What do you think - 'autistic child' or a child 'with autism'?

[everynameistaken]

Not posted for a while. But just asking this as I sometimes come accross this at work. I prefer to say thay my DS has autism rather than DS is autistic.

Taking over some work from a colleague and all over the paperwork is says 3 autistic children and it kind of gets my back up a bit. I want to start as I mean to go on and say 3 children with autistic spectrum disorder.

Without sounding too AIBU, am I being unreasonable??

Am I overthinking this? Is it just me it upsets?

Very interesting thread.

I feel comfortable describing my son as autistic, as opposed to having autism. It's accurate, and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, there are lots of facets of autism that he could be proud of. Interestingly, I say he has aspergers, rather than using the word aspergic. Probably because it's just a less commonly used term though. I did hear the speaker on thought for the day on radio 4 this morning using "aspergic" to describe her own son though... Interesting.

The discussion reminds me a bit of the debate in past years within the Deaf community. There is a difference between being Deaf (with a capital) and being hearing impaired (or lower case deaf, in the old sense). Maybe it's a similar thing? For some people, there is a strong feeling that autism defines them in a belonging to a community type way, or in a this is how I view myself type way. For others, the autism may be a less defining characteristic of their personality.

Yes. It really does help. I will be forever grateful to her for taking the risk with us (it was a risk asking her to take him, his 1:1 and us not agreeing to her SENCO flagging him up) and then when our 'lie' was uncovered, to show us support.

Not only was it nice but it helped me not to doubt myself as a sane woman in an immensely insane LA.

It also helped me realise that there was no future in that LA.

At least that and one of the governors from the school that was named in ds' statement inviting me for coffe to tell me all the things the HT had been telling the governing body about me including being banned from MN. He was a strong Christian and wanted to ask me himself if that and the other things were true before taking action on their basis.

I like english, simple, plain, without baggage, without emotional projection and without bullshit

Maybe, since i am very likely on the spectrum myself, its the difference in the way I think versus the way NTs think?

That resonates.

Ive been thinking about this, I know what I want to say, but need to think more to word it right, I don't want to fluff my words and offend anyone!

Two things that keep coming up for me, I think someones experiences can have an influence on the terms they find difficult and the emotions that are being attached to the words. I am not saying whether or not someone accepts their childs autism [this is the bit I need to be careful how I word] but more of what the DX means to them. now that will possibly be influenced by the severity of the condition, but IMO also by what it means to them/how they view autism.

I am not talking about acceptance or being in denial, but just what exactly it means to an individual. does that make any sense?

The other thing is more about how I feel, When my son got his DX I was happy, there were no tears at all. I was relieved. I know that lots of people feel like that too but not all.

If Id been at school in this time, I would probably have got a DX too, I had an assessment by an EP who said I had above average intelligence so there couldn't be anything 'wrong' with me, so I just ended up struggling through school being told I was lazy and difficult and got really good at pretending to be normal on the surface.

My Dad was the same, but instead of seeing the EP he just got the cane on a regular basis.

So, for me my son being autistic feels like a blessing in some way, he is as far as im concerned, just like me and my Dad, but he has the luxury of a DX, he has more chance of success at school and less chance of going through life feeling like a failure because he has a reason for why he struggles.

I think that is why I see 'is autistic' and 'I am autistic' as more of an identity thing? affirmative and positive.

My son is also black, we have had similar discussions about his 'black identity' the conclusion he found is that he will say 'I am black' because while that is not all he is and isn't the only way to describe a person, it is an important part of his identity and what makes him who he is. some of his experiences in life are influenced by it so I think it is important that he has a positive sense of self. He thinks of his autism in a similar way and I think it is good for him to be similarly positive about it.

That is just my experience and thoughts and I know everyones experience is different.

Wow that is very long! sorry

"I think that is why I see 'is autistic' and 'I am autistic' as more of an identity thing? affirmative and positive."

Amberleaf, that's a really good way of putting it. I think that's how I feel too. And I suppose it's also a hope I have for my son - that he will grow up to be accepting of himself, and proud of who he is.

Thanks SingySongy.

I must say though, it is a goal and a work in progress!

It has been particularly hard this week as he is anxious about returning to school and all his insecurities are flooding back.

But he and I are trying.

Polter sorry to hear you are having one of those days

I think there shouldn't be forbidden words.

How descriptors are used in context should be carefully considered. It is the context that will make the word sound uncomfortable, not the word itself.

could be a consensus?

I realise that I am my children. I am how they will be in twenty years and the difficulties i have making my thoughts known and my meaning understood is the same difficulty they live with every single day

YES, this.

Sorry on my phone and DM visiting but I would like to point out that a lot of these issues have been addressed within academic 'disability studies'. I'll post some papers/refs when I get chance.

I was at a conference earlier this month where I saw Ari Ne'eman, Wendy Lawson and John Elder Robison present as well as many other autistics/people withASD/people with autism/Aspergian/Aspergics/autistic people present. I was struck by just how varied the terminology is and there no longer seems to be any one totally absolutely correct term to use. I guess there never really was though.

The term I am seeing being used here in Australia increasingly since the changes to the DSM and loss of the diagnosis Aspergers is Autistic Spectrum Condition. This is being used because so many adults no longer consider their autism to be a disability. I've got mixed feelings about it personally.

My DH calls himself an Aspie and plans to continue to do so, my 20 yo uses Aspie or Aspergers and my 16yo doesn't really call himself anything although he knows his diagnoses. The terminology I would love to see disappear is low functioning and high functioning.

@everynameistaken As an autistic adult I can tell you that the autistic preference is for autistic child. Academic studies (try Kenny et al. 2016) have shown that person-first language (person with autism) is the allistic preference, chosen by those outside the autistic (as opposed to autism) community. Condition-first language (autistic person) is our preference, though there will be autistic people who disagree. I can't help wondering how much internalised ableism goes into some people's opinions, though. Always use the language that is preferred by (most of) the community involved. It is annoying to have others foist their wishes onto us when they are speaking about us. Many of us have voices (be they verbal, written or otherwise communicated) and we appreciate being listened to.

This is a zombie thread so attitudes expressed here have hopefully changed. The autistic community overwhelmingly prefers to be called autistic, myself included.