Reposting from chat. Please help!

[Faverolles]

Ds2 is 8, being assessed for possible ASD. He's fine at school, but violent and aggressive at home.
We have some times when things are relatively calm, and we feel that we know what we're doing, then we have weeks like this week, which are absolute hell on earth, and drive us to near breaking point.
I don't know if it's a normal back to school thing, but every evening this week, we've (all the rest of the family - me, dh, ds1, dd and ds3) been threatened, punched, slapped, bitten, spat at, sworn at, insulted constantly.
I can't cope. I know he'll calm down a bit at some point, we'll still have this behaviour, but not as intensely. But for now, the whole family is struggling.
We've explained to the older dc (13 and 11) that they need to back off from ds2, when he's feeling angry, he needs space.
Ds1 in particular seems to think that we are favouring ds2 because he gets more time with us, but this week he has only had more time because he has been wound up to the point of being a danger to himself and the others, and one of us has to help him calm down (he usually ends up sobbing that we should just kill him) and basically supervise him.
Ds1 cannot resist winding him up, he doesn't seem able to back off, so we have more outbursts than we should probably have.
I don't want ds1 and dd to feel responsible, but I want them to understand that how they react to him makes a huge difference to the severity of ds2's behaviour - is this unreasonable of me to expect this? (Really, I genuinely want to know!)

Dh and I are relatively new to this, it's only been a few months that we have allowed ourselves to see that there is a problem, and not a naughty child/crap parent situation.
There isn't really anyone in RL who gets what's going on, mostly they think we're soft on him(we're not), or suggest that we get really cross with him (like we don't do that already, but it doesn't work and makes the situation worse)
He has been referred to CAMHS, but that could take months.

We have noticed that we can do practical things that have helped - putting a tent over his bed, giving him opportunities to tell us how he's feeling, and do something calm with him if he's feeling angry, not taking him to the supermarket etc.

This week is off the wall though. Please, please tell me what else I can do to help him. He's such a lovely little boy when he's not angry.


^ I posted the above in chat, I had a thread in here a while ago, but I've lost it.
I really need practical advice. I feel like our family could break up over this, and I don't want that to happen.

[Fav]

Thank you

Got to pull myself together now, pick up ds3 and face Lidl. At least they sell cheap wine!

[Fav]

Haven't posted here for a bit, thought I'd update.
Had the second Cygnet session today - it's fantastic! Such a relief to be able to talk to people who understand, it makes such a difference.

Ds has seen the autism outreach lady, who has got together some stuff to do. Today, the whole class did a 5 point scale chart, ds has made a keyring with numbers one to five with happy and angry faces on so he can show a teacher if he needs to leave the room (I don't think he will, but knowing he can will probably help him feel less stressed)
He had some time with the TA as well, chatting about his chart, and he came out of school happy (yes, actually happy!) and feeling relieved that someone understands.
Tonight we've had a look through his Asperger's toolkit book, he wants me to show it to the TA and ask if she'll occasionally look at it with him.

We are coming more and more to realise that ds's big thing is animals, particularly insects, reptiles and birds of prey. He wants to try riding, we're lucky as there is a lady fairly near who specialises in riding for dc with SN, so we can hopefully sort something out there. There is a falconry nearby too, so I'll try to arranged some sessions with the lady who runs that.

Our garden is disgusting at the moment, it has ended up so far down our list of priorities that it is a weed jungle with scrap metal and rubbish chucked in for good measure. I'm going to try to sort it out and make it an insect and wildlife haven so ds can disappear looking for creepy crawlies. My "thing" is also animals, so I feel quite privileged to have someone to share it with, and very grateful that there is something we have in common.

Today everything feels fantastic, really positive. Just wanted this on this thread, because most of the posts I've written here are when I'm feeling at my worst about things. Today things are good and I want to remember :)