Can someone please help me.

[BeYouBeHappy]

Hello Mummies

I am new here, I am at the end of my tether at the moment and I'd really appreciate some help.

I have a son of age 8 who was diagnosed with autism 2 years ago, he was attending a mainstream school up until Wednesday. At school as well as at home he is very difficult, I wouldn't say an handful I would say very difficult.

He has never been interested in making any friends, he calls other children 'enemies' and just won't interact with them. Although he did attack a few children in his class it would take days for me to get him to speak about what happened and his replies would always be the same. 'They need to be punished' or 'I was suing them to pay for what they have done' I don't know where he has learnt that word from... or 'If you do something bad you have to face consequences' it did come into my mind that he was being bullied but he never opens up to any of us and lets us know what is going on in his mind.

He does say some strange worrying things that we have learnt to ignore.

Today whilst in the supermarket at the check out he come out with 'I want to set everything in this trolley alight like a bush fire' the drive home he come out with 'I think it would be best if I died I think it would be best for everyone, right?"

Sorry for going off subject a little bit I just needed to let it out I live with my daughter and my husband and he isn't much help when it comes to dealing with our sons behaviour, our daughter does try and help but she does get scared and upset by the things my son says to her.

Wednesday afternoon I was called to my sons school, he had stabbed another boy in his class with a pair of scissors and also hurt a few other children in his class.

He has been permanently excluded I don't blame the school for coming to this decision. I have cried for the most of the day, I really feel as I have failed my son, I have no idea how to go about finding another school for him, my husband is no help when I called him and told him what our son had did, he said 'well the other kids must have done something to him for him to react like that'

I need some additional support I didn't get any support from the school the only help they gave my son was a teacher who sat beside him whilst in class.

He is not uncontrollable at home he just never wants to eat, he never shows any sad emotions he hasn't cried for years which is not normal, he doesn't smile or laugh either.

I find it extremely hard to punish him as well...

Can someone please help or give me some advice I am very desperate :(

Poor you. And poor him.

What are your thoughts on his next school? Would you like him to try another mainstream school? Does he have a Statement (I'm suspecting not).

Oh I feel for you.

Do you have an angels support group near you? They are a charity that support families who have a child with autism.

Where abouts are you? Perhaps we can help you find a re support group?

Or the mn ers in here are lovely lovely lovely.we have only just started this journey but they have been nothing but helpful are are a great source of information and support.

I know I haven't been much help but didn't want your post to gown answered and wanted to let you know someone was listening. Xx

Please phone SOS SEN or IPSEA as soon as you possibly can. You need to talk through all your options.

Sorry but what support did your child receive before this incident? I'm a little concerned that it sounds like this behaviour was potentially predicable yet he was in a situation where it could occur.
What support has been in place?

Okay. First things first. What sort of support do you have in RL? Does he regularly see a paediatrician or CAMHS to monitor his progress in general? Does he have a statement? Are you looking at putting him back in a MS school or a SS? Or other options?

Does he watch a lot of television or play video games? DS1 is 7yo and a number of phrases he pops out with can often be linked to that. Not saying he should be allowed to watch television or play games, just saying it's a likely source. Johnny Test and Fairly Odd Parents are DS1's particular favourites and it's given him a few choice comments!

oops posted the above on the wrong thread! I'll ask to get it removed!

Lounge. I don't know what I want to do I am really confused here :(
Revoltinparadise. I would have to do an online search to see if I do. We live in St John's Wood.
NeenyPops. I am new to this site, I will have to look up the meanings to those abbreviations.
Upsideandaround. The only support my son got was a teacher who sat beside him in lessons, whom he wouldn't interact with.
Trigglesx. I am going to have to look up those abbreviations, me and the school have never met together to discuss his behaviour it has always seemed as if they weren't interested in what he did unless it involved another child, He rarely watches television, we have asked him if he wants a console but he doesn't seem interested in those things. He does isolate himself a lot, he will spend most of his time in his bedroom I am really worried about what might happen next :(

Well the short of it, should you wish to appeal and wish your child to remain there you have a very strong case. The school MUST inform you of your right to appeal to an independent panel within 15 days of your request, they can ask the governors to reconsider.
You will I'm sure get good advice here should you wish to go down this route.

UpsideAndAround. Do you think he should return back there? He used to get upset every morning before leaving the house. Do you think a specialist school would be better for him or could that just make him worst?

sorry. RL - real life, IEP - individual education plan (or something like that), MS - mainstream, SS - special school.

I'm a bit baffled now. So they put a teacher beside him in lessons, but never did an IEP or a statement? Did they give you written notice of the exclusion? Is there any other paperwork regarding his behaviour or problems at the school?

I can't answer that without knowing him. Has an alternative provision been discussed? I do know the way it works near me (but not evrywhere!) is that a pupil may go to a PRU (pupil referral unit) if transferred (not excluded). Normally a special school requires a statement, but areas vary so much.
Another opinion is appealing successfully, then applying for a fresh start at another mainstream school if you think a regular school, but not this one, may meet his needs. A school may even consider a 'managed move' for a pupil with the LA. So appealing may not mean actually returning.

Trigglesx: I would guess a poor IEP is drawn up but not communicated and an untrained body has babysat, it's not unheard of at all.

The reason for me being quite confident in appeal being successful is the seemingly poor paperwork and lack of strategies. Otherwise any school could get rid of autistic pupils by simply setting them up for meltdowns by not managing needs!

Exactly Upside - it sounds much like the school has mismanaged this utterly and not followed what is basically appropriate practice. I would say that the SENCOP is probably not amongst their reading material?

Trigglesx - Thanks for explaining I really appreciate it.

GP referred us to a psychologist once I got the diagnoses I informed the school I was told they could offer someone to help him in the classroom but I'd have to wait (I generally believe they thought my son was just a stubborn child who didn't want to interact with others or do any of his work) no they didn't give me written notice of the exclusion, on Wednesday the head teacher said that they don't think it is a good idea for him to come back, today received a parcel by Royal Mail with my sons coat, lunch box and some of his work books, when I was called to the school on Wednesday my son had a cut on his lip which was bleeding, up until now I have no idea how it happened. There is no paper work that I know of.

Upsidedown - I haven't been given any alternative and I can't keep him home with me forever I have tried to seek advice from friends but they aren't being much help at the moment :(

I believe then that the exclusion would be illegal. They have to give you written notice if I remember correctly. I'm sure someone else on the board will know more though.

Another group who could advise you is your local parent partnership. The school is not following the proper procedure, assuming this is a State school in England.

You need to appeal because they and the LA should be looking for a managed move for your son. They seem to have been totally failing in trying to safeguard your son and other pupils, by helping him to learn to control his behaviour.

A school can't just call you in and tell you to take your son home and not bring him back.

Trigglesx & Mummytime, I thought due to the seriousness as the matter. I am just confused right now but thanks for all of your help I am going to take it on board.

I don't think I want him to go back there it just wouldn't be fair on the other children, but moving schools could have an affect on him because he doesn't take too well to change,

The school failing your son is what's unfair on the other children.

If he used a wheelchair, they put in a cheapie, substandard ramp, and he rolled down it injuring other dc, that would not be your (or his) fault, it'd be be a health & safety fail. And not grounds to exclude.

Cheapie, substandard 1-1 & no proper plan or external support/advice to the school, that is what caused the injuries.

Though exclusion from a sh*t school isn't necessarily a bad thing, it might still be worth considering an appeal to give you time to find a better one.

You want school to know stuff like this

wrong area, but some more resources/ ideas here

And here,here here browse schools

Sorry, BeYou, I should have explained that SOS SEN and IPSEA are both charities who advise and help parents of children with SEN and disabilities. SOS's helpline number is 020 8538 3731, IPSEA's is 0800 018 4016, but I suspect they may not operate at the weekend. However, it's worth looking at their websites which have a lot of useful information.

Polter Just a side note - thank you for posting that article by Ross Greene. VERY very interesting. I will be printing off a copy to give to DS1's teachers, and I may buy 2 copies of the book - one for me and one for his school. It never hurts to give them more information that might be helpful.