Does this sound like a lot of homework for the home tutor to leave?

[claw2]

She has left

maths worksheet, where ds has to copy the sums into a book and give the answers (6 x table and division facts -18 sums in total)

Literacy, he has to read a worksheet, then answer 3 questions about the story, including the moral of the story

Reading book - read 10 pages

French - draw pictures of all his family, then label them in French

Handwriting - tracing and writing words

Ds has done the reading and literacy, answering 2 out of the 3 questions (he couldn't answer the moral of the story and when I told him what the moral was, he refused to write it 'because he didn't know')

We have then had rolling around on the floor, head butting chairs and windows and refusing to do anymore.

We are now taking a break and I will try again later.

However the tutor thinks I should 'punish' ds by removing his x-box, TV etc, etc.

Ds couldn't care less if I removed his x-box, TV or whatever, he would rather have the 'punishment' than do the work.

I have using rewards, up until the homework increased, they were working. None the same applies ds would rather not have the reward, than do the work.

What to do?

What period does the homework cover? Is it intended to be done on one day, ie. given today, hand in tomorrow, or over a few days?

Done today, handed in tomorrow

Do you think she's trying to prepare him for school, where he will have 6 hours of learning a day? It's a big step up from just an hour with a home tutor.

He is 9 and he gets an hour a day home tuition.

However today is the first day of homework increase. He usually gets say maths and reading (a couple of pages). Apart from if he refuses work with the tutor she leaves it for me to do.

He will be returning to school very shortly, part time, probably 2 half days and I am assuming tutor has increased the homework to try and get him used to a more demanding school day.

Yes Lougle, x-posted with you

Just seems like a huge increase in homework overnight. I appreciate the school place has all been very rush, rush, so she hasn't had much warning

Does she usually leave homework? It can be a problem if he feels his 'school' type work is with her and he's back at 'home' when she has gone as some children with ASD do like to stick to that home/school divide rigidly.

Do you work with him usually in addition to the tutor? Do you have set hours for work? Can the work be done instead of what you would have done with him?

Maybe it just needs more gradual planning - increasing incrementally so he doesn't notice. It may just be the change and step up.

X-posted to some extent

More importantly the methods I normally use are just NOT working.

I could punish ds by removing everything or reward him, neither will work. Now what?

A gradual increase in the work, would have been ideal, but ds will probably be starting at school next week and I dont see how now just increasing the homework greatly for a few days and increasing his stress levels, is really helping to prepare him.

I agree with zzzzz that it isn't really homework - if home is 'school' then it's just independent school work.

Having said that, I'm not sure I'd be pressing it at 9pm - he needs to be settling for a good night's sleep or his session with the tutor will be fraught.

IE I have working more on his social/life skills and getting him to interact with us again, leaving the house, get dressed etc. Getting him to eat, sleep etc.

Going to the shop with money and letting ds pay, we have been writing songs together, shopping lists etc (handwriting he finds very difficult) experiments with corn flour and getting messy, making menus to try new foods, letting ds do his own shopping in Asda, making cakes and preparing food, making Viking ships, going to the park, social club etc, etc.

I now that probably sounds like I haven't been doing much, however, a few months ago, ds was refusing to leave the house, refusing to get out of bed, get dressed, eat, have a bath. Barricading himself in his room, refusing to interact, breaking down in tears if I even spoke to him and self harming.

He has only recently began interacting and engaging with the tutor.

zzz if ds refuses to do work with her, she sits in silence with him until the end of the lesson and then leaves it for me to do!

She first tries forcing him, which just totally doesn't work. He then just curls up in a ball and stays that way until the end of the lesson.

Lougle ive given up for tonight. We usually work, break and reward, work, break and reward and so on.

I have been trying to lengthen gradually the work, before break and reward, so we have more work and less break and reward.

We had been doing well, with no refusal or no rolling on the floor or head butting things and more work than break and reward.

You know what its not ds that hasn't coped with this very well, its me!

We were doing so well with ds just sitting doing his reading and maths, we had got to the point where he didn't need the break and would just do the work and have the reward.

I assumed he would just be able to do the extra work. I should have used break, reward before he got to the point of no return ie rolling on the floor, head butting etc.

I agree - this can't be seen as gearing up for school as nothing but school will be school and that will be an adjustment to get used to gradually. Extra work left by a home tutor won't prepare him for that.

How much longer have you got before you don't have her any more?

Different things work for different people but DS likes to get his work done between regular hours e.g 9-12.30 and then he is free. We will take trips in to town to do the social stuff too and do some history stuff at the same time and use the bus which he will pay for. So we mix it up.

But he likes work to be done in one lump in a regular time slot and to know what he is doing. If I wanted to change that, I would have to do it gradually

zzz well the rewards are not actually rewards as such, its tokens for his x-box for example, its more like the reward is earning your privileges if that makes sense?

We usually have a movement break hence why I referred to it as break, my lazy typing!

When we first started this months ago, ds was refusing to engage with the tutor at all. Any work she left for him he was refusing to do and self harming.

So to start with we doing more breaks and rewards, than work. Until yesterday we were doing work, no breaks and just a reward, so real progress!

Today work has increased greatly and I thought I could just increase the work, as he was doing so well and came unstuck, I should have planned for it better.

He did the normal amount of work he usually does, then we had total melt down when he was asked to do more than usual.

Tomorrow I will try and plan it better

IE everything has been really rushed, I literally found out about the placement had been confirmed yesterday. Although school and medical needs unit were already making plans the day before.

I am expecting ds will start next week, probably for 2 half days, although this hasn't been confirmed yet. So she wont be coming home to tutor for much longer at all.

Will he have one to one support when he starts? Do you get a time table so you can prepare him for what he will be doing?

It is just my opinion but I don't think the tutor has the right approach to engaging your ds, and it sounds as if she is making him worse. I would ghost write the sums into the book & get your ds to work out & write in the answers to start with, it breaks down the first hurdle ( you can backward step doing less for him as he gets, hopefully, more willing?).

Could any work be around your ds's interests, at least temporarily, rather than something he is not interested in? My ds will write a story sometimes if it is about some of his obsessions. We usually start by discussing what the story could be about, I try using humour to inspire him, because I know he likes that. If he says something I will write it down on scrap paper and he might copy it into his book.

Ds has a timetable for school, sets out subjects/activities.
My ds gets homework, usually a maths worksheet, spelling (write words three times, put in alphabetical order and write a silly story using spelling words) plus some reading. We have been advised to prepare a timetable for at home, at the moment I verbally prepare him as we walk home from school:

Get home/get changed/go to the toilet
Have snack play ds/computer
Do homework
Have tea etc

He still usually refuses to do the hw - I don't threaten to withdraw rewards because he shuts down, says " I don't care" then gets so upset. Now I just tell him what we need to do, then leave it whilst he starts his refusal routine (I ignore without making it obvious I am ignoring and without responding to his actions). I get the worksheet, show him the first problem, start reading and then stop, usually he will continue from that point. I ask him a question, if he answers verbally I ghost write the first sum, letter, word or sentence depending on how bad it is going, then he writes over what I have written, when he realises how easy it is he continues. This is after 7 months of hw refusal/meltdowns, things are starting to get easier. I don't make him do it all, I never make him write his spelling three times.

We have a wall painted with blackboard paint and we use that to do work on - he enjoys it more than writing in a jotter and he can have fun doing other stuff on the wall.

There is no way I could get my ds to do all that work in one evening, I don't know the background to your ds's school situation, but I suppose I would be looking for him to go back without resistance, and then build up the work slowly?