Tribunal - every one is telling me to let it drop - cant do this anymore

[2boysnamedR]

Sitting in the loo at work. Just had some one in ds care phone me and ask what the hell I'm thinking. I said should I not give a shit about my child? Was told there's a procedure to follow and I am trying to jump too far ahead. First they wait and see, then they watch them struggle, then they watch them fail, then they watch them go off the rails, then they let them rot for a bit. Then they step in.

What do I do? Everyone is against me doing this! Making me feel like a stupid tit. Patronising me like a stupid idiot. All I want is know from the nhs is up with ds and from the school why he can't learn

Is that really too much to fucking ask for?

It's not too much to ask, at all, 2boys

At the risk of stealing someone's line, you are your child's best and only advocate.

Going through two Tribunals (one conceded by LA before hearing, the other a full-scale Hearing) was the best stressful thing I've ever done. But now I'm the other-side and I daily see how my DS is, I would do it all again in a heartbeart.

If you are ever again told that there is a "procedure" to follow, ask them to point out exactly where in the Education Act and the SEN CoP it states that precise "procedure". Tell them that the only "procedure" you are interested in are those laid down in law as part of the Education Act and SEN CoP. LAs' "procedures" are not the law.

I am being spoken to like I am the one with the learning difficulties. Like I don't understand what is being said to me. I really do understand, I just do not agree that the best course of action is more waiting. It's all about volume of evidence rather than quality of evidence. So they need to see him fail over years on paper before they can act rather than seeing he has a neurological condition AND he can't learn so that in itself means he needs assessing. Another person who has never clapped eyes on my son saying he does not need a statement.

Someone I work with tells me "as long as there happy that's all that counts" how this be my highest expectation of his achievement in life? He can't drive or work out how money he gets in and going out. He can't keep himself clean, can't read can't write ( but he could have maybe with the right help at the right time). He is a young offends place as he didn't know hurting some one was wrong - but he's happy.

Ffs what the hell do I do? What ever way I turn its wrong. What ever I do he is screwed anyway

You take a deep breath and you do what is right for your child. These people saying all these 'helpful' quotes will be by long gone when your child is an adult. I agree with towiela - tribunal most stressful thing you will ever go through but I would do it all again in A heartbeat - in fact I'm about to do it all again for my daughter. No one else is going to do this so it's done to us. Just be polite and then just get on with what you need to do.

I have had to learn the hard way and now I do not say anything to anyone that has not gone through the experience themselves, hence me coming on here a lot and ranting.

People simply do not get it, and sometimes no matter how much sense YOU make, they just cant grasp what or why you are doing what you are doing. As BJK has said it is the most stressful thing and I myself as I write this, am on the verge of a breakdown, and seriously considering throwing in the towel but I still have some strength left and even if that just lasts until tomorrow I will keep on untll then.

You have to start tuning out the know it all's and focusing on your situation, doing what you think is right otherwise you will be peeved all the time....

When its all getting to you, come on here and have a rant, that usually helps

have to agree with Hoxton babe - it really is something that unless you've lived through, you'll never understand.

WHY would some who not only has never your child, but more importantly in 3 weeks from now won't ever remember his name presume to think that they might have a clue that they know what's best. A couple of decades from now you could either be wondering what housewarming present to buy your independent lad, OR arguing the toss with adult social care that you can no longer bathe him due to your arthritis.

Office politics and funding is NOT your problem. Raising your child to achieve to the best of is potential damn well is!

The law supports you in this, by saying that ultimately responsibility for education lies with the PARENT.

NICE (NHS advisory watchdog) guidelines state that all neuro-disorders should be ideally be assessed within 6 months.

YOU ARE ONLY ASKING THE PROFESSIONALS TO DO THE JOBS THE TAXPAYER PAYS THEM TO DO. Nothing more, nothing less.

Step back from it all for a few days, take a break. If you have to keep DS at home and take the bloody phone off the hook. You'll regain your perspective and realise that you are not being unreasonable.

Sadly schools seem to be allowed far to much sway over the diagnostic process. School staff also have less training than my dog in how to help these kids. You are being led by a bunch of incompetents who may not even realise how much they don't know, given that their key source of information will be the telly and the daily mail.

Stick with it. I've been to hell and back, but I have a 9 year old who can participate in some mainstream leisure activities, has the skills to make and keep friends and is finally learning to read. He has a future. At 5 he sat in the corner rocking and making animal noises most of the day. The fight, hellish though it has been has been worth it!

never met your child.

My Granny had a saying - "it's so easy to criticise others attempts, much harder to get out there and DO". This applies to so many of these caring carrot types it's untrue.

Urgh! I think I need to stop talking to all professionals involved in ds care. I have been to phone a mediation team who told me the lea have not called in people they should have. I phone the lea to check the facts and then I get asked why I want to know. I should not talk to the mediators. "What the hell is this parent doing" was exact words I think.
Then I was told maybe I won't need to go tribunal?! From someone who has never met my ds? I will not drop the case and the school can't raise a request while we wait for tribunal so what the heck does that mean? It like they hinted they might drop the case in the same sentence as telling me ds is never going to get a statement and I have zero right to request statutory assessment in year 1. Then they don't get why I am confused!

Ah stuff it. I think I will call in my own professionals then there's no room for any more confusion or "questioning of professionals" who I have never seen so how the hell I have questioned their professional judgement fuck knows!

It sounds hellish but I hope that you find the strength to keep going. The people deciding what's best for your son without ever having met him sound appalling.

Who was it who described the 'banality of evil'? I.e. 'evil' hardly ever presents with a neon sign and a high pitched cackle, it's often much more subtle than that.

But what is happening to your DS (or rather what isn't happening for him) is evil nonetheless.

Keep going. Honk honk.

Stop talking to people. You are going to tribunal. It is up to them to convince you otherwise through their own efforts and kindness.

Also, the stronger your case the worse people behave.

If you were a naive fool you wouldn't be spoken to so badly, you'd be spoken to softly and laughed about in the staffroom.

starlight is right - stop talking to people - they already have their agendas and which way they want this to go - all the talking in the world from you isn't going to persuade them otherwise but your quiet determination and strong evidence will. tribunal will be the place your voice will finally be listened to and that the last place they want you to be so they will basically try every tactic of sabotage to stop you getting there - take it as a compliment that your case is strong. easy for me to say now after being through the whole way - I remember now how absolutely stressful it was and how it nearly bought me to my knees - 6 months on - my son is absolutely flourishing and is happy 0 every single tear I shed and every late night worrying was now completely and utterly worth it - everyone on here when I was going through it told me it would be okay and they were right. the other point is that most of the people telling you this rubbish have never step foot in front of a tribunal so actually have no idea. they also don't want it to get to tribunal in case they end up being the person who is called by the LA to tribunal

I know your right I just don't believe I win this.

I am going to tribunal, that's set in stone. Unless I am dead on that, nothing else will stop me having my say there.

I think I just need to focus on his pead appointment for some progress to a dx and find a bloody good ex phyc.

I am having the worse time of my life and I can't turn to family or friends as they all say the wrong things. Like another said to me today "I understand, I have kids too". No you don't get it though do you? Because you don't have the kid who has struggled all his life and been let down at every step by everyone involved with him. You don't see him cry and tell you he can't get his words out he that he never will and think to yourself "no son I can't help you - this is your lot in life mate".

Why are you listening to these people?

Ignore them.

They are upset because you are not behaving like a good little (piss poor) parent and going along with all their nonsense.

What you are experiencing is bullying. Bullying that is designed to get you upset (tick - they managed that) and wondering if you should drop the appeal (tick - they managed that too).

So just ignore and relish the fact that you've got them rattled.

If someone is rude to you - report them, make a complaint. Show them you will not be pushed around.

And if it's any consolation - you have to try really hard to lose a refusal to assess appeal.

As others have said -just ignore these people.
I have recently gone to tribunal and have received nasty threats along the way which were attempts to make me give up. I didn't do this and they were bloody well ripped apart in the courtroom.
Keep going. I know it's hard but they count on parents falling by the wayside as it all saves money. They don't care about your child which is why you have to keep fighting as no-one can do it for you.
There are a load of battle scarred veterans here that can help though and advice is always available if you need it. Good luck.

It was school educational phycologist I was talking to today.

I don't believe I am the only parent he has ever met who has asked for assessment then taken it to tribunal. Although he did strongly give the impression I was.

I'm going back under my stone. I don't know if I have to go to talk with LLS and this dick before the big day. Not sure I can face that but that's the only thing I'm going engage in. No child can possibly get refered for assessment without a ed phyc and that never happens fast it seems here.

Even if you lose at Tribunal (and, as said above, you probably wont: a refusal to assess is relatively 'easy' to win) they will need to collect shed-loads of fiction best estimates data about your ds's progress.

Which then means at any subsequent tribunal, you can simply point to 'how well' they logged he was doing in Nov 2013 & ask why it wasn't sustained.

The nasty tactics are a good sign. Make yourself a bingo card from this handout and entertain yourself in meetings trying to get a full house.

EPs are the worst. I will never know why they go into such a profession only to be intent on blocking support or wanting to help.

Oh yes, and don't talk much in any unwanted meetings. With the possible exception of the NHS paediatric review.

You're there mainly to find out what they think/plan/want. You already know what you think/plan/want, and from your previous posts, no-one's listening when you speak. You can talk to yourself anytime, in the comfort of your own home .

Bring a list, and stick exactly to the contents. Then leave them a copy of the list 'for DS file'

There are two models of EP provision. Directly helping a particular child, or teaching schools how to help children in general. Nothing wrong with either model. But lots wrong with massively overloaded, brief-advice-to-teacher LA EPs pretending they specialise in direct-child-work .

'No child can ever get refered for assessment without an ed psych'.

Yes they can! my dd is living proof they can! I was told the same by the bullying LA EP. I listened to all the lies she threw at me and then politely informed her that my request for SA had been posted the day before .
She told me it was a waste of everyones time and I wasnt following procedure. She was eating her words when the LA accepted my SA request and she had to assess dd!

'No child can ever get refered for assessment without an ed psych'

Wrong.

They agreed to statutory assessment before Ed Pysch had seen my son.

I get that " not following procedure" but no one can tell me the procedure as they make it up as they go a mere parent could never grasp the process.

Luckily I have the tribunal process printed out from the courts and that's a easy standard process that even a silly mummy can understand so I had better follow that process.

Good point about going to the meetings and keeping my mouth shut. If anyone asks about my intentions I was planning on using the method used on me today. "Give me some time, lets talk in a month, at Christmas, after Christmas, before half term, after half term, oh look it tribunal in a few days let chat after that" ( aka lets not chat until he gets assessed as this chat is going round in circles).

Maria - I can see myself a lot in your link - I must be getting better lol! I did the "can I stop you there - I don't get what your point is, should I just let him rot then?, yes yes I DO understand what your saying, I really do...," all I wanted was a yes or no but he had to tell me the steps pathway six times in slow patronising voice before I got the answer to my original question. Shame I can't record these conversations on my iPhone... Or can I?

Wet - he was trying to tell me he was all powerful and no child gets past him - a bit like like a rabid pit bull guarding the lea Christmas piss up fund from annoying vulnerable children who have to audacity to presume they have a place in society

I'm feeling a bit better now. I will try to treat any spoken word as just baiting from now on - entertainment purposes only. The only person who can tell me I'm wasting my time is the judge on the day