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SN children

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Original poster

Feeling down how many of your children were in nappies at four?

39 replies

autumnsmum · 03/01/2014 13:26

Happy new year ! As some of you may know I have a dd who is 4.3 and has autism and hyper mobility .although she is verbal she attends a sp sch nursery.she will sit on the toilet at sch but not wee .she now refuses to sit on the toilet at home.cutting a long story short we had a delivery of nhs nappies yesterday and dp was really upset and said its wrong she is still in nappies.can I please ask for my own peace of mind who has or had a child of this age in nappies.thanks in advance

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theDudesmummy · 03/01/2014 13:42

Four and a half, and still in pull-ups for school and when out and about for longer than a short period, as still having accidents. Will wee on toilet but sometimes forgets to go in time, and poos often get away ....but we are making (slow) progress

ouryve · 03/01/2014 13:44

Both of mine. DS1 finally clean and dry during the day at 7y8m and DS2 currently showing no sign of moving on at that exact age, though he's decided he prefers pull ups and will now help to change himself if he's wet.

theDudesmummy · 03/01/2014 13:48

I try not to stress too much about it (use a lot of laundry cleanser in the washing machine and just keep trying). It is neither wrong or right, OP, it just is what it is.

Original poster

autumnsmum · 03/01/2014 13:55

Thanks everyone I think dp is feeling a bit sensitive because she's now in nappies supplied by the incontinence service

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TheLeastAccomplishedBennetGirl · 03/01/2014 13:59

DD is 6.5yrs and in MS school

she has pull ups at times of extreme stress and anxiety

i felt terribly guilty about pandering to her until i had a conversation with a member of staff at her school, who told me i was in danger of making her dependent and drawing attention to her needs.

i found the words 'i'm supporting her NOT to draw attention to herself by giving her the safety and security in knowing that if she does find herself incontinent, then her outside clothes won't be wet and stinky' coming out of my mouth, and the guilt and embarrassment melted away

i appreciate your DD isn't my DD, but i'm now accepting that sometimes we have to do things out of the 'norm' and fuck anyone who raises eyebrows.

we use things like nappies and pull ups to make our DCs lives more bearable, no other reason

and a wee hug for you autumn

coppertop · 03/01/2014 14:18

Both of mine with ASD were still in nappies at 4yrs.

Lesley25 · 03/01/2014 14:25

my dc was still in nappies at 4 but something seemed to click in the summer months before he turned 5 and we had to rip up the carpets many many accidents before he was dry during the day. He's still in pull ups at night and showing no sign of ever coming off these but all we can do is keep trying. However as he has reached this milestone, im not pushing the dry at night issue. One milestone at a time.

An old wives tale once told to me said something about the spring/summer months being the best time to try in a childs 4th/5th year so please don't give up hope- just keep doing what you're doing and don't be too hard on yourself.
It worked for us during those months and we used the big bubbly paddling pool as a motivator to wee in there and left him butt naked as much as possible

NewBlueCoat · 03/01/2014 14:31

Yes, dd1 was still in nappies at 4. She did train for wees that year, I think (maybe the follwing one? it's a blur now).

She still struggles to use the toilet appropriately at school (she is 9 now), although she is fully toilet trained.

She does still wear night time protection as an added security - she is a bit desperate come mornings!

Don't be too hard on yourself. I can remember feelign simialr, especially as I didn't know any other child still in nappies. But really, 4 isn't that late at all (easy for me to say now, 5 years on!)

Original poster

autumnsmum · 03/01/2014 14:33

Thank you so much everyone my son who has aspergers wasn't trained until 4.4 and then like some of you said it just clicked! In myself I'm not to down but dp and mil are stressing about it constantly

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Original poster

autumnsmum · 03/01/2014 14:35

Also most of her class at school still wear them

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starfishmummy · 03/01/2014 14:53

15.......and still counting

2old2beamum · 03/01/2014 15:53

Echo what starfishmummy has said but I don't worry about it!

FreshWest · 03/01/2014 18:24

My dd is 6 in February and still in nappies. ASD dx in the summer.
Just these last few weeks she has been taking her nappy off as if she doesn't like it any more.
Going to ask school for advice as she is still non-verbal so not sure how we will go about getting her to go to the toilet...... But anyways, short answer to your question - Yes, she was!

ouryve · 03/01/2014 19:58

BennetGirl - we had to say similar about DS1, on occasion. He could go for wees on the toilet, from about 2.5. He couldn't reliably judge when he needed to go, though and was terrified of pooing in the toilet. The few times he did, he was so traumatised that he wouldn't sit on it again for weeks. After a failed experiment with reusable training pants and an awful lot of humiliating accidents, I had the confidence to say "no more". We simply encouraged him to go for wees at certain times of the day, but refused to get into a battle about it and we carried on with the nappies and pull ups. When he was 7.5, we noticed he was waking up, some days, with a dry nappy and doing a huge wee, so took that as a sign that he was physiologically ready and able to tackle the psychological barriers that he had in itty bitty steps with a hell of a lot of motivators.

ouryve · 03/01/2014 20:01

Let me know what your school say, Fresh. We're at a similar stage with DS2.

Funnily enough, just after i posted on this thread, this afternoon, DS2 came downstairs soaked. I changed him, then half an hour later, he did it again - pulled his willy out, fiddled a bit, as he is wont to do, then weed all over himself (and the sofa and his brand new shoes - I'm starting to think that waterproof startrite shoes are made to be weed on). Since then, every time he's pulled it out for a fiddle, I've sat him on the loo.

hazeyjane · 03/01/2014 20:04

Ds is a bit younger at 3.6, but will almost certainly be in nappies in 4, he understands where poo goes - he has a smurthwaite commode, and I have emptied nappies in there so he understands, but he has no idea when he is going, it seems to suddenly appear! Add in a complete lack of speech and a refusal to sit on anything except his special chair and it could be a long while!He also has low tone leading to leaking so he will need some sort of pad even if he potty trains.

I just wondered at what age people started getting nappies from continence services, ds is 16.5kg and in size 6, which seem ok for now, but is there an age or size when they are eligible?

(Sorry for hijack Autumn)

FreshWest · 03/01/2014 20:20

ouryve will do. She goes to a special ASD unit and am told by other parents that they have successfully done it with other children. By what means I'm not sure. I know she's been using pecs so it may be linked to that somehow.
hazey I think they have to be 4. Certainly in our area. We contacted hv after dds 4th birthday and she referred us to the continence team.

(sorry too autumn )

ouryve · 03/01/2014 20:22

Mine were both 4. I think it's 4.5 in some areas.

MooMummyMoo · 03/01/2014 20:30

Autumnsmum, just to say, we have also in the last week had our first delivery of nappies for my just turned 4 DD and also felt a bit....about it. I know 'normal' people will just think how lucky we are to get them free but I would pay the price of a pack of nappies everyday if it meant my DD had the ability/chance to toilet train. It is fairly depressing. But as with all these things I just try not to dwell too much (or it would send me insane!).

So just to say that you are not alone x

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/01/2014 20:32

Mine is 7 and in them. She seemed to be getting the idea in the summer then just totally lost interest.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/01/2014 20:34

She also changes herself. Or just drops poo on floor usually

Original poster

autumnsmum · 03/01/2014 20:40

Thanks everyone Hazey in our area you have to be four to get nappies from continence services .we were referred through dds school thanks again for the replies

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ConstantCraving · 03/01/2014 20:59

Hi, DD is 4 and is going through the assessment for ASD. She wees on the loo but still uses pull ups for poos.

Lookslikerain · 03/01/2014 21:10

DS is 4 in a week and still in nappies. I don't let it get me down anymore. In comparison to everything we've been through in the last 2 years, toileting/nappies and the blasted dummy he sleeps with is just not important right now. And I'm pretty sure it'll come soonish.

Hope you don't mind me hijacking... ouryve when you noticed your DS was still in a dry nappy in the morning, how did go about overcoming his psychological barriers. Looking for any tips as this is the stage we are at. Nappies dry first thing (unless he work early as he wouldn't shout for us), he'll do a huge wee in the toilet but no chance of getting anything else in there for the rest of the day.

Original poster

autumnsmum · 03/01/2014 21:13

Fanjo my dd showed some intrest and then stopped moo it's nice to hear about someone feeling the same I'm truly ,truly not ungrateful but it does feel like a milestone of sorts .on a lighter note they are mahoooosive not only did we get two huge boxes but I don't need to worry about dd out growing them.

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