Ok, I'm flapping a bit...talk some sense into me.

[lougle]

Lots has happened this week.

DD2 has been signed up for Dragonflies - twice per week out of class in the afternoon for a social skills group with 4 other children and two ELSAs.

DD2 is switching from weekly ELSA to fortnightly ELSA, so she'll be out of class 3 times one week, then twice the next.

The Ed Psych department have contacted school to offer a consultation with the SENCO and DH/myself in March.

The OT will be going in at some point soon.

The SALT service have phoned to say they'll be going in soon, and it happens to be DD1's SALT, based at DD1's school who deals with Social Communication Difficulties, who will be going in.

So that's good. Isn't it?

SO why am I flapping? I guess I'm thinking 'what if they all go in, DD2 masks with her smiling and nodding, then they all decide I'm talking rubbish, and DD2 is left as she is?'

What on earth would I do then??

Flapping is ok :) flapping here is much better than trying to hide it in RL and those at home wonder why one is so agitated

DS is like a magnet to children with sn and he has started a new social skills club for a year whom all have autism and social/behaviour difficulties because if it. He loves it and I think the reason is that the pressure is off for a while with these friends. These children are more tolerant of each other so whilst yes other habits could be forthcoming at the same time if DS is desperately practicing his host skills at home and he makes an ill judgement the others accept it more instead of teasing or ridicule, which in turn seems to boost DS confidence in giving it another go instead of storming off feeling silly or losing it :)

not sure I have explained it well as on phone but sometimes this mix can be beneficial x

Yes, I do see it...and that's exactly what I would say about DD1 - being with children like her is the most wonderful thing for her.

I think my issue is that I'm in a half-way house between firmly believing that DD2 has SN (and having the SENCO nod when I say it) but also thinking that I'm exaggerating, neurotic and fabricating, so it's ridiculous that DD2 is more comfortable with children who have social difficulties. It's like I can't quite marry up what I believe to be true with what I believe should be true.

And it would somehow be easier if it was me that was wrong, not everyone else.

Of course.

It IS worth telling you that my dd is also comfortable with many children with special needs because her big brother whom she adores is like them a bit.

So there could be a little bit of that, regardless of need or otherwise.

I understand what you are saying Lougle. It's a yo yo of emotions and hopes. The emotional battle of making sure dc have support for any needs but the hope that it's a simple fix if there should be an issue or it is entirely your own imagination :) think I felt like that right up to dx and still it had to sink in even though I knew the profs were correct.

So for now I shall join the supportive flapping!

It's amazing how much you don't know in Mainstream. In special school, I know DD1's P levels each year, her targets, etc.

DD2 said to me, as we were walking home from my Mum and Dad's today, 'When we do my homework, I don't need to do the difference, because it will be tricky for me.'

I said 'Your homework is on estimating, isn't it?'

She said 'Yes, but I don't have to work out what the difference between my estimate and the actual amount is, because Mrs X said that I'll find that too tricky, because I'm in circles group, which is the lowest.'

I said 'Oh right, you're in circles group are you?'

DD2: 'Yes, I'm in circles group, which is the lowest group. We have Mrs TA all the time to help us because maths is the trickiest for us. I think only the triangles, squares, pentagons and hexagons have to work out the difference...'

Well I was never told she was in the lowest group for mathematics. Last year, she ended the year on a 1b, which is firmly average/expected for the end of year 1.

She's a 'train' for literacy, apparently. She doesn't like being a 'train' because she gets no help at all. She thinks 'trains' is a middle group.

She's 'red' for reading. She says that's a middle group because her books don't have Biff and Chip and Kipper right now, but they're not as long as some chidlren's.

Lougle It might be a resources thing.

She's in the group with the TA. That may or may not have anything to do with her ability.

TBH She sounds pretty switched on to me. Not that it is even vaguely possible to suggest she shouldn't be in the bottom set. But she seems quite on the ball about what she is doing, what the next steps should be and why she is not to do them.

She's quite a smart cookie, I think, Star, but I think it's her processing that is hindering her. I think she's aware that she processes slowly, so instead of taking her time to work out what she thinks an answer is, she plucks a number out of the air, so that she's answered quickly.

Example:

She estimated that there were 28 pencils in our stack. I said 'Mmm...DD2, have a think. Pencils are quite large, do you really think there would be that many there?'

DD2: Mmm..no, then.

Me: 'Ok, so have another think. Remember, estimating is a 'sensible guess'. How many do you think there may be?'

DD2: '29?'

Me: 'Good try, DD2, but that's more than your last estimate, and I told you I thought you had estimated too many....so you need to estimate lower.'

It was quite painful.

However, she was counting in twos in her head to make 10 bits of pasta, etc., so she does have the skills there, I think.

It's so complicated, isn't it?

DS does that a lot.

He's trying to be efficient. In his mind he is thinking 'what's the easiest way to get this person to leave me alone and stop bugging me with questions when I'd rather be thinking about minecraft?'

And his conclusion is 'Give an answer, any answer, then the person will either leave me in peace or whittle on for 10 minutes explaining how to do something and I can focus my eyes on the page but get back to minecraft thinking and when I am pressed for an answer, give a random one again. - repeat!

But when the answer is important to him, he'll absolutely stun you with his mathematical abilities.

But he couldn't give a flying fig about how many pencils there are or aren't in a pencil case.

The school have not been able to teach ds 'partitioning' because he can do all the sums in his head. He thinks moving numbers around and adding them up in an illogical (to him) order is just silly and a complete waste of time.

DS1 used to hate estimating. "I can't estimate - it'll be wrong!" Even now, he expects the precise time and won't merely accept "5 o'clock-ish"

I must confess, I really struggle with the concept of estimating a lowish number.

Estimating only has its uses when the number:

a) doesn't matter anyway
b) is so large that you can't reasonably count it from sight.