Last post here, I'm moving to behavioural board

[Babieseverywhere]

Good news, there is nothing wrong with my DS. After an hour talking to lady who works for comm paed told us he is too chatty and shows good imagination, apparantly if it was asd he would be quieter.

I disagreed with the imagination point, as repeating what he watches on youTube is not using imagination to my mind which she agreed, but the main point still stands.....he is fine, thank goodness. :)

DS behaved just as expected never stopping still, spinning, crawling, talking none stop about Minecraft.

So that is that, I am officially a bad parent.:( Even better the school will have a letter stating that soon. Oh well, guess that will make the tutting, gossipy parents happy, as they watch me dragging my kicking screaming child into school, every morning.

I am moving back to behavioural board to see if I can get some pointers about getting my DS to school on Monday.

Lady is referring DS to SALT for a higher level language assessment and for a hearing test and a review of those meeting in four months with the comm paed.

I will be contacting school to cancel the asd unit assessment we were waiting for, as we need a referral to the behavioural unit for help getting him into school and the school can't refer to both places at the same time.

On the bright side behavioural problems can often be corrected, if I can figure out what I am doing wrong.

Thanks for listening whilst I was waiting for an appointment...turned out school, DH was right.Hope he does have friends at school, I would love to be wrong there too.

My Ds never stops talking, never!!

If gut instinct is telling you asd I'd ask to see someone else.

You're not a bad mother. Having a child with autistic traits is bloody hard at times!

Please don't cancel any appointments , the reasons this lady has given you to suggest your child doesn't have asd are complete rubbish. My Ds talks constantly about Star Wars and he can show good imagination when he is copying what he has learnt.
Our paed said Ds was socially immature and asd was not apparent, he was coping at school, all good. 13 months on Ds has dx of ASD.
Your not a bad parent, please explore it further.

Is there any way of self referring for behavioural help, in the meantime ?

Hi Babieseveywhere..

I agree what everyone says.

My DS has only 2 of the symptoms of ASD but still has a diagnosis. Even the DR who assessed him said that my DS is so typical, and said he does not resemble most kids with autism. But because of his delays in social communication he got his diagnosis.

Another one here who would advise you to keep gathering evidence and if in 6 months you are still concerned then re-refer and see a developmental paed. The person you saw may well be wrong, but you must keep an open mind and be open to further assessments if your DS is still having difficulties.

My son has ASD and NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. or making noises. and he is LOUD!!!! He is unable to modulate his own voice so he only has one volume setting and it's 1000%. You can always hear us before you see us.
My son also has imagination, and he is classic ASD. Don't be afraid of coming back to the SN boards. And never ever accept someone telling you it is down to your parenting. Load of Bollocks.

Oh fgs, I've heard it all now.

I have 2 dds on the spectrum - at opposite ends. dd1 has severe ASD, with a severe language disorder. She has not stopped talking since she first managed to utter a word - quite literally. I was told at one point, about 6 mmotnhs before her dx that she 'couldn't' have ASD.

dd2 is the opposite - very high functioning, recently dx'd (age 7) with HFA/AS. She first started talking at 14 months (her first word was 'dinosaur' ) and she too has barely stopped long enough to draw breath...

IF you want to try out some behavioural solutions, read up (on here - there is loads in the archives, or start a new thread) on ABA (Applied Behavioural Analysis). THere are quite a few of us here on MN who use/have used ABA very successfully to help manage behavioural issues (as well as other issues - my dd1 attends an ABA school, so her whole education is shaped around behavioural techniques)

One person can't diagnose/rule out asd. It has to be multi disciplinary assessment usually over time and include a standardized assessment e.g. ados disco etc. DD was not diagnosed until 10. Her difficulties at 12 are now so severe that she needs specialist support. Wish I had not just thought she was anxious and her tantrums were bad behaviour when she was small. You would not be sent to SALT if there was nothing to check out. Please do not give up at first hurdle. The more people who see and assess the better chance that his difficulties will be understood.

She also thought he gave good eye contact, when he only appeared to glance at her and look around 99% of the time but I am no expert.

"After an hour talking to lady who works for comm paed told us he is too chatty and shows good imagination, apparantly if it was asd he would be quieter".

Who exactly is this woman who you saw and what knowledge does she actually possess?. This was after all not the comm paed that you saw. It also sounds to me like you were being failed here and badly so. Honestly, her reasons for dismissing ASD are complete and utter shite and she is talking out of her behind.

You will need to be persistent in order to get answers. Do NOT be fobbed off, you are all too aware now that you are your child's best - and only - advocate here. Also, do not cancel any assessments you have lined up either.

She works with the Comm Paed but not a doctor.

I am waiting for her to refer to SALT, hearing test and a meeting with her boss the Comm Paed herself in four long months time. I will keep my behaviour diary up to date, just in case it helps.

I think the school will cancel the asd unit assessment, when they get a letter saying this lady has already ruled asd out. You think it is worth pushing from this assessment, even though it will hold up referral to the behavioural team ?

I’m sorry you didn’t get any positive answers about how what the issue was and how to manage him babies, I had my fingers crossed for you!

My DS also talked beautifully at his SALT assessment until she tried to take him off his chosen topic, and that in itself was part of his assessment. So who knows, that SALT appointment may come up with some useful insights.

And I'm sure you're welcome here for as long as you want to be here.

Although my son has never had a formal assessment he doesn't have asd. However he does have other things that took 4.5 years to diagnose. If you leave the system now you be back at looking at 4.5 year fight like me. Let 10 diiferenc professionals tel you he's fine. Not just the first person you see. If I had listened to to the first 50 people who said ds was lazy, just a boy, he's fine, it's you, your compairung him to his brother, my son / nephew/ niece/ postman/ dog was like but is a geniuses now I would be still wondering why my six year old can't learn, can't talk well and is struggling. Thinking it was me but in reality never knowing he had dyspraxia - FOR LIFE. No parenting course or guilt can change that.

Not saying you son has anything wrong but go to the next referrals even its just to set your mind its normal behaviour

It sounds as though this woman has been using "Rainman" as the source of her knowledge about ASD. I would ignore her comments and go ahead with the assessment.

Btw your not a bad parent. Good parents fight for answers, be pushy, shout at the kids, live in denial or miss things or get things wrong but bad parent plain don't care.

my dd has inconsistent eye contact. she is very bright and learnt to look at bridge of nose to make it look like she was looking. she can do eye contact and she has asd.

If you want to read up on behavioural stuff, a good place to start (I think it's been mentioned to you before, but there's a lot going on for you to take in, so you may not have seen it) is www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/
Lots of fantastic advice sheets and ones that talk you through doing a functional behaviour assessment (ie work out when and why a behaviour is happening because "bad behaviour" is, usually, a form of communication - "I'm confused", "I'm bored", "I feel threatened", "I need to be understood") as well as how to work out ways to reduce dysfunctional behaviour or at least lessen its impact.

Ironically my post for behavioural help on the behaviour board has got several responses saying seek help for your son he sounds unhappy and ask for a referal from the gp !

Plan is too see if we can afford a childminder to take the girls to school for a few days. So I can follow with baby in pram and DS. If he kicks off no Minecraft that day. My DH thinks if we are super tough DS behaviour will improve and frankly it is worth a try.

Thanks ouryve, looking at your link now.

It's always worth a try - a good idea to log what you do and what the outcome is.

The lady is talking BS - do not cancel ANY assessments

As for the tutting, gossiping parents - two finger salute to them

Please remember it isn't your fault nor bad parenting on your part

Your husband needs to be on your side

I have been there

All the best x

It would help a lot to have DH on board but it sounds like he will have to be dragged out of denial. The plan of being super tough may help - don't worry we have all gone along with things. If DS does have ASD issues this approach will make things worse and will be deeply unpleasant but may get DH onside. This would effectively be using his special interest to punish ASD school related anxiety but sometimes people need to see with their own eyes. I'm sure you wouldn't continue to go along with it if it made things worse. I can still remember the Senco at one of DS1's m/s primary schools saying that they needed to keep up the punishment until he realised there was no choice as if she were breaking in a wild horse.

If he just needs more discipline the strategy will have a chance of working and he will accept his punishment and modify his future behaviour.

Babies, no-one here is saying your child DOES have ASD. They are simply saying that the reasons given to you for claiming he doesn't are odd, worrying and a huge red flag for incompetence.

Get someone qualified to rule out ASD.

Another chatterbox here and also a minecrafter. He wasn't diagnosed until aged 10 when it took a SALT who specialises in ASD to recognise the subtleties of his condition. He was previously regarded as not having AsD by his paed as he was capable of having a reciprocal conversation. However it was usually pretty basic and more of a tool to start off on his own topic. Imagination also seemed there but like your DS it was mainly copied from TV and the same thing over and over. He also has an ADHD diagnosis although I think his ADHD symptoms are pretty much sensory rated which I think is more asd related