Ok, I'm flapping a bit...talk some sense into me.

[lougle]

Lots has happened this week.

DD2 has been signed up for Dragonflies - twice per week out of class in the afternoon for a social skills group with 4 other children and two ELSAs.

DD2 is switching from weekly ELSA to fortnightly ELSA, so she'll be out of class 3 times one week, then twice the next.

The Ed Psych department have contacted school to offer a consultation with the SENCO and DH/myself in March.

The OT will be going in at some point soon.

The SALT service have phoned to say they'll be going in soon, and it happens to be DD1's SALT, based at DD1's school who deals with Social Communication Difficulties, who will be going in.

So that's good. Isn't it?

SO why am I flapping? I guess I'm thinking 'what if they all go in, DD2 masks with her smiling and nodding, then they all decide I'm talking rubbish, and DD2 is left as she is?'

What on earth would I do then??

Is it a normal feeling then, Polter??

See, with DD1, by the time she caused concern, it was them running to me, because they had a problem (the darling DD1 herself!) and they needed help to cope with it.

I haven't been on this side of the fence before (other than when I thought I was being neurotic with DD1, but she was such a baby then, that it didn't matter).

It started raining today, as DD2 left the school building. She walked the whole way from her classroom, down the side of the school building, out the gate, past the church, along the road, into the car park and into the car, like this:

-squatting (think of a less exaggerated Miley Cirus twerk position)
-feet out to the side
-lips pursed
-arms by her side
-hands out at right angles.

When we were half-way to the car, I said 'DD2...what are you doing?'

DD2: 'Being a duck. It's raining.'

Then she wouldn't open the car door because ducks can't open doors

I know I wanted to see some pretend play, but the role play went a bit too far

Make sure you are keeping your diary as well lougle. Your evidence has to be taken in to account. Dont forget that you have the Teacher on your side too which is a massive bonus !!

We all say on here all the time that lots of Teachers lack knowledge and understanding but still the Proffs take their opnion very seriously, so you are lucky to have found a Teacher that not only has a good understanding of your Dd2's issues but also agrees with what you are saying!

It doesnt come much better, I am sure your Dd2's issues will be noticed by enough people to get her some support if not a dx but hopefully that as well if she needs one.

Good luck

Oh Lougle This is absolutely normal. I bet loads of us can recognise this, and you know what this bit, and probably a year or so afterwards is the WORST bit. After that things begin to piece together and you form a plan.

Whether that plan is supported or challenged as you go is anyone's guess but you'll become more confident in what you are dealing with and what needs to be done to help, even if it is all instigated by you.

I hope so. She really tries. I've not been well today and I said to my Mum 'I'm not a good Mum today' and DD2 said 'You're the best Mum that nobody could have'

She's becoming friendly with the 'naughty boy' (who I think is very sweet, but is always in trouble, mostly physical stuff) in the class and she said 'X is starting to learn to be good to me.' I think she meant that they were starting to know each other, rather than 'he isn't punching me'

As you said on my thread - it's ok to wobble.

hell, I even wobbled when in the system with dd1 - I'd been pushing and pushing for her to be assessed from the age of 10 months (that's how severe she was - it was blindingly obvious to a doting first time mum that she was miles behind developmentally, by the age of 10 months!). And yet, even so, all the way through the 2 years before dx, I wobbled each and every time she was seen by a professional.

I knew there was something going very awry with her development, yet I still worried that others wouldn't see it, or that they would dismiss it, or that I was just a crap mum.

wobbling is what happens. it's the whole conflict of wanting so very much to be right (and so therefore your child will get help) and wanting so very much to be wrong (because who actually 'wants' there to be something wrong?). the two situations are so much of a conflict, that the only possible thing to do is doubt - doubt yourself, doubt the system, doubt everythign because you have been told so many different things already, and you have people who you shoudl trust who have seen nothing wrong, and people who you do trust who have seen difficulties, and it's all a complete muddle.

BUT. it will be ok. whatever happens, and whatever the outcome. because this is the next step that needs to eb taken, right now. and once your dd has been seen by everyone, there will be a next step. but that next step can only become clear once this step has been taken. and so it is a leap of faith, a leap into the unknown. because the path cannot eb there until the first step is taken.

Wise words new blue

If you think about the whole picture you will suffocate in it some days. I have been in a dream over the Christmas holidays. Then the looming tribunal slaps me back to reality. 'If he looses what will I do? If we win will he get the statement? Will the statement be crap and lead to tribunal....'

Tomorrow is all that matters. Today matters. It's a ladder, one rung at a time. I try not to over think it when I feel like this.

People have to come in and assess. What they say and find - that's for after the assessment. Just get through this bit. Just ask - do you know your kids? Yes. Don't doubt yourself. Ever. Who knows those kids better than you?

I have a friend who is a bit of a hippy , who repeatedly says the same thing to me, which sounds annoying but it is helpful when you are in the 'but what if' worry cycle.....

worry never changed the outcome;
If it can be fixed, then worry is a waste of energy, do something, make a decision and take action
if it cant be fixed, worrying is a waste of energy and wont change anything, accept and move on.

in words to that effect anyway.......happy clappy smiley faced tamborine tapping orange sheet wearing stuff most definately, but quite helpful to stop the circular worry cycle.......

I worried that we would be seen as bad parents and ds was just naughty, and so many people insisted that no one would ever think that....then I worried we were bad parents because everyone else could see ds had issues and we were in denial about how bad it was......it must be human nature.

Oh for a simple life...

Lougle, I've just been thinking about this and think, hope, that this will be a bit easier on you than it otherwise might be simply because you are already here and because you don't have to stress about the process quite as much.

The feelings about your child etc. and the worry for her can't be softened, but hopefully we'll be able to help with any of the fear of isolation, confusion and helplessness that can accompany this.

Oh, and all these people that are coming in. They are busy and expensive. They don't just come in on the 'off chance'.

This school sound very good.

Lougle I was plagued with these feelings all the way along. Four years of it, feeling I was either making it up or that it was my fault for not stimulating dd enough, or that there was no way the profs would see it in a 30min window.

I think the fact that OT and SALT and EP are coming in close succession really goes in dd2's favour. Because these profs are aware of each other. It will cause a positive feedback loop. If there are any gaps in understanding they can be filled with your very comprehensive written/video account of her difficulties because you understand them so well.

hang on in there

Lougle , you dont need to flap because we are all flapping for you

You are doing a great job, your Dd is being picked up really early (for a girl) and that is because you know what you are doing.

You know the struggles I am having and you might have them to at some point but you already know what to do to get through it.

And anything you dont know.. you come on here and ask because there are amazing people on here who will help.

Be kind to yourself

And good luck

Thank you all. DD2 was at my SIL's house today and her wobbly tooth got knocked and was bleeding, etc. They saw her panicking and melting down (it lasted quite a while) and I think that was an eye opener for them, because they never see that 'side' of her because she's comfortable with them.

Poor Dd2 hope she is ok now.

It is a good feeling when family start to understand but its a shame that they cant just understand from what we tell them.

Ah I hope she's ok now Lougle

My brother saw dd2 having a meltdown at Christmas for the first time. He has been nothing but supportive and she now has a diagnosis but he was still really shocked by it.

You know that phrase "if it looks like a duck".... :o That's priceless.

By the time of diagnosis, I was convinced that the whole process we'd gone through of having DS1 assessed would put our minds to rest. I'd be offered advice how to parent a "spirited" child with a few sensory issues and that would be that. How wrong could I be?

I think it was surprising for them, because DD2 would normally hold it together when out, and she really couldn't hold it together. She was breathing really fast, crying, making repetitive noises, air writing, the lot. And she clutched the sodden kitchen towel to her mouth for at least half an hour after the bleeding stopped, with no amount of persuasion to give it up working.

When we got home, we had a right old time with dinner. She was hungry but couldn't cope with the thought of eating. Eventually, 2 hours later, I was able to give it a couple of twists and it came out, but I had to trick her to do it.

She's in bed now .

It's up and down, PolterGoose. Thank you for asking. She's gone to bed quite well lately, since she's been voicing more concrete concerns about school (ie. I really don't think I can go to school on Monday). We can say 'well let's talk about that and decide on Sunday', so she'll go to sleep on that basis, etc.

Also, the news that she'll be out of class at least twice or three times per week has brightened her somewhat.

I worry a little that she is gravitating towards friendships with boys who have difficulties with social skills, not because they are boys, or that they have SN/difficulties, but because they are likely to reinforce her more eccentric behaviour and she is less likely to learn the behaviours she needs to learn to 'fit in' with her other peers. On the other hand, I'm grateful that she is finding people she has things in common with. Boys are easier for her, I guess, because she likes dinosaurs, yo-yos and space, and they tend to be more straightforward in play than girls.

DS gravitated towards children with ESL. This is because their communication demands were not verbal or language based. They were expressed through overt behaviour which was easier for him to cope with.

Lougle It's such a scary time for you. But your dd is quite something. You're gonna have to be on the ball of course and she'll probably give you grey hairs way before you are supposed to get them but I imagine with a bit of steering from the vigilant, on-the-ball mother that you are she'll shine - eventually

PLEASE have confidence in yourself. You're doing all of the right things. You understand the system and it's imperfections. You are a veteran of the various models of education and how to parent children outside of typical. You're astute, organised and loving. Your DD will THRIVE.

Thank you. You're all wonderful, you know that, don't you?

We'll get there. I was talking to SIL earlier and she mentioned the secondary school locally. I can't even bear to think that far ahead!

Good point, Polter. Why is it I can see clearly for other people but am crap when it comes to my own DD?