Anyone want to do sharing/mutual hand-holding re horrible back-to-school experiences - DCs with anxiety/sensory issues?

[Jacksterbear]

DS has gone back to school (Y2) today.

So awful and upsetting.

Hours of tantrums and tears last night (not ostensibly about school but it's clear that was the underlying anxiety). An hour of the same before school this morning. Got him into the classroom ok (with the promise that I would stay for a little while to settle him), but he then hid under the table; and then the inevitable meltdown happened when I tried to leave. Half an hour of screaming in the corridor later, we (me, Senco, TA and his 1:1 supporter) decided that I needed to just leave, and it took all three of them to prise him away from me and I had to leave (I was in tears by this point, not helpful obviously but I couldn't help it) while he struggled and screamed.

Senco phoned about an hour later to say he had only just calmed down. Suggested taking him in at 8.45 and he'll be met by his TA, for future mornings.

Argghhh. Still tearful and feeling totally drained now. Anyone else had a bad morning with school drop-off and want to share?

Another horrendous drop-off today. This is so hard to bear .

Oh, Jackster, I'm sorry . It is so harrowing. Is your DH going to do any of the drop-offs, as you mentioned earlier?

When DS1 first had meltdowns about going to school, he used to spend his days in the office and, later, in the library with a TA, rather than going into class. This seemed to help him cope better. He did not have a statement. Would this be an option for your DS?

Hi Toffee, yes DH is doing some drop-offs, thank goodness!

We had ds' first OT appointment yesterday, which was really good and I'm really hopeful about. However the knock-on effect has been to throw out the normal routine of the week, so today was always going to be a bad day!

Have spoken to senco and ds is calm now but had a prolonged meltdown after being left this a.m., and was throwing chairs around. Feeling sick with worry

I think he does spend a lot of time put of the classroom, in the library area I think, but on an ad hoc basis as he's so inconsistent in his moods.

Thanks for the link to this thread Jacksterbear so sorry to read all these difficult back to school stories.

We're on the 4th week back (in Scotland) and DS is really struggling. If one more person tells me "he just needs time to settle back in" honestly, will they still be saying that at Christmas?

I hope this week gets better for all of us!

silas yes I know what you mean re those sorts of comments! I get annoyed when people say "well it's a new year, it's difficult for all the children isn't it?" Which is totally unreasonable of me as I know that a) they're just being sympathetic and b) they are right, to a certain extent; but there are degrees of difficulty!

How's everyone else doing?

silas - those comments are infuriating, but I suppose people who haven't been through it themselves just don't get it. I wish I'd collected all the daft and unhelpful comments I have had over the years, although I honestly think the kind and sensitive ones outnumbered them.

DS1 is still off school, so no pre-school stress here yet. It may be a different story when he has a second go at completing his insight week. Am hoping he lasts longer than three hours out of the whole week next time...

A better couple of days, yay! Lots of hiding under the table and a bit of screaming but no throwing furniture or books or tipping over bins which is good! And drop-offs have been better too.

Toffee is your ds' insight week coming up soon? All the best for that.

Hope everyone doing ok.

That's good news, Jackster .

No date for DS's insight week yet. His CBT therapist is back from holiday on Monday and will then arrange a meeting with the school to discuss strategies. Am not going to even attempt to get DS there without her help!

Hope you managed to get a plan in place, Toffee.

OT has gone into school today to observe and assess DS there, then will meet with us and school to make recommendations for what he needs at school. Am very hopeful that this is going to be a big help for him.

Also I mentioned to senco my worry that school would say they couldn't manage him (half-jokingly, but actually not joking iyswim!) and she said "oh no: we don't give up on children that easily! We will do anything we can to make school accessible and enjoyable for him". Which was very reassuring!

Oh fuck . After all my earlier optimism, checked ds' home-schoolbook and CT needs to speak to me tmrw am about an incident this pm which seems to have involved all the other children having to be evacuated from the classroom... twice... due to ds' behaviour. Crap. Of course as always he just says "fine/can't remember" etc when I ask him about it.

Oh, poor you, Jack. Best of luck tomorrow. And let's hope the OT will come up with some helpful observations and ways of helping your son. When is the PDA/ASD assessment due?

Thanks Toffee. PDA assessment booked for end of Oct at the Elizabeth Newson Centre; and he's seeing the community paed at the CDC next week. I spoke to OT this eve and she has lots of recommendations for interventions in school (and at home) which she thinks will help him, to be discussed in detail next week.

Jacksterbear

Clearly the current level of support is not enough for your son, his needs are clearly not being met.

I was wondering how you were getting on with regards to making a statement request to the LEA in question. These things can take 6 months upwards to set up, has school mentioned statementing to you?.
I would make the application myself as you know its been done then, some schools can sit on such things for ages. You can appeal in the event the LEA say no, school cannot.

IPSEAs website may be useful to you and I would also suggest you read the SEN Code of Practice which is online as well.

Next year he will start juniors and that establishment can be very unforgiving if additional needs are not met, there is also the unwritten social niceties to contend with.

www.ipsea.org.uk

Attila, I agree, and thanks for the info/link. Senco says she thinks we should wait for a fuller picture of his diagnosis before applying for statement so we have a better idea of what he needs, but surely the point of the statementing assessment is to find that out .

Well he hasn't gone to school today . So hysterical this morning over not wanting to go, that he slipped mid-meltdown and smacked his head/eye on a wooden bed-frame, and after that he was just in pieces. Now he's in bed with a nasty cut black eye and a cracking headache feeling very sorry for himself.

Spoke to CT about yesterday: DS had blown up and was screaming threats at some of his classmates and the CT and TA felt the other children needed to be removed for their safety; they came back in after they thought he'd calmed down but then he started again and they all had to leave again .

In DS' words this morning, this is why he didn't want to go to school: it's too noisy, I can't concentrate, the other children annoy me and I can't keep calm, and I don't like having to do whatever the teachers say the minute they say it.

Sorry for rambling on...

Hi Jacksterbear,

Sorry to read that he had this accident and has not gone in today as a result.

re your comment:-
"Attila, I agree, and thanks for the info/link. Senco says she thinks we should wait for a fuller picture of his diagnosis before applying for statement so we have a better idea of what he needs, but surely the point of the statementing assessment is to find that out confused".

You are right, SENCO is wrong. End of. This is all happening as well because his clear additional needs at school are simply not being met by them. He is really suffering and simply cannot manage.

Criteria for a statement is need of one. Also statements can take six months to set up so any further delays just hamper things and certainly do not help either your son or you as a family.

I would urge you to apply for the statement now (you do not need a diagnosis) and ignore any naysayers. You are his best - and only - advocate here.

So sorry about your DS's accident, Jack. I agree wholeheartedly with Attila about seeking a statement asap. I spent years being fobbed off by professionals over DS1's needs. If we had had the help I requested so many years ago, DS would probably never have had the breakdown that led to him leaving school.

Can you keep him at home whilst you are awaiting assessments and applying for a statement? His needs are not being met at school and he is clearly not coping. It sounds as if he has sensory issues (noise, too many people, etc). Poor boy. And poor you. It is so harrowing.

Also, does he need a checkup at minor injuries? I don't like the sound of that headache. He might have mild concussion.

Thanks Attila and Toffee for your responses. I am carefully considering whether being in school is on balance doing ds more good than harm -it's a very close call ATM (he does have some really good days). Will also consider the statement thing v carefully.

OT will be making recommendations next week to address his sensory issues so that may well lead to improvements - I hope so.

Re the head bump - I am keeping a close eye but don't think it was that bad physically - it was just the last straw for his already very fragile mental state today.