Non-Violent Resistance by Haim Omer. Has anyone read this???

[Swanhildapirouetting]

A friend was recommended this to deal with her 13 year old's violent rages. I've read it, just out of interest, as a counter to The Explosive Child.
He also talks about dealing with OCD children and self-imurement.
He seems to discount all "pathologies" ie: autism, or OCD and say that it is the family dynamics (specifically parental authority) that needs to be sorted.

Any thoughts? I've been thinking a lot of about control issues, child trying to control me, me trying to control child and how it all stacks up.

On the whole it seems an excellent book, promoting reconciliation, security, ending violent attacks on family members, shouting screaming, preaching, escalation...but I just wondered whether there is something flawed about his approach to child's intrinsic reasons for being violent etc. He is anti a pyschotherapeutic approach to individual child and focuses on parent more.

ourvye and polter my family member used to lock himself away for days on end, only coming out for food when no-one was around to talk to him. No doubt he felt like that was the best solution and he was much happier that way than the alternative, which was to come out of his room and communicate. But it didn't make him happier (being left in peace). What he needed was for the adults to reestablish some sort of contact with him, which did not mean banging on his doors somedays, and some days just giving up.

I love being left in peace. I love being alone. But there are limits to seclusion, and mostly it is because when you function in a group (like most of us in families) longterm seclusion isn't functioning. That's why school refusal is such an issue. Children might find school upsetting and we might feel schools are very difficult places for them, because the teachers haven't done all they could to understand them and supervise them and teach them properly, but deep down we think that they need to be there because the community benefits them. We don't want them to be alone, even if that feels easier in the shortterm. [disclaimer. I say this as someone who is considering Home Ed for ds2 for academic reasons, but frightened that he will lose his chance to socialise]

cross post julia. I think we probably use music therapy in our house unwittingly I have a friend who is a music therapist, and trains other music therapists, but I've never thought to ask her about this (we are usually too busy discussing our children She is also trained now to be a pyschotherapist so I wonder how it all fits together.

I think that dogmas can be very restricting, but people like them because they can fit everything into one simple framework which explains everything from that point of view. Essentially men like Professor Omer or Bowlby like self contained whatchamcallits (narratives? ) that explain things in patterns. Whereas it is much more random and less satisfying to admit that lots of stuff doesn't fit standardised narratives.

I completely agree, Swanhilda, with what you said about dogmas and standardized narratives. And I think that doesn't mean we can't pick and choose ingredients out of those narratives that suit us and we feel might help, even if aspects of the theory and the main argument doesn't work for us. But my fear with a book like this is that it could do immediate damage to vulnerable people if the underlying tenants were taken onboard and some of the methods put into action.

It is interesting to think how the music therapy and psychotherapy fit together. I'm planning to look into music therapy soon.

Also I agree there are limits to seclusion, despite the importance of alone time. But I don't think the sit-in is the way to go, because it is forceful and intrusive without offering solutions - a combination that would push some people over the edge.

Just got my ds a little trampoline for his room. He loves it. It's an outlet for excess energy when he's hyper and it makes him laugh and relaxes him.

Another thing, the 'evidence' in this book is actually just a sprinkling of anecdotes. No follow ups reported to record longer term effects of the interventions either. And yet the approach is gaining currency and being implemented in the UK.

I agree with zzzz about the gross invasion of privacy. The idea is for the parent to enter and sit in front of the door so the child is trapped inside with them. It puts the parent at risk too.

I think NVR is a great technique for relatively powerless people to use on powerful individuals or regimes who are oppressing or harming the disadvantaged or vulnerable... Perhaps the author has undersold it buy suggesting the primary application for SN families is within a domestic context

Though Mandela thought there also needed to be international pressure, financial sanctions and a carefully-targetted armed struggle component

Maria, I like your take on this! I think DS's headteacher could benefit from a sit-in - and carefully targeted armed struggle is tempting too.