine. i think she thought i was just bein an over protective mum who was just worried.

i was but i was trying to explain and i just didn't feel that she really took on board what i was saying.

first day came and i left him as i was directed to. when i came to collect him i just got one of 'those' stares from the teacher.
she ushered me into the office and told me whathe had been up to...basicly a similar day to what you have described.

I came away in tears.

i am glad to say that it did get better, they learned what ds could and couldnt do...as well as what he would and wouldn't do.

i still come away pulling my hair out sometimes but its better.

it wil get better....or at least easier.

Dingle · 04/09/2006 22:36

TC- What can I say! I just so know where you are coming from.

Just sending hugs hunny!{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}

Jimjams2 · 04/09/2006 22:36

I've been there TC, I know exactly what you mean. Think you've described it really well. I used to get pointed out in the playground as well. Give it some time, and see how it goes. One term at a time is a good way to go I think. I do think mainstream school can be very difficult, but on the other hand it can work, and it isn't until you try it that you know.

Did Lottie enjoy herself?

Original poster
Thomcat · 04/09/2006 22:38

Yeah I know, and the schoool are grerat. had 2 home visits, they've invited Lottie to do settling in every day this week, and then she'lls tart afternoon only, with everyone else next week and then into a full day in 2 weeks time.

i know once it all settles down and gets to realise her boundries and the teachers learn how o handle her it'll be fine, I know it will.

Just shit sometimes when those WE"RE DIFFERENT moments happen. Sometimes I just realise how different we / she is and i realise how tired I am.

OP posts:
tamum · 04/09/2006 22:38

Oh TC you poor thing. Does Lottie have a nice assistant? She will get used to it in time, won't she, but I can see how hard it must be when you have all these expectations of a special day

Dingle · 04/09/2006 22:41

Oh, TC.....reading this has made me just so scared!!!How will Amelia cope with no classroom support!

I am too just so physically and emotionally drained...I am dreading the next few weeks.

Does Lottie know many of the children in her class?

Original poster
Thomcat · 04/09/2006 22:41

Ahhhh, thanks for your posts. Mumsnet really counts at times like this, so nice to have this place to come to.

Thanks for asking if Lottie enjoyed herself JJ, and ummmm, errrrr well yes actually. When she was allowed to do her own thing, yes she absolutley did enjoy it Thanks for that. Yeah she loved the water, the sand the home corner and some of the story.

See, 10 minutes on here and the cloud is lifting.

OP posts:
Dingle · 04/09/2006 22:43

Oh...sorry, Dingle's come along with a raincloud!

Chin up, deep breath, brave face...hot bath and bed!!

Original poster
Thomcat · 04/09/2006 22:45

Oh Dingle
So sorry.

Feel bad sayin this now but yes Tamum, her assistant seems lovely. Really into kids, youbng, her mum fosters kids and that is what she is training to do as well, does weekend care support for teeenagers in care, worked at the school for years, lots of experience. I'm just worried she'll leave as she now lives in Oxford and said today, 'oh I said to Mrs Lyons I'd stay till Xmas but I'm still here'.

OP posts:
anorak · 04/09/2006 22:48

Hey Thomcat

I can't imagine any child sweeter or more engaging than Lottie. Yes, she is different and will find fitting in more difficult but that is her reality and she doesn't know it's more difficult for her, does she? Perhaps it actually isn't more difficult for her, perhaps it's only more difficult for you, watching.

Bless your baby. You wouldn't change her. You'd be a hundred times more tired for her if you had to and carry on with stars in your eyes, you know you would.

She's special because she's yours - she gets it from you sweetie

Original poster
Thomcat · 04/09/2006 22:48

big hugs to you Dingle {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

OP posts:
Dingle · 04/09/2006 22:50

Don't feel bad about it!!! Yes I am bitter but towards the F**KING LEA not the child who also need the support.

At least you know that with that kind of LSA, Lottie will have the best chance of settling into school as she possibly can.

Original poster
Thomcat · 04/09/2006 22:53

Bless you and cheers anorak, but she cerainly wasn't sweet today.
She's getting harder and harder tbh.
When she good, she's really really good, but when she bad she's horrid!!
She's still sweet, and funny but now she's also challenging, argumentative, cheeky, she shouts, she tests me all the time and it's ehausting and I'm scared that it'll effect Eve and .......

Ohhhhhhhh - switch off andgo to bed TC, sorry!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Thomcat · 04/09/2006 22:54

Dingle - what's happening, are you getting support. Have they refused you just the once, can I help.
Wanna see my staement or anything like that, anything I can do.

OP posts:
anorak · 04/09/2006 22:57

It's probably down to her age as much as anything else.

School wears them out you'll see!

Jimjams2 · 04/09/2006 22:57

it won't affect Eve- it's her normality! I do think having a sibling with SN can be a benefit as well as a PITA for children. They get the opportunity to grow up unfazed by mad things happening around them!

I'm glad she enjoyed her day.

Original poster
Thomcat · 04/09/2006 23:02

Ohhh can't wait for the worn out fom school evening. How much easier will it be. bring em on.
Bloody stupidly long summer holidays, ridiculos, 7 bloody weeks it's been.

And you're right about Eve JJ, I'm sure, I hope....
Please God.

OP posts:
tamum · 04/09/2006 23:16

That's really good about her assistant- bet she'll fall for Lottie and want to stay. Lottie's done fine at nursery, hasn't she? So maybe she just needs time to adjust- plenty of NT kids muck about to start with because it's such a big upheaval. Doesn't help though, does it Fingers crossed that tomorrow is a better day- go and get some rest.
xxx

Milge · 04/09/2006 23:24

I know just how you feel TC - I too had "oh, she's the child with special needs" when dd started to be herself in playgroup. It is enough to make you want to go to bed, pull the duvet over your head and never get up. But somehow, they then do something so endearing, that we cope with being stared at, winked about and find the courage to go on each day, and say, yes, she's my dd, she may not conform, but I love her. And Lottie loves you back for putting up with it all for her. Keep strong.

hunkermunker · 04/09/2006 23:30

Hey, TC - I started this for you yesterday

Sorry it was a hard day, sweetheart. Big cuddle to you all - and see you v soon x x x