At which point do you stop micromanaging your childs needs?

[claw2]

I have rewritten ds's statement as it is not quantified, specified and doesn't identify needs or provision to meet them.

I have rewritten ds's IEP as it is not SMART.

Although ds's CT was full of praise for my IEP rewrite ('its brilliant, im rubbish at writing them, can you come and write all my IEP's for me etc, etc) and said school would use it, it appears they are not, so I have to chase this up.

They have also told me that ds needs more external support and that it cannot wait, then gone quiet and I need to chase this up.

I have now received ds's SALT targets (written by SALT) again not SMART and they do not address ds's difficulties. (I have left this, as I feel like I am constantly offering suggestions)

So do you micromanage your child's need?

At which point does it become unbearable for all concerned?

At which point do you start to become a PITA, instead of helpful?

Do you just continue and disregard what school and other professionals might think to ensure your childs needs are met?

In short, I would say...its not going to end and yes you continue to 'help' them get it right for your child.

I am a PITA for school, and that's just life.

I guess that if your child is doing ok and the intervention is working, despite the documenting of it in terms of the IEP being inadequate, then you can relax a bit. If your child is struggling because of it, then pursue it.

DD1's statement would be laughed at by some of MNSN. It's vague and wooly where SALT is concerned. OT is loosely worded also. As is the need for a 'mentor she can talk to'.

But the practice of the school is exactly what she needs and I know that the statement was written with this school in mind. It's loose enough that they can do whatever DD1 needs without tripping over the requirements of the statement, and I've seen that when she would benefit from something not in the statement (such as cued articulation sessions) they get on with it and it's done.

In terms of DD2, it's early days. Everything so far has been pretty much verbal, which is a risk I've chosen to take. I've sent a 'confirming our discussion email' once, and I've sent an email to a SALT complaining, but copying in the SENCO and the Paed (that's quite a good, sneaky way of telling the school what they need to know without seeming like you're bugging them).

I'm going with the view that they are starting to put support in place and I need to give them the space to try these things, because we don't have any sort of dx for DD2, and they are going to be helpful with that, so I need to build the relationship with them that will help them to support me when the time comes for their views to be sought by the paed.

So, I'm going for the 'raising concerns when DD's struggling' and 'backing off when they're clearly trying', even if it's not perfect. It seems to be working, because they referred to CAMHS before Christmas, and put ELSA in place straight away when CAMHS requested that they try that first. They're now putting her into their 'Dragonflies' group, which is a group of 5 children, who spend 2 afternoons per week in 'The Base' instead of their classroom.

Her provision isn't broken so there isn't a need to fix it.

"Her provision isn't broken so there isn't a need to fix it."

Sorry, that sentence was in relation to DD1.

DD2 is most definitely 'broken' at the moment!

I was a PITA parent for ds1 when he was in mainstream but have minimal contact now his needs are being met in special school!

I'm the same as OneInEight. When DS was in mainstream, I was there at least once/twice a week micromanaging CT, LSA and all the numerous support he received as we lurched from one crisis to the next. At one point, I was emailing almost daily as things were so bad.

Now he's in indie ss, they are totally meeting his needs and totally "get him". I haven't needed to go in at all apart from the scheduled parents morning.

He's 25 and I'm still doing it!

I didn't - he's home schooled now lol!

On a more serious note, in mainstream I wasn't trying to micromanage, more fire fight the constant cock ups. At nursery I dropped him off and forgot about him quite happily till pick up time, in those days his needs were met.

I dream of dropping Ds off at 9 am & picking up at 3.30, never having to fret until the twice yearly parents evening and simply having to supervise appropriately differentiated homework for 30 mins a night.

What I did hit, was utter exhaustion. Last term I refused to step foot on school grounds at all apart from one meeting as I couldn't see the point in bashing my head against a brick wall, and frankly I was just too angry. I knew he wouldn't be there this year so focussed my energy on other things. I've always been too lazy to fight unwinnable battles by nature and don't have the emotional make up to be in constant conflict all the time with people.

I've always been very careful as a result to select my battles carefully based on optimum outcome for my child. It means my ego has taken a right old walloping at times, and I've walked away fuming from some issues that perhaps I should have gone to war over, BUT my MH has retained intact despite all the trials and tribulations iywkim. As a single parent I am all too aware that if I go under, DS is lost for good.

I think I could probably be on the phone/emailing/popping in about something or other virtually everyday, especially this yr.

I try to choose my battles though otherwise I know I would drive them bonkers.

What really annoys me is when they tell you what they are providing, you agree to it and you know it will work for your child and then they dont actually bother to do it!!

Drives me bonkers!!

And to see an IEP, badly written or not would be a joy to behold

I'm in the same boat as OneInEight and TOWIE - DS1 with needs being fully met in special school.

I haven't quite got used to it though - I'm finding it really weird being in a situation where professionals are so switched on, so capable of reading my kid and doing what's needed to help him, that I feel like a total spare part. He's a teenager, so it's a good time in a way to be able to bow out of the micromanagement.

He's completely happy where he is and how he is learning, for the first time in his life. But I've still got a massive amount of unspecific anxiety - I think I've just felt this way for so long that I don't know how to do anything else, iyswim...

Oh well I emailed ds's TA yesterday, as ds is getting distressed at home about school, asking 'is ds using his 5 point anxiety scale'? CT agreed to use this as an IEP target in November. He has replied and totally avoided answering the question. So I have emailed again stating 'In November I made a suggestion of 5 point anxiety scale target for IEP and strategies to help ds self regulate. Can you let me know the progress of this idea?'

I have also asked them about CAMHS/CT suggestion of counselling and OT input, which according to class teacher 'just couldn't wait for AR'

I am trying desperately hard not to back them into a corner.

uggerbugger I'm the same - I haven't got used to it and also appear to have unspecific anxiety. I used to have loads of get-up-and-go - but it now all appears to have got up and gone!

After 5 years of micro-managing every part of DS life, I really don't know what to do with myself. Doesn't help that DD1 has flown the nest (she gets married in 2 weeks time) and DD2 only has one foot left in the nest! My role as a helicopter mum appears to be over.

I have loads of things to do but don't appear to have the energy to do any of it.

Mine is 4, in the day care and I would love to not to have to micro manage.. Not only do I have to micro manage them, I also have to bear their dislike for the micromanagement..

Woo hoo, my micromanagement (or being a PITA) has paid of. CT has just emailed to say that he has 'added ds to the counselling and OT list and will keep me informed', He avoided again replying to my question of IEP target that we agreed!

I know 'be added to a list' in itself, doesn't actually amount to much. But a step forward.

How did you ladies get to the 1-1 email level relationship with these professionals and teachers? So far all I have managed to do is get the mobile number of her OT (and that too only because she has some interest in ABA)

1st and 2nd MS schools I wasn't 'allowed' SENCO's email address. In 1st school, I saw SENCO's email address on correspondence with OT, so I emailed her as ds had just been released from hospital due to his self harm and was refusing to go to school and she refused to speak to me on the phone or answer my letters requesting a meeting. She went mad! phoned me up screaming and shouting and told me how dare I email her, when I said I had emailed her as she had refused to take my phone calls or answer my letters or agree to a meeting, she told me to 'never contact her again' and put the phone down! I removed ds from this school following that!

Other professionals such as SALT, OT etc provide their email address on reports.

The school that ds is at now at, provided me with email addresses of HT, CT and TA as soon as he started, without me even asking and encouraged me to email if I have concerns.

Professionals such as SALT etc at this school, have contacted me prior to meeting ds and given me their details and encouraged me to email too.

ta!

My second woo hoo of the day, Counsellor has just contacted me to get background info and arranged for me to meet her face to face next week and for ds to start counselling!

I have asked her for her credentials and im just about google her!

polter and Wet I wouldn't mind your input on this. I have just googled her.

Can I pm you a link and ask for your comments, as whether you think she will be qualified please?

Thank you very much Polter

Woo hoo - you're on a roll Claw. I'd go back to bed before it goes downhill

Happy to look at your counsellor - PM me.

School have been true to their word, I think that is the most exciting thing, not perfect, but honest and willing. What more could I ask for.

I am a little confused as to how they are funding this or who is funding, but still the least of my worries, I have my feet well and truly under the table and it will be hard for LA to remove once started!