School hoping Ds will disappear

[Skylar123]

Can I have some thoughts please.
I have recently applied for SA. Meeting with HT basically consisted of me being told to bog off we can't do anymore for you ( not in those words of course) but that was the jist of it. Followed by a good meeting with outside specialist who came up with a couple of more strategies for the school to use which seem great and have been implemented immediately. No cost to these ideas just a little bit of time. Also must add school have given support and Ds has 9 weekly support programs currently in place plus support for anxiety. Ds holds it together at school so no problems when actually in school with regards to behaviour, etc. The biggest problem right now is Ds school based anxiety, self esteem and low attainment.

When I spoke to ht yesterday she asked me about whether I would be moving Ds to another school (a question that keeps popping up recently) which I replied with 'no as then it just takes the issues from one sch to another and that I would like to fight for SA and see where that leads us and then think about school placements once he has his statement' (seriously high hopes I know)

Ht called me today and mentioned again about looking for another school for Ds. Also said I would not get a statement and as key stage 2 progresses it would be more difficult to get Ds to a new school so I should really do it sooner rather than later.

Why would the school be so keen to get rid of us? Without the statement they have no obligation to continue the support they are offering do they and if they think Ds will
never get a statement what are they worries about .

Can you give me some thoughts on what could be behind their thought process or is it simply a case of this child is costing us too much time and money lets get him out if we can.

i might not have made it clear in the post above but ht def wants ds out. I cant quote him exactly on what he said as i cant properly remember but even in meeting yesterday whereby I had a friend it very much sounded like his attitude was ' ds has got more than enough and he aint getting anymore - go find a new school'

do you think ht got peeeved that he told me yesterday ds would get nothing more and then the follow up meeting enabled us to get some more support for ds (which ht was not part of) follow up meeting was with austism advisory and she was telling the school what she thought they should do and listening to my reasons for why i thought they should do it/how it could help. So we left with three things that we didnt have before like some time out for ds to do his own interests and a home/school diary, which class teacher looked rather unimpressed and unenthusastic about. AA agreed and requested that they follow it.

Maybe i should get them to clarify why ds cant go to club, but only if you think this is necessary and may help when fighting for SA. I can mention the school thing when they bring it up again, yes?

oh god user go away please!

sorry i cross posted to your replies. going back to have a proper read.
thanks as ever to you all.
I am such a wimp !

You don't have to quote him, just clarify what he was saying.

Dear HT,

I have been thinking more about your suggestion of finding a different school for ds and just wanted to make sure I understood the reasons you felt it would be appropriate.

If I remember correctly, you mentioned that the school were doing all they could for ds but cannot provide any more of the support he needs.

You also mentioned recently that you are unable to provide support for him to access the library club which I suggested might help him to cope with the unstructured playtime and therefore he would not be able to attend.

blah blah blah.

Please do let me know if I have misunderstood. As you know I am serious about ensuring my child's needs are met in the most adequate way and appreciate your professional opinion on this.

Ta Muchly,

Skylar

Skylar

I'll be blunt - you need to grow some. The Head is talking complete bollocks. He cannot say whether you will/will not get a Statement. He cannot say that his school cannot offer additional help - if the LA gives him the resources then his school can deliver anything. He cannot stop your DS taking part in any of the functions at school that any other pupil there can take part in.

BUT... he hopes that you will believe that you won't get a Statement, that school cannot provide any more, that your DS cannot take part....

BECAUSE it's easier for him if you and your DS just disappear off into the sunset so he doesn't have to spend school money supporting your DS when he could usefully use that money to redecorate the toilets.

So, you need to decide whether you really want to keep him at a school that's run by a dickhead Head like that who lies to you, or wether your son may actually be better supported in another school where the Head doesn;t lie and actually has your DS's best interests at heart.

Star is right - the email is not for the consumption of the Head, it's for the consumtion of the judge at Tribunal. It's not nice to have to write an email like this but it's something you need to do and I would have no qualms whatsoever in doing it. You, after all, are merely recording what he did actually say to you. If nothing else, that email will tell him to back off and start treating you more fairly.

But this is just the start. It will get dirtier and you need to be prepared for that. You would not believe just how dirt it could get.

Best wishes

thank you star sod'em , its not about them its about ds.
I do worry they may pull all support out from under his feet.
It is a very clicky school and they must have control, countless parents have fallen out with them and left.

thanks mycat too. lol at your first comment - so true! my mum was a big softie, i get it from her.
I am telling you they will have me if i get their backs up !

So what? You have us!!!!

TBH I would be looking for another school anyway, but not before the statement is done.

In some ways it will help if the school 'have you', provided you keep putting it in writing.

Thank you

I think I was getting a bit to close to being in your shoes about 6-12 months ago. Ds will never get a dx, ds will never get a statement, lots if people have xyz and cope in life.

Two things here. 1) ds has needs that not being met when they should be 2) everyone without exception involved in ds care are not seeing this and driving me bonkers!

1. matters 2) putting effort into this is distracting from 1)

Yes he is a dick. Clearly. Defiantly write a email to him, ds is being excluding from library club as his needs can not be met there - please let me what needs and how you can not meet them in the same way as his peers, you feel ds would be better in another school. Please tell me what you feel another school could acomodate his needs that this school can not. Nice crisp emotion free facts.

Don't give school any emotion, no feelings "I feel let down, I feel ds is being pushed aside" etc.

They are giving you evidence that they can not meet needs. Take that evidence and keep your cards to yourself. Go through the sa hoops as that is the only thing that can help. There is process and all you do is follow it.

I know this sounds like a hard thing to do but I have been there and gone from "he will get no statement and prolly fail all gcse's " to having his senco, ct, 1:1 teacher and specialist teacher sitting round a table four two hours with me saying how they are bending over backwards to get him this statement.

Your not alone, you can do this, it will be worth it

Thanks 2boys very inspirational