in a state of upset here and really need advice (is poltergoose around ?)

[thriftychic]

ds 14 ASD , have had 3 years of school misery , only diagnosed last year. he hates school and recently had an issue with ict . ds2 has not been doing any work in this lesson and from what i can tell him and the teacher dont like each other at all.
When he started back the other week he came home telling me he had asked a question about the mouse sensitivity and she had been really off with him saying you dont need to know anything about that . he took that quite badly . she gave him detention the week after for not working. he says he doesnt understand even when she explains again etc .
so , on tuesday it hit an all time low , he got so frustrated and was rude and walked out , she was going on at him (he says) . i got a phone call saying he had shoved the teacher and was now pacing the corridors in an agitated state . he says he opened the door to go back in the classroom and she was behind it , it was accidental. tbh once hes in that state of mind im not sure he knows whats what anyway and i dont think they handled him well.
he often refuses to go to school at all and now they have phoned to tell me he has an in school exclusion for 2 days . this means he has to go to the behaviour support room from 9:30 until 4:30 pm. i know now that he will not leave the house to do this and will be at home distressed instead.
I pointed out that he already knows that you shouldnt shove people etc and he needs someone to sit down with him and help him with the skills he needs to respond better next time . that this isnt going to help anyway.
I dont think i will ever get him back to the school now he knows the exclusion is waiting . no idea what to do and really upset

have read your post now , sorry your having a miserable time aswell i can relate to what you say about not even knowing whats causing the anxiety / stress i just seem to get absolutely nowhere talking to ds2 .
if they go ahead with this exclusion which they seem to be as there was no budging i think that will be the end for us at that school
do you think it would be reasonable or useful to insist the school send me a written report of what happened in the classroom ?
this is what happens when school dont open their eyes and say there isnt a problem when there clearly is
sorry , no advice on your situation , i dont feel qualified to advise since im in such a mess but

Your poor ds I used to get this all the time with ds, ds saying he doesn't understand even after its been explained and school saying he does understand.

I would be telling school your ds is telling you he doesn't understand, even after its been explained and asking what strategies they use (or plan to use) to make sure he has understood to avoid these situations in future.

What do they expect, if your ds isn't understanding and is then being punished for not understanding, how frustrating for him.

are they even allowed to exclude when they have failed to understand his needs ? we are waiting for him to be observed in school at the moment so nothing is in place .
it just beggars belief for me

I think that is the nail on the head, they have excluded as they have failed to understand his needs, but they don't know that they have failed. Seems their problem is they don't know, that they don't know.

As Polter says seems they reminding

'need reminding'

they have finished early today , ds has arrived home and they havent even told him . they have left me to explain that they are excluding him

Have they put it in writing to you? if not ask and challenge it in writing.

i have just phoned school and asked why ds2 knows nothing about it , have i misunderstood that it starts tomorrow and also that i would like a written report of what happened in the lesson and the exclusion in writing .
the pastoral lady is checking it out and getting back to me .
camhs have said they agree with me and will ring the senco .

are you thinking so that i have a record poltergoose ? Im not sure about email addresses tbh , there is one on the website i think but not sure of the one for the assistant head specifically . i'll have a look

yes , i will do that i have just had school text me to confirm that his exclusion starts tomorrow and the letter confirming it is in the post . no mention of the report of what exactly happened to cause this or the fact that they have not even mentioned it to ds2 .

as predicted ds2 is adamant that he will not be going to the behaviour unit for his exclusion , so wondering how long i will be having to cope with him at home . what will they do about that ?
i feel like emailing and re iterating why i think its wrong , would that be a bad idea ?
normally if ds2 refuses to go to school i wont allow tv or xbox or anything , in a bid to support him going in to school . but , if hes refusing tomorrow i dont know what i will do seeing as i dont even agree with the school !

thankyou

Your ds is being punished for frustration arising from being punished for his difficulties. School need to put that right.

However IF he did push a teacher (even in his understandable frustrated state) maybe you could agree a more appropriate sanction with school?

camhs phoned school and then me , they said that there was a possibility that they would reduce the exclusion to one day rather than two . camhs suggested i bargain with ds2 , tell him that he should just go and do the one day and then he wont have to go back in that class again (which he wont )
he has agreed to doing one day and very reluctantly and miserably gone in this morning . i am waiting to speak to the senco now , hoping that they have actually reduced it to one day because although i said to ds2 that there was a possibility of that happening in his head he has decided that IS whats happening .
i emailed the assistant head explaining why i thought it wasnt a good course of action and he hasnt even responded to me .

I hope CAMHS also gave them tips for managing your ds more appropriately, to avoid this in future. I find with CAMHS they tend to be all about helping an individual to manage their behaviour better, with little regard for outside influences, other than parents.

i doubt it ! we had a meeting the week before and they came up with virtually nothing .

i notice it says on the letter confirming the exclusion that i have a right to see his school record . is there a reason i should need to ? i am thinking of requesting it anyway

Maybe as you requested an account of the incident?

CAMHS are useless!

Definitely ask for a hard copy of his entire school record. You may find some very interesting information on file that will help you.

just managed to speak to the school and they are saying the 2 days still stands ! so when i tell ds2 that hes going to go mad i will probably be back in the same situation as i was on friday now tomorrow with him refusing to go to it .
he will probably think i have tricked him into it . i took the advice of camhs and now look!
i have just ranted down the phone to the patoral woman that if Mr xyz is insisting its 2 days he can bloody well come and enforce it himself at my house tomorrow morning coz ive had enough