Somebody please talk me down

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Ds has gone from bad to worse & I don't know what to do anymore .
I'm at the point where I just want to hand him to social services as I just can't take anymore at all

He had an accident before school today (fell and banged his head) apart from the bump he is fine but I kept him off school anyways just incase.
He didn't sleep last night at all & managed an hours nap mid morning.
He can't/won't swallow his Melatonin (3 ×2mg daily) so he isn't sleeping altogether anymore,Gave him some piriton I know I shouldn't have but I was desperate & even that didn't work .
His GP says their is no other form of Melatonin available so he is stuck with the tablets .

I have been punched,bit,hit & he is persistently calling me names (fat bitch,fuck off etc) , I quit tidying up as he will be their two seconds later messing it up again , He has drawn all over the walls/doors with a felt pen & squashed his tea in to my carpet while laughing

I can't take another second , I have put him to bed even though he won't go to sleep and I'm just listening to him scream & trash his room .

I can't do this I can't cope and I don't think I have the will power to go any further with him .

..

I'll try and answer them all

No partner or other children .
Ds is 5 1/2 .
No diagnosis as the consultant needs video proof & also says it could be my lack of parentinng skills as I'm so young (I'm 26)
No DLA & no outside help as no diagnosis .

He attends a free school as he was in the nursery for two years before so he was settled in the nursery/school & plus the class sizes are small (15 in his class & only 6 classes in the whole school) he would not cope in a mainstream school with all he noise and people .

No child care & I don't work at the moment as not able to put Ds in childcare due to his problems .

I think I covered everything you asked

You should apply for DLA and if awarded for carer's allowance. This is based on need rather than diagnosis. And change your GP - I was an emergency referral to SS when I collected video evidence because this is a strange thing for parents to do - ie video distress rather than intervening. First task is getting referral because you have legitimate concerns to request it.

The only parenting course local too me is 10 miles away and starts at 8am , so their is no possible way I could get their .

Ds is too strong and too fast for me to be able to do anything with him at all , I just can't leave the house anymore I'm like a prisoner

Its suspected Aspergers he is supposes to be getting help/assessed for but his specialist won't so anything because I have no video evidence

He has only just started acting out at school so I'm hoping they mention that in the report that the Specialist has requested else I'm screwed as I've no chance of getting video evidence

I applied for DLA & I were turned down even after appealing etc

Poor poor you. Can you insist on another gp? Also call social services regarding emergency respite ? Can you video anything or take pictures of the damage he's doing? You must so desperately need a break, is there any way you can get a bit more help? You can get social services to assess your needs too and get help because you can't function w the disruption and lack of sleep. Try contact a family for advice - they helped us deal w social services. I'm so sorry you are in this situation - its scary when they get bigger and you can't control them /protect them when they have rages. We are getting a safe space for our 4 year old but we have diagnosis, sn nursery etc all onside. We are now in a place where we are getting enough rest to implement behaviour strategies etc but before that too much in crisis to do that - esp when she wasn't sleeping.
To get ss to get a move on maybe its worth telling them you are concerned about how to keep him safe when he's angry and raging

Thanks First I were supposed to change doctors today but didn't manage to get their unfortunately.

Won't SS take my Ds away from me if I say I can't cope ?

Fwiw we have never needed to video anything for evidence - they take our word for things although sometimes I make a record just to have accurate info. Dd has severe ASD clearly v delayed but I'm shocked they are insisting you video things

I have tried to get a video but it has resulted in several injuries & 2 broken phones so its not easy

Video sounds a bit unreasonable but maybe set up a video camera to continuous record and leave it tucked out of sight rather than trying to record with a phone? Libraries can often lend out audio visual equipment if you don't have a camera of your own (may need to be requested from a central library).

Thanks I'll try and get a cheap video camera from somewhere and do it that way & I'll also start on that parenting course

Id speak to contact a family to get clear picture of the law if you are concerned but basically i think you need to say you cant cope in order to get help. You should make clear you are in a situation where you can't be expected to cope - like severe sleep deprivation, violent behaviour from your child. They should then try to provide assistance so the situation becomes manageable. We have told social services about our concerns to keep dd safe if the situation continues particularly in our case the extreme sleep deprivation and the meltdowns that went w it. We made clear we were doing our best to look after her and keep her safe but we couldn't do it effectively in the circumstances we were in. One of the first things that happened once we got the various professionals involved with us to call ss and register how e/trend it was getting we got 48 hours respite. She stayed with a couple with huge experience and we got other forms of respite in the following weeks, we are getting on top of the situation again now but it was a terrifying time. We are now getting more regular respite and making plans for how to keep her safer and manage her behaviour as she gets bigger. I'm still scared it all won't be enough to keep her home w us as she grows up.
We are well known to sn professionals as she goes to a sn nursery and camhs have been working with us so they know she's hard work and know we are doing our very best and are competent concerned parents - I've not encountered this complete second guessing of our parentingyou have - I was very clear we want nothing more than to look after her and love her as best we can , just we urgently needed more help and I was concerned fr her if the situation at home should continue - I think that was seen favourably. I'd call an agency and get a clear picture and advice about yiur worries re what ss will do but you need to tell them what its like and make clear why you need help

Sorry above is possibly ill informed, I've been too tired to check out the legal end so its just my impression of it from the feedback we got and I wanted to tell you some of the things we told as without anyone seeing any reason to take her from us as far as we know. Try contact a family. To my mind ss will try to keep children with their parents unless its in the children's best interests - as in parents aren't abusive or neglectful and there's a huge diff between that and being overwhelmed and overstretched by a child w sn. Please don't be scared to get help and try to find SME supportive professionals or use advocacy agencies to help you find someone, you can do a lot of that on the phone if getting out is getting difficult

Oh you poor thing it must be very hard for you.
Do you not have any friends or family that can help you or support you?
As others have said, I think you definatley need to see a different GP and do contact Contact a Family they are really good and have helped us in the past. The triple p link poltergoose sent looks good. I hope you get some help soon.

Can you trigger one of his meltdowns in front of a professional witness, in particular the GP and then also try and video it to escalate things so they can see for themselves?

5P approach was my "breakthrough book" re DS's behavior. The resources can be used across all settings home and school which finally introduced the consistency DS so badly needed. the author is lovely too in the flesh so down to earth and straight forward and non-patronising, like a breath of fresh air.

If you are on income support and don't own your own home then you are entitled to legal aid for educational purposes. If the worst happens and you are turned down this'll get you access to some independent reports. At this stage you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by applying for a statement. IPSEA is the site to choose.

We've mentioned before doing that online parenting course. We've also mentioned changing GP and asking for a second opinion on the NHS re diagnosis - your pead is a turd! I do think it's time to play hardball here with a polite but sternly worded letter formally requesting a second opinion out of area as per your legal entitlement.

It's OK to ring up the education department and ask to be put on a safe child restraint course - team teach is the name of the most common one. Children's centres can sometimes help with support like this too.

Does your child attend any afterschool clubs/groups or playschemes? It can sometimes be helpful to enroll a child at one of these for a couple of hours a week just so that an outsider can witness the extreme behavior. If you can then get them to pop it in a short written format then you have "evidence" that it's not just your poor parenting. (This is something I only discovered by total accident btw - was surprised that the word of someone who'd met my son 3 times counted for so much more than mine who'd known the child all his life but that's how these people operate!).

I was supposed to be changing Doctors etc today bit couldn't as had Ds off school I'm hoping he is in a good enough mood so we can go in to town and do it next week as it is a matter of urgency , I'll be doing the parenting course next fortnight once I get my laptop back as its been repaired at the moment .

I am extremely Warey of SS from previous friends/family experiences .
No friends or family as they all ran a mile because of Ds behaviour as they couldn't cope with it and didn't understand him .

Erm not on Income Support I'm on ESA due to my own health problems .
I have signed Ds up for beavers which he starts the 7th of July I'm just hoping he doesn't get kicked out tbh & I'm looking at Gymnastic classes for him .
We did go to a Junior Yoga session once but we were asked to leave after ten minutes .

So what do I say to the education when I ring them ?

Its hard to kick off one of his meltdowns as for some obscene reason we always get the first appointment of the day so Ds is usually ok because he isn't so worked up or tired iyswim & also I still haven't worked out what his trigger is .
He has started to chew on anything he can get his hands on his favourite things are those plastic ice cubes and the mouse mat that the optician let him keep
He has terrible vision (almost none in one eye) which was only picked up on last year though no improvement as he wont wear his glasses .

The only other thing is those Sensory lights or even mood lamps he will sit and watch for hours they just aren't safe though & those that are I can't afford

Thanks Goose that looks fab

Just wanted to say you're not alone, I just came on here to post something very similar about my dd, (and I have a h (although he copes worse than I do) and family support. And we get DLA, and she has a diagnosis).

It looks like you've had lots of good advice already (I'm pinching some of it ) I hope things get better for you soon

Thanks Lola & Goose I have just ordered that book thank you , where can I buy the chew stuff ?