This is my child and 'that's so gay'

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Great to see MNHQ involved in both campaigns (Stonewall campaign here but I am not sure why they can't be linked in terms of using offensive language.

There are many heated debates on the use of disablist language here, yet this has not been part of the 'This is my child' campaign - why?

The Stonewall release even says:

"It's often having that chat with the student and explaining to them that it shouldn't be used and equating it with words of race or language of disability that they might use that they know is unacceptable."

Yet, do people know that disablist language is unacceptable? I really think they don't and that the use of disablist language on tv and amongst mainstream figures is at least as prevalent and apparently 'acceptable' as homophobic language (if not more so). It seems de rigeur for some so-called 'comedians'.

Why the difference in approach? Is it because disabled children is all about 'children in need' and cuddly, pitiable disabled kiddies who need to be understood?

We don't need to persuade anyone of our children's rights to be heard and to live free of disablist language and discrimination.

We need to demand their rights.

Don't get me wrong: no form of discrimination is more or less acceptable than the other but why the difference in approach?

No one is saying 'this is my gay son' with lots of cuddly photos and pleas for acceptance are they? And their is a reason for that.

This is My Child is for children with special needs...correct me if I am wrong but I don't think minors who are LGBT are classed as having special needs.

Also, I'd like to add that your comment about disabled children being "cuddly and pitiable" is very offensive. I would add that many parents on this board in particular would say the opposite! Have you ever seen a hulking teenage boy with Autism being "Oohed and aaahed" at because he's so cute and "pitiable"

I think you may have missed inappropriately's point, Icameonthejitney. The hulking teenage boy with Autism is not going to be the one they have as their advert for disability awareness. It will be the cute little pixie girl in the wheelchair, or the almost-nt-looking boy with the smile, etc. Disability awareness capitalises on the photogenic heart-string-tugging cuties.

I think you are entirely misunderstanding what I have said.

Firstly, I have not said the Stonewall campaign is about young people who are gay having special needs.

I am talking about the prioritising of the use of language in one and not the other.

Secondly, I am clearly not suggesting for one minute that disabled children are 'cuddly and pitiable'. My point is evidently, quite the opposite, namely that media campaigns dealing with disabled children seem to think they need to pull at the heart strings to have people think our children are acceptable.

Other campaigns seem, quite rightly, to be able to stridently assert rights in behalf of minority groups e.g. 'I'm gay, get over it'.

Why not apply that approach to disabled children?

I see yes! Sorry...I completely misunderstood. It's a very good point isn't it....so the This is My Child Campaign should be stronger and more...not aggressive but certainly less cute.

Thanks! Yes, just something I wanted to bat around really. Can you imagine a campaign that said rather than 'this is my child', 'this is my child, s/he's disabled, get over it'?

Yes I can imagine it. I think that you should be in marketing! All the best campaigns have excellent marketing bods behind them. Approach some organisation with your thoughts.

When MN first raised the idea of the This is My Child campaign, many of us were asking for it to be more, well, strident, weren't we. I seem to remember one poster even using the phrase 'get over it'. I agree, it may well have been more hard-hitting to go down that route, and many of us have developed that 'fuck you, it's our world too' attitude simply by living in a world where it comes to dawn on us that people with SN are so ignored and hidden away.

I can sort of understand (but not applaud) a fear of a first approach going that way, especially for an organisation (if you can call MN that) which is not actually a disability campaigning group. If you read posts on the main board which touch on SN/disabilities, you always get the small but vocal group rolling eyes at the 'SN brigade'. In my RL even when talking to friends/family about ds, I get told I am not helping his 'cause' by being angry - it's my job to educate in a palatable way. Perhaps MN were worried that a too in-your-face campaign would be counter-productive. Not right for a second, but sadly the truth.

I just hope that if they continue the campaign the next hit is more assertive and more about the rights of people with SN, not merely the 'please let us live with you' approach.

I flagged on here "why has the This is my child campaign died a death" a few weeks ago. It felt like we were flavour of the month back in August, but not now. There was also a BBC news article quoting MN Founder about Bullying. Well isn't there a direct link to Bullying and This is my Child??? Aren't quite a few of our children bullied for the way they are or look? It all seems a bit like MN have said "let's jump on this weeks campaign bandwagon!" What about the fact that a lot of us live with disability in some form or another!

This is purely a personal observation and I am not trying to be provocation but it sometimes feels like you are swimming in concrete, fighting:

(a) the 'system'
(b) the large charities with Government money who don't challenge the status quo as they perhaps could
(c) parental groups/blogs/'activists' who too quickly become assimilated and appear unthreatening etc

It seems like to me, this great leaden, immovable weight.

A Philosophy Football t-shirt I saw yesterday said "If we ever began to speak out what would they do with us?" Victor Serge

Yes, what would they do? Fail our children more? Like us less? Really?

not trying to be provocative should say..

I do think MN did a great thing, though, for launching the campaign in the first place. It's not a campaigning organisation, and although they got loads of case studies from posters here, probably not much hands-on experience with SN, so actually a pretty good effort. Lessons to be learnt for a follow-up (eg design/imagery, and also a tangible goal) though.

Also worth noting that the current homophobia campaign is a joint one with Stonewall - there's a seasoned hard-hitting campaigning group if ever you saw one!!

Yes. I agree on both points.

Just thinking out loud and noting the differences in approach and inferring that a lot that is bad about our situations result from these differences and the nature of the 'traditional' need based approach.

when 'this is my child' was first floated, I suggested "this is my child/me: life with him/her/me/us" as a sort of half way house to 'get over it'.

I agree with everything you've said, IE.

I hate it when the only bits acceptable are the fluffy bits.

That is an excellent point, particularly as bloggers and other agencies have been invited to help.

In this anti-bullying week, couldn't we have flagged up disablist bullying as part of the campaign? I don't get the problem with the language issue which seems to have caused the MNHQ such problems (expressed in Sallybear's thread), I think rather that is all part and parcel of not seeing disability discrimination as somehow being as 'real' as other forms.

If MNHQ don't know how to progress this campaign, I am sure we can offer suggestions.

I agree. Not sure why we aren't consulted more as we are the ones living it.

I was asked to be in the Guardian's article about TIMC. I had a photo of me and my dc, I even put up with the fact that I was seriously misquoted in that article BECAUSE I felt that as a campaign the message hit home that disability in the home is hard. Its an uncomfortable truth that for many of us we will not see our children go off into the world as independent confident young adults. Personally, I don't believe that sexuality is as big a deal as it was when I was younger. My 14yr old twins and their friends talk about kids in their schools who are gay as if it was no big deal. My dd has been bullied for the way she looks and speaks. She has a genetic condition that gives her disabilities. My DS1 was bullied throughout Primary. He has AS - another disability.

For me this is when MNHQ should put their money where their mouth is during Anti- Bullying week and speak the brutal truth about attitudes towards disabled people and the derogatory language used.

Exactly. This would at least make their stance clear to those posting on their own boards that derogatory comments about disability, discrimination and prejudice are not acceptable.

Let alone the possibility they could throw their media weight behind the issues which really affect disabled children and their families and call for real change and not just 'please don't be mean to us. we are people too'.

Nothing about us, without us!

Thank you zzzzz yes it did rile, especially when DDs audiologist says at my last appt that she loved the article. I squirmed in my chair.

Anyway, I'm a professional at 'sucking it up' these days! Though I have been known to put the boot in when necessary