Can I just very quickly say, today was really hard

[Thomcat]

I don't really do quick posts, but I'll try, so tired ...

We had a settling Lottie into school day today and it was so hard.
She just played up and at one point when I was being all calm and nice and attempting a gentle 'let's join in the singing' moment, she just pulled my hair and sort of hit me round the face
I just felt embarressed and sad and frustrated and stressed and fed up with it all basically.
I just left her to get on with it, didn't make a fuss or anything but she was just so stubborn and strong willed and would not conform when teachers tried to get her to sit with everyone else etc etc.
Teacher reading story, all kids sitting nicely, Lottie, just massively doing her own thing. I didn't even mind tbh but it was the throwing the doll into the water, pouring water onto the teacher, just generally being cheeky. She wasn't a monster but it just was one of those big smack in the face realisations - the sore thumb in the crowd moments. Other parents sympathetic smiles. Everyone saying 'oh you're Charlottes parents' - you know what I mean.
She's just SO differrent. You absolutley cannot reason with her. Other kids would stop doing X when told but not Lottie.

Oh, I din't know. Don't know why I'm posting, what my point is, what I hope to gain.....just feel utterly drained, a bit teary, a bit sad.

Sometimes it's just how it is and it's fine and it may be tiring and difficult but you don't think about it, you just do; and then sometimes it just feels so fucking hard, doesn't it.

you know TC - have not had to settled dd1 into 'school' yet but wanted to say - dd1 has started this sort of behaviour - at home especially mroe so than kindy etc..... she totally ignores anything I say or ask her to do - has been really rough with dd2 and just being so challenging in a teenagery kind of way. I sent her to her room earlier for hitting her sister and she slammed her door at me!! All i could think was - goodness she is 4 going on 13!!

I know she picks up some not so good habits from a couple of boys at kindy that seem to delight in trying to lead her astray BUT she just seems off the wall.

No doubt it will take time for her to settle in and get used to this but if she is like dd1 - once she gets into the swing of it and knows the routine - she will be fine.

thanks H, just said so on the other thread too.
And also said let's put a date in the diary aye.

Oh edisvold, i so need you to live her, i really, really need to sit down and list all the bad stuff and have you nod to about 75% or it. Sorry, that sounds mean doesn't it, but dykwim?

Ohhh just to hear that your angel is being a handful too is such a massive relief.
God what a terrible thing to say, sorry.
How selfish of me, so sorry, but won't delete it as I don't do that and it's how I feel, but soory anyway!!!!!

Ohhh it would all sound so much better face to face!

Have you still got my email somewhere?

Edisvold - the other day I asked Lottie to do something and she said "NO', pulled this squinted up comedy face, crossed her arms and bum shuffled so she was sitting not quite facing me!

It was actually very funny, although I didn't laugh, but oh my GOD! i mean.......

And Lottie is getting a bit rough with Eve too.

If I brush Lottie's hair, which she hates with a passion and Eve is near her she'll grit her teeth and push Eve or something.

Sometimes it's done in an excited, don't know my own strenght kind of way, bu it's also done to provoke a reaction from me, or to take something out on Eve or becasue Eve has made a noise she didin't like.

She doesn't sto asking about hr, first thing she says in the morning is Eve but then she can be a real little meanie with her sometimes as well.

Thomcat - I am sorry the 1st day clearly wasn't how you saw it going. But being stubborn and strong willed and not conforming - where does she get them from??? YOU!!!! Thats exaclty how you come across and proud of it! She will have to learn how to conform - she did at nursery and she will at school. she might not settle in as quickly/easily as the other children and yes the teacher might be tested and go home and and say "Oh god what a day there was a child pouring water over the ..." but who will be the child she remmebers in ten years time? I remmeber all my tikes - the ones I used gto come home and cry over but you know a few years down the line they are the ones who I smile about, made me learn a hell a lot of how to be a good (???) teacher and they are the ones who talk to me still!

I am sure she is hard to manage but at least she has 2 parents and a sister who have more love than is possible and so with all that behind her god she is one luckly girl!

Oh and the hairbrusing thing thats just 4 year olds (I hope) because dd1 does the same with dd2

TC - have my shoulder, have the other one, and cry out your good heart if you need to.

But Jimjams asked the right q - and got the right answer. And Lottie's feistiness sounds refreshingly 'average' for her age - though of course I know it must be harder to deal with because the reasoning is different in trying to negotiate with Lottie.

Bet you had pictured a lovely happy calm scene in which your little girl made you puff up with pride and joy unallayed by any pouring of water on the teacher, didn't you? Just because it wasn't a fantasy day doesn't mean she won't do ok.

Puff up with pride anyway.

But I know the looks of the parents must linger in your heart. It won't last long - they will soon get the other side of your Lottie.

XXXXXXXXXXX

TC if it is any consolation - was talking to my sil who has a dd1 the same age as my dd1 and Lottie. Whilst my neice is NT - she is behaving exactly the same - so it is not just the sn - it is just the age iyswim.

Again dd1 adores dd2 - first person she asks for in the morning, after she wakes up from her nap and so on BUT you are right - I am sure it is to get the reaction........

As to other parents - I just feel sorry for them - they don't have the joy of Lottie or the amazing people you have met through Lottie iyswim - and then I also think - walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes - when they do the tutting etc.

Hi TC, sorry you had such a hard time. How was today?

As Eids said, some of this behaviour also sounds NT. My DD (3.5) left home the other day because we wouldn't let her have something. She actually said she was going to leave home if we didn't give in, we didn't give in, so she then announced she was leaving home and stormed out of the house, complete with a door slam. When I went out to her she shrugged me off and turned her back on me. At 3 fgs!

Thomcat ds2 started Playgroup this time last year, just 2.5 and it broke my heart leaving him but dd was only 3 months and i needed the respite - he was a little monster. Luckily the staff have another sn child there and knew just how to deal with him. This is how we got his referral to CDU as the SEnco was there for this other little boy. I hope things settle down soon. I donlt know if you find this too but ds2 is always better behaved and joins in more when i am not there.

Hope you had a nice large glass of wine TC

It was the first day, she was most probably just as freaked by it all as you were. DS starts next week and he is a little sod (and I mean that!) so I think even if they are NT they still play up, because they can pick up on your feelings. At least you have the correct hours of support for Lottie though and a statement which will help tremendously. Her LSA sounds nice aswell and as the term goes on I am sure she will direct Lottie's attention away from messing about and more towards structured play. Lottie needs to trust her first though, this cant be established in a day. I would just add a note of caution aswell to keep an eye on things and if you are unhappy still after a few weeks, then raise it straight away (as I know you will)

Eve will be fine too, as jimjams says. My ds accepts this is our life, as we do. He adores his sister, his little wrestling companion, and really doesnt get aggreivated with her all that often and I try to think of it as normal brother/sister stuff anyway.

What an emotional day for you I have just realised how pathetic I am worrying about ds, I forgot all this when dd started!

Oh thanks girls, you made me laugh and made me a bit damp eyed again this morning.

Everything you say is true.

Crazzybabes - Unfortunatley she is her mothers daughter. realise what I put my own mum through now. And her strong will etc will see her right in the end, just hard when unfortunatley she needs to be shown things. She thinks she doesn't, she knows best, it's her way or no way etc. All good really, just makes it a harder path now really.

Had a proper good little sob in bed last night, just to release the tension of the day really.
Look like crap todya but whatever.

Fio - you don't sound pathertic at all, it's all relative. Good luck to you and your son too babes.

aaronsmummy - yes you're right, she'll be better without me and her dad there.

arefishymeau - lol! What are they like!

edisvold - it is a consolation, thank you. Hope you got what I was saying last night about being relieved it's not just Lottie and seeing so many similarities in my DD and your DD. Came on esp before work to see if you'd replied tbh

Blu - as always you always know exactly what's what with me and how it';s going down. Love you to pieces, thank you, xx

Message withdrawn

RnB - hello stranger, lovely to see your name pop up. Good luck for you as well mate. Never, ever easy is it. I gues I just didn't reslise it would be quite so.... tricky. It'll all be alright in the end as my nan used to say.

awww {{{hugs}}}

have to say though I know many NT children who in the first weeks of school would simply not "stop doing x when told"

but {{{{hugs}}}}

it is a huge, fundamental change to her, and your, routine ... you will all get used to it .. and it will get easier

and you know what ... "you're Charlotte's parents" is a compliment ... which you know when you're not feeling so emotionally drained

{{{Hugs}}}}

Agree with the others that the transition to school is a tricky age. DS was awful from being about 3.5-4 until about half way through reception. I think he would have improved sooner if school hadn't so utterly tired him out. But yesterday he went to school happy and confident, looking forward to seeing the other children and came home and said "I love year one, mummy". I found him much harder as a 4yo than as a toddler.

Hope today goes better and Lottie starts to settle in a bit more. She always sounds a very sociable little girl.

Sorry I missed this yesterday, TC. I hope today is a better day for you. xxx

Thank you all so much

D just emailed me to say 'nothing major but had a bit of a wobble this morning when telling G about Charlotte and school'. Bless.

It is hard Socci isn't it. Wasn't her vulnerabilty though it was her blody mindedness and stubborness and her stedfastly refusing to conform. She absolutley point blank would not bend, she was not going to sit nively, she had her own agenda and anyone who tried to stop her would be fought. In a way I admire that in her, makes me smile but in reality, in a school environment it's embaressing, it's stressful, it's dusrupting, it's just a pita and hard to deal with.

She'll learn where the boundries are and they'll learn how to manage her and it'll all be ok in the end.

My mum is there with her again as I type.
God I hope it's going ok today.
Will let you know.

Was it any better today? Did she behave better for your mum?

Ohhh bless you Crazybabs, and I'm happy to say yes.
But that was a) ma & pa were absent and b) everyone left her alone a lot more and the teacher said to her that if she sat nicely for storytime first thn she could play with the soft toys.
Yesterday as she went through the door sh spotted a box of soft toys, dropped the frame, bum shuffled over, filled her arms with literally 5 soft toys and bum shuffled arund carrying them all and wrongly her Dad and I wanted her to explore more and that's where it started to go wrong I can see that now.

It'll be slow and tricky to start but we'll all get there in the end.

Thanks for thinking of us and checking in

OH good for her - mind you soft toys is the 1st thing I owuld for too. DD1 starts school tomorrow - she'll be fine. I just worry about her lack fo friend making skills!