My son STILL cannot read. The school won't support me at all

[ShoutyCrackers]

Any advice please?

He is in Year 1 and will be 7 in December. He can read and spell his own name as well as 'Mum' and 'Dad' and that is it. His reading book is the pink one that 4 year olds have in Reception...he struggles with this. He is on SAP and has 1 to 1 every day. The school tell me he has 'concentration issues' and is unable to settle down sometimes after a outdoor play session so they remove him to another classroom until he calms down. He also is unable to pronouce some words...'flower' for example will be 'schlower' and 'beautiful' will be 'blootiful'

However he has no Special Needs and is ahead in Maths and Science type stuff. He is intelligent and knowledgeable about all sorts of different subjects and is really just a normal little boy.

I am convinced that he has dyslexia. The school disagree and try and insist that he reads to me for 20 minutes a night. I won't do this and have explained my reasoning behind it... he gets very stressed, won't participate unless forced, cries etc etc and it all ends in me being angry and it's just a shambles. I made the decision that he has to concentrate enough at school so I am not going to force this at home. This doesn't stop the teacher writing ' XXX would like to read with his mummy every night' in his book - which has somewhat given me the rage!

I am about to pay for a private dyslexia assessment - he has a screening appointment on Thursday and I will see what the results of that show.

Can the school MAKE him read to me in the evening? He literally cannot do it. I can sound out a word with him...C A T for example...and he will come up with CAN or GATE ... and then he howls in frustration...and so the cycle begins!

Does he sound dyslexic to you? Any advice appreciated.

I'm a teacher and also have a ds in year 1.

I think you are right not to push the home reading, absolutely nothing is going to be gained from 'forcing' him to read. And what a nobby thing for the teacher to write- just write something like 'ds enjoyed mummy reading to him at bed time'.

Secondly I think you should establish what is happening with regards to ds going to a different room after playtime. Does this always happen? Does he settle better for a science/dt/art lesson than reading? What strategies has his own teacher put in place to help him calm? Those sorts of things. If it turns out that he is seemingly only unable to settle down for reading, then I think dyslexia seems more likely as it would be classic avoidance.

It is possible that he is dyslexic fom the examples you gave but it is also possible that he is not dyslexic and just hasn't 'got' it yet. Will his school assess him for dyslexia?

Thanks for the reply Jennifer.

The Head Teacher of the school also happens to be the SENCO and she has said to me that I 'appear to have given up.' This is not true. I sometimes feel that I would like them to do their job and just leave me to get on with mine! I am spoken to as if I am an idiot... things like ' it really is very important to read to him at home.' Umm, I know this My eldest is a high flying grade A student about to take 14 GCSEs... I am more than aware of the importance of work at home but it just is not right for my son at this time, if that makes sense?

The teacher spoke to me about his behaviour when he comes in from playtime. He is often rather hyped up and then distracts the class. They remove him to a year 6 classroom and he just sits there until he can behave. This takes him 20 odd mins. I suggested that they need to stop him racing about play fighting with the other boys at break time.. THIS is what is hyping him up! They tell me they can't do this. I'm not sure if it is right to remove him though?

He's not 'naughty' per se. He fidgets and won't settle - although at other times he concentrates perfectly - mainly with Maths and science projects!

Part of me thinks he is just a 6.5 year old boy. Part of me knows that he should be able to read 'something' by now - he hates it that he can't. And a little voice at the back of my mind wonders if he is somewhere on the spectrum... but I am not sure about this!

no real advice but just to say my son is like this too.

my son is not yet on the SEN register but I think he should be. Can you tell me how the School Action Plus thing came about?

We also have huge problems with homework. Our teachers sound more sympathetic than yours and homework of any kind was actually removed for a short time.

I don't know what the early signs of dyslexia are, but in DS' case I think the issue is something to do with perhaps a devleopmental delay affecting the processing of information?

A private assessment sounds the way to go for you, but in our case I'm not going down this road as think he would be unlikely to co-operate

DS can also read mum! must be one of those easy ones!

In my kids school they have brp which stands for better reading partnership. In year 1 they screen the year starting with the eldest and choose 4 at a time and they go with Mrs S 3 x a week for 1/2 terms. My daughter was with her for nearly a year. How is he with his phonics, dd was on some books which were 3 letter words. But this was 3 years ago and i can't remember the title. As for dyslexia hopefully someone else can help you. Have you got a library near you, maybe he would like to choose a book for himself.

It is amazing what exposure to reading can offer to children - tell the teacher to sod off (in your mind) and instead of forcing him to read to you, ask him to choose a book - ANY book - and read to him.

It can be a catalogue, the manual to your car, a "big kid" book - but let it be his choice, and read it right to the end.

Go to the library and explore audiobooks. Let him listen to stories, and lose himself in them... but take the "book" anxiety out of the picture. It sounds like the school has made forced reading so unpleasant for your DS that the sheer thought of having to look at a book himself is too much for him to tolerate

My DS was VERY similar to yours wrt reading. Some time in Y3, it "clicked" and he discovered that books had the potential to be awesome. He is 14 now, and it can be like pulling teeth to get his nose OUT of a book.

From the sounds of it, the school are doing everything they can so why don't you help. Instead of looking for a label for your son, do what the school are telling you to do and read with him every night for at least 20 minutes, however much he complains! My DD was the very devil to learn to read and it took a lot of time and tears but we did exactly what the teachers advised and now she reads well and is confident with books. Too many parents think that teaching a child to read is down to the school alone - it's not. They need and want your help/involvement. Do you read books to your son? Do you read books for pleasure yourself so he sees that reading is fun? The school are doing what they can - now do your best and see how he's doing in 6 months time. If he still has a problem then, perhaps the school would support you in having him assessed. Sorry to be blunt, but I really think you should give it a try and not just look for excuses and labels.

Ah he won't let me read to him. He can't concentrate and will fidget/talk/hang off sofa etc. He has zero interest in books, although will sometimes look at ones filled with his current passions - space and Egypt!

Bassing - well, he was just on SA and then they decided he needed to see a speech therapist. I was highly puzzled by this - he can talk! So, to engage with an outside agency such as a speech therapist he needed to be upped to SAP. That was the only reason they elevated him.

We saw the therapist- she said there was nothing wrong with him. As did the optician and the bloke who tested his hearing

Could be on spectrum, could be dyslexia, could be anything but probably is something. School have decided its crap parenting which given the range of things it could be seems least likely but most convenient for them. My ds has autism and finds reading easy as he rote learns everything. He struggles with blending phonic sounds as its not his preferred method to sound things out. He did his phonics test today and failed by just 2 marks and I'm really proud because that is amazing for him. However the emphasis in school on the phonics test has been insane and children who don't read this way have been forced to spend vast amounts of time sounding out and blending. If he fails the test which seems likely then school have to put in extra reading support next year and children have to resit the test again. So there should be catch up reading groups set up. You can ring council Edicational Psychology service yourself and ask them to assess as school have not bothered. You can apply for statutory assessment you may not get one but school will have to show council what they are doing for reading and behaviour. There may be outreach dyslexia or behaviour specialists school can use. If need be write to school formally asking for written confirmation have ruled out any underlying condition for your son such as dyslexia or autism. They will not want to put it on writing but once they see you are starting a paper trail may do something. Or you can look for another better school.

Cathan - thanks for your input. Of course I have read to him and insisted that he sit with me. I'd like to know how you would enforce this with a child who is screaming with his hands over his ears? What would you do, out of interest? Just shout your way through the book?

Agnes - I am about to have him privately assessed for dyslexia as that seems a good starting point. The school won't do it until he is in year 4 - I am not going to wait that long. They continue to teach him phonetically... he cannot learn phonetically.

Another point cathan - I am not on the search for a 'label' to absolve me of any blame or to appease my crap parenting by the way. Labels get the right support though imo.

is cathan one of his teachers?!

I don't really know what School Action is to be honest. It is possible my DS is on school action and I don't know about it. How do you find out this stuff?

speech and language therapy can be open to all types of children, including those that talk well but perhaps have comprehension issues with reading stories for example.

I would go with your instincts about everything. I felt we were going backwards with books and have bought flashcards and ipad games and these are helping. These were my own ideas but the teachers are supporting me.

your DS does sound a bit spectrummy. definitely with the special interests.

I havent got long so havent read everyones replies in depth so may be repeating a few things and apologise :)

DS is 7 coming up to 8 and he is now only attempting to read. He has what is called a specific learning difficulty in reading and writing (I think its another way of saying dyslexia). We label things, bought him a laptop and he has to spell out to his best ability what he wants to see on it with our help. Quite often children with a reading issue do have a good photographic memory? so they may not READ the word but know what it is by its picture iyswim?

He also has sensory processing disorder. Going out to play can hype him up and he goes out 5 mins early, same for lunch and then comes in 5 mins before the others to enter the classroom quietly and have some chill down time. Another idea is to give him some heavy muscle work ie carrying books to another class, pushing a dinner trolley to the dinner lady, sweeping the floor. Anything like this can regulate his body. Plus to be honest if he is classroom phobic (like mine was/is) this routine of being taken to another class may be just what he wants?

I am about label and excuses comment. Dyslexia and autism are lifelong conditions not excuses. I suspect speech therapy was because of concerns with understanding language? My son reads well but his understanding of language is severely delayed so maybe your son is not motivated to read because he struggled to understand or process language. You could try online reading eg DS is currently obsessed with starfall. My children will often do online homework more easily. Also reading can be comics etc. DS insists on separation of school and home and its impossible for me to get him to do work at home because he is very rigid about work being with certain people in certain places. If you have on the spectrum concerns then worth reading up on that and talking to school, SLT, EP about those. Trust your instincts I knew there was a problem with ds although nursery tried to dismiss it as stubbornness and he ended up with a moderately severe asd diagnosis

My son has ASD (diagnosed when he was in Y2)so I know what I'm talking about with labels - it's better to avoid having one if you can as some teachers will then see only the "label" and not your individual child. As I said, my daughter took a long time and a lot of work to learn to read - she would cry/complain/refuse etc and made it very difficult for all of us, but we persisted because we thought it was worth trying. It took around 3 months for her to begin to "get" it, but then she made quite quick progress and it was a huge relief. Now she reads at her age level and is fine. I'm just saying that it's worth trying - what's so wrong about that?

Yes and if I had followed the 'school are doing their best' line, I would have believed my son's Y2 teacher who told me he was 'miles off School Action Plus'.

Within 18 months, after my fighting for a diagnosis of ASD and a statement he had full-time 1:1 in school.

Schools don't always know best and you must trust your instinct as Agnes says.

Parents aren't always right but we do know our children best.

I have spent alot of time in school listening to children who have reading difficulties read. Many exhibit evasionary tactics because of very low confidence.

Keep up reading with him and keep him enjoying it. He is getting stressed about this and there is no use forcing the issue to make it worse.

Cathan - your child might be very different in terms of her need. ASD is not dyslexia and dyslexia is not just difficulty reading.

I am not saying that this is what the OP's child has but her instinct is not to push it and that is one she should follow.

Children can lose confidence with reading once they feel they are not good at it and it can become challenging and upsetting.

Learning to read is not a race. It does not need to be forced to some arbitrary deadline or reading age but falling behind is worrisome.

Dealing with that is as much about supporting confidence and keeping a child engaged with books as it is forcing a child to read words. Add to that the concern that these difficulties may stem from a learning difficulty and I think some circumspection is required.

Of COURSE parents should try. Do you think I just couldn't be arsed to flick through a book with him on a nightly basis? It causes him distress - not just a bit of moaning or crying. And I assure you that I am not a pushover... I just instictively would rather go for a nature walk with him with his bug net or let him play some games on the ipad... he loves educational ones like Scribblenauts etc..

I think this dylexia screening test might provide some answers on Thursday. I can then decide to pay for a deifinitve assessment.

But surely the problem here is school is not seeing the child, his difficulties or any label but only seeing a crap parent? Skills don't always just happen because you work on them. There are skills we have worked on for years which ds still cannot do and may never do. If your child needs different teaching you can't get that without showing your child has different needs.

Cathan - why say anything if you have nothing constructive to add?

My own lad has motor coordination and sensory difficulties that CAUSE his dyslexic symptoms. We see a behavioral optometrist & because DS is a very severe case it's taking a couple of years to help him. MOST children with visual tracking/convergence issues (causing their dyslexic symptoms) can be helped in as little as 3-6 months with a prescribed programme of visual exercises.

I consider the £180 I spent on an initial BO assessment to be some of the best money I ever spent as without this help my lad would NEVER have learnt to read/write and neither school nor the LA Ed Phys had picked it up. He'd have been tortured with phonics flash cards well into his teens with no results. (It would have been cheaper but I needed a written report for school etc.)

DS's visual issues will never be 100% cured but they can be helped considerably. I think it's easier to get a primary aged child to do the exercises needed than a sullen teenager so would advise any parent experiencing similar problems to go see a BO just to rule visual issues in/out.

High St opticians don't test for tracking/convergence etc. By the standard NHS sight test my lad has better than 20/20 vision. In Australia ALL children experiencing reading difficulties have a screening session with a behavioral optometrist aged 7 as it was found that in 52% of cases this is the root iss of a child's reading difficulties at this age.

storynory.com is a lovely site for free short audio stories for this age group. It can be nice to pop one on while you get the tea out of the oven and then have a wee chat about it. This gives you a chance to continue building on a child's listening and comprehension skills without a dreaded book in sight if the child is getting a bit phobic about the whole thing.
(Reading is about more than just blending words, understanding language is just as critical a skill to be a successful reader overall).

Ds got to a point where he wanted me to print out his favourite stories so he could listen and look at the words.

Oh and as for schools wanting parental involvement? Mine hasn't provided a reading book for DS since before Xmas and we only got them then cos I kicked up a huge fuss.

Agnes - I don't know actually? I believe because he cannot pronounce the word 'flower.' He understands everything said to him and he uses comprehensive language himself when he talks. So... he might say upon seeing a black car the same as ours... ' that car is simialr to ours isn't it? ' So, he knows it is the exact same model and colour but know it isn't ours. He's definitely not daft.

Thanks boc - I shall check out storynory when I get home. Sounds good.

Oh and the school are definitely seeing a rather crap parent Because I don't agree with them and I won't do what they ask of me... have him read to me every night. Far, far too stressful for him. And me! I think they think I don't really care. I do though. Well, I care enough to pay £400 for a bloody assessment anyway because I want him taught using methods that will help him.

I am not going to justify the comments cathan shared aside from one thing... we all need to remember that these boards are based on respect. Forcing or coercing a child to comply might work for some families and some submissive children, but it doesn't work for everyone. Iirc, Shouty asked for advice, not criticism. I am sure she is already getting no shortage of that.

If he is willing to look at books about his obsessions, find a book that falls into that category, and see if you can engage him with it. It sounds like there has been a lot of negative association for him with books - leave the book on the table, let him discover it... talk about the pictures, maybe read a caption or two under them (this is where looking for books without thought to the reading level is helpful... your options are a lot broader). Make up flash cards of words on the topics he likes, and play a fly swatter game. Spread out the cards on the table or floor, give him a fly swatter and have him swat the card with the word you call out. Start with only a small number of topical cards, then gradually (very gradually) increase the number, then start adding in sight words that are off topic.

There are also some excellent websites that teach by stealth. I have a feeling miniShorty would not respond well to the "overtly" educational websites, but giving him a chance to explore might start to open doors.

Some children learn phonetically, some learn by rote, some are a combination. In my (extremely limited) experience, those who are scientifically minded tend to do better with rote learning. particularly in the early times. Forcing them to do anything else will slow them terribly. Once they have managed to lay the foundations in their minds (and created their own rules for reading), then they can expand them to fit all words... which is the time you hear that they suddenly "click".

Sadly, I think that the school has done a number on you as well as miniShorty, and you may well be anxious about reading with him. If he is sensing this, he'll feed on the anxiety and it'll all spiral. This is why some games, or self directed exploration (of course, if it is internet related, with supervision) might help to bridge the chasm the school has created.

Oops - miniShouty ... sorry