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Original poster

School Christmas and ASD Grrrrrrrr.......................

33 replies

chuckeyegg · 13/12/2013 11:12

We are having a nightmare 2 weeks at the moment and it has demonstrated to me how the school just don't understand ASD at all. The school had Christmas lunch in a different room with decorations and no warning at all. We now got Christmas jumper day and all the children are going to a panto this afternoon so they are all hyped up. DS is coming home at lunchtime. We got plays parties..................the list goes on.

He behaved really badly in assembly today he was taken out and now I hear he has been taken out a lot this week from someone mother. They were singing a song that by the end they were shouting!! No wonder DS wanted to get out...so did I. I think they're are reinforcing the bad behaviour by taking him out. That's what he wants. The SENCO is not there today otherwise I would have seen her straight away. Now I'm dreading the school play in case the same thing happens.

I was going to suggest to them that maybe they could give DS computer time if he behaves in the play, rather than taking him away.

Sorry if this jumbled my brain is buzzing I had no idea things were so bad, there's nothing in the home to school book. :(

Any advise please

OP posts:

Sunnymeg · 13/12/2013 11:47

Sorry, I have no real advice, but I feel your pain. The last two years of primary I kept son off on Christmas party day. He hated it, detested it in fact. I went and helped one year at the school's suggestion and was so sad at how upset he was. It didn't get any better as he got older, he just dreaded it more each year.

mumof5plusazoo · 13/12/2013 12:51

Hi,
Sorry I have no advice but wanted to sympathise.
My ds has been very anxious and weve had lots of meltdowns and school refusals.
I am just trying to hang on in there tbh.
Good luck

tacal · 13/12/2013 13:12

Hi chuckeyegg , I have been really worried about my ds too. This is his first year at school and I am encountering similar problems to you. The school will not communicate any changes to routines to me. At the nativity I could see he was struggling, eventually ds went out to the toilet and didnt want to come back in. Today is the Christmas party so I am a bit worried how he will get on. I have an appointment with school next week to discuss all this because it could end up in him refusing to go to school.

I do not understand why our children have to go through this every year. It is making me sad.

I hope things get better for your ds soon x

LilTreacle · 13/12/2013 13:12

Same here.....I hate this time of the school term...DS loves it and wants to join in but just cannot cope with it at all.

Meltdown after meltdown to the point of dangerousness....poor soul doesn't know what way is up.

School are being as supportive as they can, are understanding and know its a difficult time, and have put strategies in place as much as is possible, but these two weeks are busy and bright and noisy and exciting things happening, that's just a recipe for a meltdown, and they know it.

Next week is the pantomime...we will be there to support and remove if needed, lunches are in classrooms for two days to accommodate Christmas dinner for other years. No lessons as such, movies and games and lots of 'fun'...but then he's not actually in class at all at the moment anyway so probably wont be doing those things

We may start Christmas holidays a week early for everyone's sake.

lets hope the new term brings new calm, and we can all relax a bit...

Original poster

chuckeyegg · 13/12/2013 18:36

Thanks for your replies. It's just so difficult, I can't wait until next Friday when we can go home for Christmas.

OP posts:

Lesley25 · 13/12/2013 20:45

In the past 3 weeks my ds hasn't coped at all..with the endless changes to routine, nativity rehersals (thankfully he's not doing any), but the constant re-using of HIS TA....
I was thinking it might be regression, but now i think it might just be this time of year in schools..
hate hate hate it.
taking ds out at 2:30 on thursday and not a minute later.

AgnesDiPesto · 13/12/2013 21:34

Yup same here.
First school play in three years he couldn't manage because teacher would not listen to 1:1 saying she needed to sit by him, so she sat him front row centre miles away from the nearest adult. As soon as I saw that I knew it was going to be a disaster.
He did brilliantly in rehearsal and doing play to school but of course when we watched he was so excited he couldn't pay attention at all (and it was third time in 3 days he had to do play so novelty worn off). 1:1 told them it would be different when parents were watching he'd be distracted / over excited, but teacher would not listen. There was not even any reason for him to sit there, the group he went on stage with didn't even sit together they were all spread out.
DS was wandering around everywhere, lifting up the back cloth, sliding on the floor etc etc all on video (which was why teacher had banned adults from being anywhere in sight). Well all they got was a video of ds fidgeting, wandering and mumbling 'mango' 'fruit ninja' all the way through. We had to remove him in the end ourselves (as 1:1 been banned from going near him unless he was in pain or danger!! FFS)
DH and I were mumbling about grrrr teacher and then I realised I was stood under the video guys microphone. So now everyone can buy a video and hear what I really think about the teacher
Then today xmas party. Making party hats this morning. All kids hyped up so DS didn't want to go back this afternoon, DH managed to get him there. Then Magician as a 'surprise' - all the other kids shrieking with excitement. Then party food etc, cue more shrieking. Horrible.
I forget how horribly loud NT children are. DS is so silent.
At least I didn't book him in for school xmas lunch.

MariaNoMoreLurking · 14/12/2013 03:36

Agnes, I want that video with the sound effects
Maybe I can show it to school as a 'training aid'

Original poster

chuckeyegg · 14/12/2013 06:12

I totally with you on how noisy NT children are. We go to a special needs session at a soft play place and it's the only time you'd get me there too.

DS has been turning around touching the girls behind him in the play and generally messing about. I only know this because DS got a social story home telling him how to behave. I'm sure they're using the social stories to tell me things.

Roll on the end of next week. Thanks for your replies. x

OP posts:

minionmadness · 14/12/2013 09:45

I know the feeling only too well. We had our own disaster play last year that I wrote about on here...

DS couldn't cope on the day that we were there (play had run for 3 days to accommodate all parents) cue ds getting very confused and started shouting out. His TA eventually had to take him out. It was very distressing to watch.

Unfortunately for us, this was the day that school decided to video the play for a DVD for parents to buy!

Thankfully they are not having one this year but we are still having the usual upset with all the changes in school routine.

Incidentally my ds get very loud and shouty the more confused and distressed he gets...

Roll on next Friday!

amistillsexy · 14/12/2013 10:04

I don't understand why schools insist on this hideous excitement-fest at the end of the longest, hardest term. It's bad enough for the mainstream children, but ours just get totally overwhelmed. It's often just as bad in January, where they are expected to sit and buckle down from Day One, to make up for all they've missed during these two weeks. That transition is just as hard, IMO.

The best decision my previous Head Teacher made was when we were in Special Measures and she made everyone carry on teaching until two days before we broke up, when we had a small party in our classrooms on the Thursday and invited the parents to a Carols round the tree event on the last day. The children (many of whom had huge difficulties regulating their emotional states for one reason or another) were happy, engaged and (generally!) well-behaved to the end, and lots of good learning took place that term, with no 'January dip' in assessments!

DS1 (who had ASD, and is in Mainstream with support) is managing to hold it together, but only because he had a hideous time in November, and I kicked up such a stink that they daren't mess up again. He's been spending lots of 1to1 time with his support worker, engaged on simple and quiet crafts while the rest of the class knock themselves out practicing a million songs and plays. Much better IMO.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 14/12/2013 15:13

We are hibernating this weekend in an attemp chill ds out and prepare for the final week of school (which has a beyond ridiculous amount of christmas activities going on) DS loves them all BUT it comes at a price.

Consequently we are all still in pj's, curtains shut, phone off the hook and we shall remain so until monday morning!

queryremelatonin · 14/12/2013 15:26

We are having extreme sleep problems the last 2 weeks and unfortunately being off school is going to bring DS more distress. The entire month of December is pretty much a write-off. And a chunk of January.

Lesley25 · 14/12/2013 15:35

our school has completly shut down doing the "xmas production nativity for the last 3 weeks, and so many NT children also suffer i feel.
I agree with the previous post- schools should just limit festivities to a couple of hours for one afternoon. The poor kids in reception don't know whether they are coming or going, getting redressed again and again for rehearsals and then more productions nativities in the evening.

Donki · 15/12/2013 23:18

I am seriously fed up of all the end of term disruption... the YD has HAD ENOUGH, and we are getting melt downs every night, and had two episodes of school refusal last week. The YD went to bed tonight saying that he wouldn't go to school tomorrow because he is so tired (we had a deliberately quiet weekend to try and let him recover a bit)

Aaaargh!

PolterGoose · 16/12/2013 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

chuckeyegg · 16/12/2013 09:27

I think that's a good idea I might do the same Thurs and Fri. Did your school happily agree? Next year shouldn't be so bad because they don't have a school production at Christmas in KS2.

OP posts:

Donki · 16/12/2013 09:41

It might get complicated - as the YD's birthday is at the weekend. If I keep him off on Thursday, parents might think he was ill, and the birthday party was off. Plus it means me taking a day off work, which is difficult as I teach.

But I may discuss it with school (and the YD's friends' parents)

Sometimes(often) I feel trapped - with no right answers.

PolterGoose · 16/12/2013 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

chuckeyegg · 16/12/2013 09:55

I work as well but I've taken this week off to try and get my house straight- yeah right.

Thanks PolterGoose. Our head teacher is obsessed by attendance at our school.

OP posts:

LilTreacle · 16/12/2013 13:51

Our HT was angling for us to just say we'd keep DS off this week after he disasters of last week ....we both work and had not planned on an additional weeks holiday prior to the two weeks holiday we need to cover.........but as it is, think there will be a happy ds at home with daddy as of tomorrow....its just not worth the stress on everybody to insist on DS going in when he clearly cannot cope with it.

Hello home-schooling webpages.....lets get to know eachother......

Donki · 17/12/2013 19:47

My school have offered (I didn't ask!) to let me have the last 2 days of term off if I need to keep the YD at home.

The YD's HT thinks that he should go to school whatever (because they don't see the meltdowns and distress)

Donki · 17/12/2013 19:49

I am getting very tempted to encourage the YD to "explode" at school - only he is desperate to avoid that. It is one of the things he is so anxious about in case his friends see him lose control.

Lesley25 · 17/12/2013 20:12

Im keeping ds off from 2pm thursday - just when the xmas party starts...
TBH im tempted to do it from tomorrow but i just cant manage getting the time off as well as coping with an extra week off in jan (moving ds to different school).
It really honestly drives me nuts. I've had report after report saying "DS cannot seem to concentrate and do any focused work" is it any wonder with all the teachers getting giddy and throwing out all learning for the last fucking 4 weeks.

Kirky12 · 17/12/2013 20:41

I logged on to post about this, and low and behold you're already there.....it's just a nightmare, more staying in classrooms with 1-1s playing maths games please....less bloody tinsel and nativities :)

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