Schools letter supporting statement request

[Skylar123]

I am applying for SA for my Ds , I asked the school to write me a supporting letter to add to my initial application as they offered to apply on my behalf when I told them I was doing it.
I have got the letter today and it makes no mention of Ds's difficulties at school, it mentions lots about his difficulties I have discussed with them at home and parts of the paeds report that we got before Ds dx. There is nothing about his academic struggles or his poor social functioning or his communication difficulties.
Surely if the letter is to support a statement request for special educational needs the content of this letter won't help.
The letter ends with we think that Ds's behaviour at home may extend to school. That's it.
Ds has not done a full day at school for over a week consequetively and has been late several times a week since November his attendance has gone from 97% to 81% and still falling. He is not going to sch because he is anxious and stressed about it.
Shall I just not bother sending this letter I can't see how it will help.

Should I drag Ds to school or should I attempt and follow routine as usual and if he won't go without a struggle leave it, I can, have and will persist for hours , what's the right thing to do.

Use the behaviour management strategies that work at home for other things and make sure you are carrying them through but be careful not to threaten to remove a privilege that supports hie well being. When DD1 couldn't attend CAMHS told us not to bargain about her time with horses because that was such an important way for her to destress.

Keep a record of the strategies you are using and make sure that you make it clear that you are not making home more attractive by letting him sit in front of the TV all day.

You're the expert in your own child so you're the best person to suggest to school what might help him. They may be more prepared to make those small adjustments once a statutory assessment is under way.

Yes to going to the GP. You can ask them to write a letter to the EWO confirming the anxiety.

Sorry, should have said use just the behaviour management strategies that work at home. Don't escalate matters beyond things you are comfortable to use.

Keep a diary of the strategies you use to get him to school each day.

As for the rest, get your application in. Just do it. I know you want to get it perfect and see this as your one shot, but it never is. Like it or not, you will have plenty more opportunities to make your case and SA applications can me made over again.

As for the meeting tomorrow, give your apologies. If you're feeling up to it, inform them that your reason is that you now realise how completely they have ignored or misunderstood his needs and would rather focus your time on your ds' needs yourself until he is offered an adequate education for his needs.

Then, after you have sent iff your app, as mentioned below write to the SENCO copying in a letter that gives all the info they should have, pointing out all your ds's needs and difficulties WITH school and ask them to correct any factual inaccuracies. Their silence, or justifications can be useful evidence.

But get on with the App!

Thanks sooooo much to you all. I've done it!! It was so easy I wish I hadn't taken so long.
I've followed the Ipsea letter and added my bits where necessary. I've enclosed our private dx report which highlights mainly social and comm issues which is fine as that is what the statement needs to be based on (is that ok) and it also recommend one hour specialist support in class per day plus one to one support in playground. I've added the schools list if what they say they are doing. Some if it is actually untrue. Is this all enough...for now.

Not keeping diary of strategies used - so will. Tbh I'm
Just begging and pleading and stopping and rewarding and then begging and pleading then forcing!

I will write to the senco star I'm too annoyed to care what they think of me now. They clearly arnt helping so being nice has got me nowhere. I will always be polite tho.

I'm going to gp tomorrow and will
Contact EWO.

Dreading the morning ...Ds is already telling me he can't go to school in the morning

Quite sad pulling bits out of the reports and losing what Ds difficulties actually are. Bit of an eye opener for me to see it all in one place. About time I got my ass into gear for him.

And I wouldn't have done it without mumsnet...thank you

Well done Skylar.

First step now taken.

You should be able to have a breather for a few weeks now.

Phew!!

Just begging and pleading and stopping and rewarding and then begging and pleading then forcing!

I learned this one the hard way. We tried to manhandle DD1 (then aged 12) onto the school bus once and several times we forced her into the car. After the bus incident I had a bit o a 'road to Damascus' moment and realised how much damage it was doing to her mental health and our relationship. I stopped trying to force her and a couple of days later a CAMHS practitioner told me never to do it again.

When DD2 was being assessed at the age of 7, the school wanted me to manhandle her and, when I refused them permission, they wanted to come to the house to get her themselves. I said no and they called a meeting with the Ed Psych to deal with the issue of me 'letting DD1 think school was optional by not forcing her'. I explained all the strategies I was prepared to use and that I used them every day. The Ed Psych told then school in no uncertain terms that forcing her wasn't an option and they had to make school more manageable for her so that she could attend voluntarily.

Use rewards, use sanctions, consider negotiating on half days if he goes by a certain time, make home less fun than school, give him school work to do at home but please don't force him any more.

Skylar

Couple of things:

Any chance that he does not want to go to school because he is being bullied there?

Secondly, when DS would not leave the house (wouldn't leave his bedroom actually) I did get him to agree to go out for long walks afetr dark. At least it got him out and got him some exercise and her felt safe outside when there was no one about. We built on that so he would go out earlier (dusk) and I also tempted him out by promising him a bag of chips if we walked as far as the chip shop.

Just thoughts.

gold I feel terrible ! I'm not going to force him anymore. In bed tonight he started holding his breath then turned to me and said I can't go to school because I can't breathe I will die school makes me not breathe. I said it's ok you will always breathe , don't hold your breath, you don't need to try to breathe, breathing is something that just happens on it's own. I'm sick mummy, he said. I'm really sick he then cried but in a panicky shaking way.

Ds is fine to do school work or school related work at home he copies his timetable and reproduces his lessons. He just doesn't seem to want to do it at school.

wet I can almost def say he isn't being bullied although not 100% I have asked and asked I have asked in many different ways at many different times .

That's a good idea about the nighttime walking he would like that just me and him. He is very clingy to me, always has been. School said it is seperation anxiety but there is too many autistic traits plus a private dx and another peaditrician whom i saw in December said Ds was in the spectrum and it was not subtle at all. He spent 40 mins with us.

I'm thinking to add the recent correspondence between myself and sch regarding Ds not going to school and why - shall I add them now or leave till later

Thank you

LEAVE!!!

Honestly - correspondence like that is not necessary at this time,

Ok
This is what I have added with the letter
Dx report showing social
Communication difficulties

Pead report stating high anxiety and stress related to school and referral to camhs

Sch letter showing support they currently offer

Referral form from school made in 2012 for concerns re Ds (way before dx)

It's going special delivery as soon as I can get little Ds out of the house tomorrow

Sounds OK to me.

They'll contact school anyway.

Well done.

Leave it. You've got the thing in, so now you need to focus on your Ds and yourself.

Your poor lad. There may not be overt bullying, but the effects of ignorance of those in power can be utterly detrimental to a child who has difficult making sense of the experiences he faces, and IMO be worse than bullying in terms of the effect.

Being frightened and distressed without any understanding how to alleviate it or what you can do to make it go away has got him to a place where his only option he feels available to him is avoidance.

School should be a place he wants to go, or at least doesn't mind going to, and that is the schools responsibility with your help. It is absolutely not your child's problem to solve.

Ah your in the deep end at moment! Now the application has gone you can semi relax for six weeks. Not completely - but it's mainly out of your hands for a while. This is breathing space. Well done!

My son doesn't have asd so I announced one to advise. But when I'm stressed he stresses more. When I loose my temper he looses control. He needs calm predictable firm rules or we quickly get into very hot water. I think I could trigger a full blown explosion in about ten minutes if I wanted to ( believe me I never would but ykwim - I know his buttons ).

Some days can be hellish, but if I sit calmly I k ow what went wrong and how it should have been. But I need head space. So what I mean is - maybe things seem to be getting worse due to your statement assessment woes?

12-6 months ago I thought ds was on the verge of killing him self with his own stupidity ( sorry ds) he was running out in front of cars, pushing my baby about, trying to get out of a moving car. It was terrifying. Now it's calmed downs lot. Looking back I was applying for assessment and either we was all getting stressed or my ability to deal with ds wasn't on the ball.

This is a hard job. Your doing great. This week sucks, but now your a bit closer to a happy ds who has his needs met at school.

Thanks for your help wet it's funny getting so much help from people you don't know, good to know there are kind, decent people out there still.

I'm sure I will
Be back in 6 weeks in a right old panic.

In the meantime I wil be watching the board for tips, advice and knowledge and helping if I can.

Thanks 2boys and star* your all posters I couldn't have done without. Your so right about the overt bullying thing star. I'm thankful for the day I was pointed in the direction of mumsnet to get help. You all make me stronger and make me realise that their are others like Ds, some even worse then Ds, you show me where I am going wrong and what I should be expecting and what my Ds rightfully deserves.i would have cracked up without MN. Sad state of affairs really lol. Thank you

< right Star and 2boys.... I need your help. If she changes her mind we need to get to her postcode immediately , Star holds her down while 2boys wrestles the application from her and I remove the application to a place of safety (i.e. post box) >

Lol! I will be there....

But you might have to come round and give me some stern talking too before I'm finished with this daft process as pay back.

Sorry! I didn't mean to make you feel terrible, just to empower you to do the right thing for your DS.

School said it is seperation anxiety

I was told the same thing. Also an attachment disorder by DD1's school.

What they don't seem to get is that a child will be reluctant to separate from the person who helps them to feel safe when they are being left in an environment that makes them feel so anxious. My DDs have almost always been happy to separate from me to go to places they felt safe, e.g. my parent's house, our church holiday club. It just had to be places they felt safe. School wasn't one of them so they have both gone through stages of clinging to me in sheer panic at the door.

I can't give you a bollocking 2boys, or I'll get a reputation as a mean, nasty cow.

Oh dear - I think I have that already

Very good point Gold

Hahahaha...it's going in that post box tomorrow and tonight will be the first night I go to bed happy in a long time . wet is good at giving you a stern telling off 2boys she's given me enough.