More House, Frensham

[Dededum]

Posted in Education, but probably get more response here, so apologies for the double post.

DS1 struggling in state school year 7, thinking of moving for year 8.

He has mild ASD, increasingly anxious. Needs a more nuturing, understanding environment. Going to see More House next week.
I know some parents with kids there so have a very positive feeling about the school.

Really my main concern is about the academics. My son is bright, not sure how bright because at the moment stuck in the top of the middle sets. I am not a snob about academics, education is about so much more. But I do need to make sure that they are set up for brighter kids and there are enough of a peer group for him to interact with. I will be asking that question, but also any more that I should ask??

Any stories / thoughts much appreciated.

Posted on More House yesterday. I sent my son's statement to the school and they didn't want to know.

I suspect, like most SpLD schools, they are more the mild dyspraxia, bit of dyslexia type rather than proper ASD aware.

I know someone with a child with ASD there who is very positive about it. He was school refusing in his previous mainstream school but is now happy to go to school and making progress.

I suppose it depends how much effort they think your child is.

My child requires OT, SLT but he is very bright and has no behavioural problems. They didn't even want to discuss it. Just straight rejection - he needs far more support than we offer children here.

At least I know where I stand - quite brutal rejection in a one line email almost on receipt of paperwork. Not particularly impressed with their tone.

Perhaps they are being more cautious after Stanbridge Earls who advertised but clearly had no idea how to deal with proper ASD issues. Right up until that judgments many advocates were promoting that school as appropriate for children with ASD too,

Perhaps my very specific and quantified statement was off-putting. I suspect many Indy SS are used to woolly, vague statements leaving it up to them to decide as 'experts' what they think is best. They don't want statements (and parents) telling them.

Many times on this board, we hear parents accepting woolly statements what they get what they want in Pt 4.

No problem inappropriatelyemployed - I have enough experience of ASD kids to know how tricky other people can be. It must be disheartening to know that a school which specialises in difficulties can't take on your child.
The admissions lady has a reputation for being quite difficult herself.

My son I would imagine wouldn't be too much of an issue for them. He doesn't need any additional support other than in learning how to deal with people appropriately. He has a good day today so now I think I should just leave him where he is. He will survive his state comp no doubt but don't see him thriving.

IE The problem we had was that most schools thought that ds was far worse than he was after reading his statement.

This isn't because his statement was inaccurate but because they hadn't taken into account how hard we had fought for it. The LA's original offering was 12 hours access to TA, no SALT, no OT.

If we'd gone with that a place like More House would probably think he was ideal. They just assume that the statement our kids have got now were the first, or close to first suggestion of the LA, and subsequently are probably considerably more complex than their average student, rather than because they have considerably more tenacious parent than their average parent iyswim.

If you think it is the right school, don't give up.

I remember telling our solicitor that ds' current school was out because they were so clear that there was no way they could take him and she laughed and said 'Why are you being a pushover now of all times?'.

I'm really really happy with where he is. It isn't perfect and I have some concerns about his long-term placement there but I don't regret pushing and insisting that they saw him despite the battle that it took. In many ways, getting them to agree to even see him was one of the biggest challenges despite everything I'd been through until then.

Thanks, I think you're right but I am getting arsey (or more arsey than usual) these days. I have had enough of persuading people to help him. He deserves a warm supportive environment not a one line get lost. I don't ant to be battling with a SS who can't be bothered doing what needs to be done either. Not saying they would, but Dededum I hear there isn't a strong culture of parental involvement there - perhaps we have heard similar things.

It's not even in the same county and we'd have to move. Frankly they don't deserve him.

And why do Indy SS all have blazers and ties and call their heads 'headmasters' and 'head mistresses' - up their own arses,

But IE, the choices are limited, and what they are.

You're arsy and you're tired. God knows I'm tired.

It should be so simple but it just isn't. Make a decision and then get on with making it as good as it can be. Even HE won't be everything it needs to be.

Your ds DOES deserve far better than a response from a school that can afford to shun potential clients, based on the shoddy competition, but it's the climate, and the 'shunner' isn't the whole school necessarily. It might be different.

'And why do Indy SS all have blazers and ties and call their heads 'headmasters' and 'head mistresses' - up their own arses,'

It's to attract the wealthy and give an illusion of a 'posh' education.

I think you should rest and re-think tbh. I'm not saying the school is right but maybe your ds also could do with a revisit to the perspective of a fresh and naïve mummy.

I know but I am not fighting for somewhere where I don't even know it will e the right place. Retaining as much control as possible in this world of total wankers is the only way I can retain any peace of mind.

The choices are easier when some schools can't be bothered. It's another ticked off the list - move on.

They won't even let us visit star, I haven't a clue what the place is like and frankly I don't care.

I could spend my life chasing schools. I'd rather concentrate on those who show willing.

I SO want to set up a small school in my garage....Our kids have so much potentially wasted potential.

I met 'the couple' and they seem like nice, normal people to me. An elderly couple whom I hope will still be running the place until my son finishes in about 9 years time. No idea if we have to do battle year in, year out to keep the statement going though.

They treated us with respect and dignity, something that we are not used to at my child's current 'outstanding' state school. And we are by no means wealthy nor posh. We are sincere, kind and intelligent people.

To the OP, my son has above average intelligence. Due to his severe specific learning difficulties and also autism spectrum disorder (problems with processing information); he has never had access to the National Curriculum all these years.

At this stage, all I care about is that he is free at last from all the bullying he has endured over the years. The academics will follow no doubt when he finally gets taught in the way that he learns.

Enjoy next week, I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Great - good for you. But they didn't treat us with 'dignity and respect'. Get lost in a one line email is not very sympathetic to parents looking for schools.

Perhaps you looked before the Stanbridge Earl debacle when a school like this (SpLD) was exposed as having very little real understanding of ASD.

Perhaps you don't have a statement which requires specific provision?

I am not sure why you think you being 'sincere, kind and intelligent people' has anything to do with anything but I am glad you think about yourselves in that way and can share that with us.

I am obviously a piece of crap as is my son and not one if the special people they are kind and respectful too.

Either that, or I would suggest that they can't be bothered putting in olace very specific ASD support rather than generic as it would be costly.

Has your son even started there?

In appropriately, I am sorry you got the reply you did. I really thought from your post, this could be the school for your son.

I contacted another school who did not want to know of us so I know what it feels like. I just moved on as nothing else I could do.

FS helped me with my statement.

Take care.

My ds has a similar profile to IE's and I also considered More House. I'm being supported by FS too, and she gently redirected me, as she said it took a "one size fits all" approach.

Thank you Summerloading, interesting what FS said.

Dr Claire Scott recommended this school for a friend of mine her son. He has AS with a very high IQ. She hasn't checked them out yet.

I better warn her, I wouldn't want her to have the same experience as Inappropriate.

DS1 has a statement that requires specialist provision - Ayres suspended equipment for his OT sensory integration 1:1 with onsite OT; Johansens auditory processing 1:1 with SALT, 1:1 with SALT plus social skills group of five. Each week. The vast majority of the LA funded pupils have been to tribunal and their statements are far from wooly. DS1's head said that it is important to s & q parts 2 and 3 in order to keep placement at AR.

DS1's school do not have blazers - the head, who is completely down to earth, said at tribunal that they were not 'posh' and she did not want to give that impression besides which a lot of the kids have sensory issues and that this was their priority.

You just need to find the right school for DS. Does it have to be all boys or catholic?

nostoppingme - I think it is behavioural issues More House are particularly negative about.

Yes Dededum, only behavioural issues.

In fact, my son keeps telling me x y z need to come to his new school too. All his mates who are ASD (varying degrees).

Let us know how you get on next week.

Today I was thinking no he will be fine at State, but then he came home and had a meltdown, hit his brother. He tries hard to fit in, but he doesn't. He is just different, immature, he gets laughed at, teased, pushed. He should be able to deal with it but can't. He doesn't understand, he is August born, small, not sporty. The school have been great but there is only so much they can do.

In a terrible way, I want to keep pushing him back into school so he realises how awful it is for him. At the moment I have been working with school and reducing the stress for him so he can cope. He has made two friends and doesn't want to change schools.

Nostoppinhme - what year is your son?

He is in year 4 so will start with them for year 5.

So sorry to hear your son is being laughed at, teased, pushed and all that awful stuff :-( :-(

Fingers crossed, MH and your son are a match!

We went to see the school, very positive and DS1 is booked in for a trial day on Monday. He is very anti any school so not interested in moving. I could bribe him to go on Monday. Trying to get my head around whether I should leave him where he is or push him to move. Impossible to call really.

I have only experienced the state system and actually went to the secondary he is at!

Interested in stories of what has changed for your boys?

• is there bullying
• tried new things when before refused
• improved self esteem
• more understanding of other people
• interested educationally

Thanks

"nostoppingme - I think it is behavioural issues More House are particularly negative about."

"Yes Dededum, only behavioural issues."

Mmm, well my son doesn't have 'behavioural issues' thanks but he apparently needed too much support for More House.

I translate that as needing too much specifcally worded and enforceable support for them

I am coming to the conclusion that if you have a vaguely worded statement and schools can do what they like, they don't mind so much