AIBU to want to run and hide with DD2?

[lougle]

She's stressed again, because she had to do her reading challenge for school. Her book contained the word 'Czechoslovakia'. She was screaming and yelling at DH that she'd never be able to read that word.

I calmed her a little, helped her to break it down phonically, told her that the z is like an h in our language, then wrote the word down with the sounds underneath. She could read each sound easily. She could blend the sounds with the one next to it, but she just couldn't get past the fact that it was a 'long word' and wouldn't attempt it, but equally didn't want DH to read the word because then she'd never learn it and remember it.

She was so stressed. Already. School doesn't even start until Monday.

Well what about 'bum bum bum bum kia'?

Hmm...she does like bottom talk at the moment I'll give it a go tomorrow.

oh yes I fully sympathise with the 'something happens at 9am but by home time it is the end of the world because they have sat and worried about it all day'. Our current one is that the teacher might tell her off for using her moisturiser on her eczema. why would the teacher do that. she was allowed to use it all last year with no problems and it has just sat in her bag for the last term and her hands are now REALLY sore but she is too scared to use it. Her teacher is one of the loveliest people you could ever meet.

Yep, Dd3 is terrified of her Literacy teacher, she was her class teacher but ee had to battle to get her moved. The teacher isnt nice though and really doesnt get Dd3

Polter Dd3's school have ended up putting her on a completely individual timetable because they couldnt find a simpler way to de stress her at school. It has worked to a degree but its not teaching her to communicate her difficulties. I think they would have been better putting a decent one to one in with her to actually get to grips with what causes her so much anxiety.

Mind you hopefully her being on an individual timetable might help with my SA battle. The LA cannot say that that is not over and above what her peers need, can they ?

Sorry for the hi jack lougle

No hijack at all, Ineed.

Bear in mind re this:

"The LA cannot say that that is not over and above what her peers need, can they?"

That isn't the criteria for SA/Statementing.

Where the balance of evidence presented to, and assessed by, the LEA suggests that the child’s learning difficulties:
have not responded to relevant and purposeful measures taken by the school or setting and external specialists
and
may call for special educational provision which cannot reasonably be provided within the resources normally available to mainstream maintained schools and settingsin the area, the LEA should consider very carefully the case for a statutory assessment of the child’s special educational needs

However, what will help you is this:

'7:59 If solutions for a child have moved beyond ordinary differentiation to a solution where specific input is necessary not just to provide access to
learning but more importantly to secure learning or to develop strategies to overcome particular areas of weakness, then an assessment may be necessary."

Thanks lougle.

What I was thinking was that the measures were put into place due to Dd3 going into complete school refusal. I want to somehow try to get them to understand that she cannot make any progress if she is refusing to go to school !!

The EP found her to be working well below average in 3 areas, her writing was on the 3rd centile, which came as a bit of a shock so fingers crossed we can get a formal assessment.

The new SALT report will be helpful I think, there is some interesting stuff in there.

I was browsing the SENCOP last night and found a few interesting bits but I will add that bit you quoted to my notes

Sorry pressed post too soon.

I wonder if that bit you have just quoted may be the key !!

Would that along with the very low writing levels an communication difficulties be enough?

Dont expect you to answer that BTW

To be honest...it's the whole picture.

DD1 was said, by the ed psych, to have 'at least age appropriate understanding of colours, numbers, letters,' etc. when she was 4. Well, yes, that's because at 4 it's appropriate to know some or none

But the report went on to say (I love this quote and use it at every opportunity, because it sums her up completely):

'I attempted to observe DD1 from a distance. This proved impossible.'

Priceless

That is just brilliant Lougle

Lol, thats funny

I totally agree about the whole picture !! Its the whole of Dd3( not just the bit that is able to complete her work to a reasonable standard) that needs support.

I have met the person who we have the meeting with and I know it is going to be hard to get my point across to her. I do have someone with a great deal of knowledge about SEN matters coming with me so all I can do is my best

Thanks for your support as usual and hope the bum bum kia strategy works tomorrow

Oh, my point was that she flew through the process and was offered special school despite every professional recommending 'MS with support' in their reports.

LAs are funny...I know I'm more positive about them than some on here, but I figured that my SEN Case Officer has seen so many young children go through SA that she must have had a feel for what the real issues were.

I think your DD needs SA. I know you'll fight for it.

I don't know what the future holds for DD2, though. 7 months ago, I was sitting in the SENCO's office, saying 'I don't really know what you can do, or what she needs...I'm not asking you to get her statemented or anything..' and the SENCO replied 'ha, she wouldn't get one.'

Now, 7 months later, OT are assessing, SALT are coming back with 2 SALTs after Christmas, she's having ELSA, CAMHS have said likely to see her, Ed Psych have said they should be involved in some way.... who knows?

She's definitely getting worse, not better. She noticed some water leakage from the washing machine yesterday. I thanked her, sorted it. But she insisted on watching the rest of the wash cycle. 30 minutes, just watching the washing machine, coming to give updates 'it's 11 now.' 'It's 9'....

I took her to soft play with her sisters to meet one of DD3's old preschool friends there. DD2 just kept coming to sit with me and saying 'I don't find many friends to play with.' and then, when she did go back in, she just walked around the soft play, spinning the blocks on poles. She didn't want to go down the dark slide (scared) but DD1, DD3 and DD3's friend did. We came up with different solutions (wait at the bottom; tell them to wait while you catch up in a different route..) but she was miserable.

She's genuinely finding things very difficult. Everywhere.

The bit that didn't make it into her report (the Ed Psych) was that she took a chair and discreetly sat in the corner of the preschool, when the session had just begun. When the children were released to play, DD1 immediately noticed her and came to speak to her, commenting on her hair, her earrings, etc. She couldn't get rid of her!

DD1 does that, you see. The dietician prescribed some milkshakes for her. I was doubtful that she'd drink them. The dietician asked DD1 if she would drink them. 'Oh Yes, Lizzie! I drink them, course I will. I promise. Oh Lizzie, your shoe falling off. I'll help you.' Did she drink them? Not a one. How many were we given to try? 72

Bless her, I think Preschool can be much easier [its the age I work with] In a good setting all kinds of quirks and funny little ways can be accomodated.

Dd3 has struggled ever since starting school and it has gradually got worse again recently.

School is exhausting for her everyday, she said tonight that she doesnt want to go anymore

Anyway I really must go to bed I am pooped

Lougle, do you think you might be more positive about the system because it tends to work better for children like your dd1 (which is what you have experienced so far), rather than your dd2 (which you are beginning to?)

Not making any assumptions but I think the clearer the disability (regardless of complexity which I know dd1 has) coupled with the rarity (I.e low incidence) enables the system to justify expenditure.

Oh Goodness, Lougle. I hope I don't come across the wrong way with that post. I'm not wishing to sound so 'I told you so' or whatever. I really don't mean that at all.

That's a tricky question for me to answer, Star, because by the time DD1 had been 'flagged' I had come to accept the 'neurotic mother, she's fine' accusations from previous concerns.

Then, even after the Area Inco came to observe, she said 'just immature, will grow out of it, have 1:1 for now. Only referring to Paeds because I insisted it wasn't normal to hug and kiss bins on the way home.'

We wouldn't have seen a Paed for ever ages while we waited for consideration, except that naughty DD1 dared to fall over for no reason, then got diagnosed with epilepsy.

We wouldn't have had an MRI scan if it hadn't been for the epilepsy, because it was the EEG that showed uneven conduction, so the report said 'recommend MRI to establish cause.'

So....we were kind of rocketed into the system.

Then we ticked along for 9 months, until I applied for SA. Everyone saying 'MS' 'MS' 'MS' except the Head of a local school who whispered 'if you get offered X special school, grab it with both hands, it's like gold dust.'

I was looking back at old threads and came across one where I describe the Portage worker's reaction to DD1 being offered SS as 'being in shock'. That's actually what she said to me.

So...yes, I think for DD1 the system very clearly worked. There is no way on this earth she could MS. Genuinely. She's far too vulnerable. Far to emotionally sensitive. Far to physically fragile, yet fiercely independent in nature.

DD2...the system isn't working fast enough. I'm confident that at some point she'll get a diagnosis of something. No matter what the Paed is currently saying. She's getting worse by the week. Whether it will work at all...we'll see.

If the SALTs (there are 2 coming to see her, one specialising in pragmatics) come and see 'nothing' again, I don't know what I'll do.

The friend who hadn't met DD2 said that you only have to open your eyes to see that DD2 isn't normal. She wasn't being mean, she was just saying that it was that obvious to her.

Yeah, yeah, Star...I know what you mean I've never doubted that we were a clear cut case of 'this kid is going to cause havoc in MS'. I'm not sure her actual diagnosis does anything other than make people go

How's the sleeping going?

Last night she went to bed at 11.30pm - worried about school. Before that, apart from when she had a 40c temperature (gastroenteritis - think we'll forgive her that), she was sleeping fine once it was the holidays.

Tonight, she went to bed with a bit of fuss, but then woke at 9.30pm, but was settled again.

She's waking because of school

Oh poor mite!

Would she benefit from being taught anxiety management techniques/relaxation techniques to practice with you at bedtimes but that can be used throughout the day at school too?

Yes, quite possibly. She needs something!

There has been a lot of recent research about mindfulness helping children with ASD (and their carers). It's about controlling your thoughts and being in charge of what you focus on iyswim.

I'm afraid I don't have any links as it is a new topic for me but I know Richard Hastings has written about it a bit.

www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2012-4-9-power-of-mindfulness

You could perhaps start here?