Does this sound like a lot of homework for the home tutor to leave?

[claw2]

She has left

maths worksheet, where ds has to copy the sums into a book and give the answers (6 x table and division facts -18 sums in total)

Literacy, he has to read a worksheet, then answer 3 questions about the story, including the moral of the story

Reading book - read 10 pages

French - draw pictures of all his family, then label them in French

Handwriting - tracing and writing words

Ds has done the reading and literacy, answering 2 out of the 3 questions (he couldn't answer the moral of the story and when I told him what the moral was, he refused to write it 'because he didn't know')

We have then had rolling around on the floor, head butting chairs and windows and refusing to do anymore.

We are now taking a break and I will try again later.

However the tutor thinks I should 'punish' ds by removing his x-box, TV etc, etc.

Ds couldn't care less if I removed his x-box, TV or whatever, he would rather have the 'punishment' than do the work.

I have using rewards, up until the homework increased, they were working. None the same applies ds would rather not have the reward, than do the work.

What to do?

It may be a bureaucratic form filling thing. DS1's tutor had to fill in forms each month indicating the hours tuition. There is an 'anomaly' in EOTAS in that excluded non-medical pupils are legally entitled to a full-time education but medical pupils are only entitled to a minimum of 5 hours per week. There have been challenges to this but LA's seek to argue that the 5 hours is supplemented by independent working to the extent that the child can cope with. I have email evidence of the head honcho reminding EOTAS that DS1 was a 'tribunal case' and that all had to be water-tight.

It may look 'neater' if integration into school is preceded by an increased ability to work. She gets to tick the boxes safe in the knowledge that you will work like crazy. You do the work and she takes the credit. DS1 never had homework and I was never expected to get him to complete work he had not done in the session.

She is just the wrong tutor and DS needs to get away from her asap. I feel so sorry for him . She has been his sole experience of school for months - that's enough to put anyone off. When DS1 had unsuitable tutors for a couple of weeks it was like his worst nightmare because they were just as bad or even worse than the worst teachers he had encountered whilst at school and had now invaded his home.

Thanks Tapselt, ds has been out of school since June last year, he returned briefly in September, then out again in October and hasn't been able to attend since. School anxiety and self harming. He started home tuition in Jan.

The home tutor will be attending school with him and providing one to one support for the transition period of this term. He has a placement at indi school with specialist provision.

He was doing fine until the work increased yesterday. He will be starting school next week, so the increase is due to this. Just seems a bit counter productive, to try and increase just for a few days to 'prepare' him for school. Its having the opposite effect and just stressing him out.

Had the work increase been done gradually, he would have coped much better. To just more than double his usual work didn't work too well. He did the usual amount of work, then total melt down.

Admittedly partly my fault, as I should have planned better for it and maybe I could have got him to do a bit more.

zzz he didn't engage with her for months. He would refuse to come downstairs, refuse to get dressed, refuse to eat. I had to carry him down kicking and screaming in his pj's. She didn't want my help or suggestions.

I then made motivation/rewards charts (same as what I use), ask that ds be allowed to do a 'show and tell' show her something that is off interest to him at the START of the lesson and talk to her about it. I asked she use movement breaks etc, etc. Her method up to this point was to just to try and force him to do things, kinda you will sit up, you will do what I ask and then sitting in silence for the rest of the lesson.

He started to engage and work with her, come down stairs and be waiting for her, dressed. She has now stopped using all the above and reverted back to her forcing whenever ds refuses. Which then results in ds refusing to engage with her again, refusing to come down, get dressed, refuse to eat, cant sleep etc.

Its like she then realises her forcing isn't working, reverts back to being 'nice' and actually trying other ways of getting ds to engage. Like yesterday, she spent the lesson reading to him, while he was curled up in a ball.

I would add her thinking is well meaning. Sort of Oh we have a week before school, lets give him some French to do for a week to 'prepare' him. Oh he struggles with handwriting, lets him give him more handwriting for a week to 'prepare' him etc, etc.

I am just thinking its a week, only a week, doing something for a week or even less, isn't preparing him, its stressing him out, at an already very stressful time for him.

Poor you Claw and I feel for your ds - does the tutor have experience in working with children with ASN? I would be very tempted to give your ds a day or two off the school tutor/school work, in the hope it breaks the negative cycle. Go out and do something completely out of the norm that you know he loves one day, then the next day I would be looking to try and talk to him/prepare him for his starting back - but mainly I would be trying to break away from the negative and try and focus on any positives no matter how small.

So your ds did do his usual amount of work and refused to do more? Praise him for what he did do, then see if he will choose what to do next - give him a choice of two things only, if he doesn't choose then say you will choose this time and he can choose next time? Big up anything that you might do after that is done, sometimes I will write a sentence for ds leaving out words then jokingly pretend I can't figure out what is missing - ds responds to humour as long it isn't being used too obviously/forcefully.

Do you have anyone else involved, Camhs or anyone who can observe ds and give appropriate/constructive solutions that the tutor can use? It just seems like the tutor doesn't have the depth of understanding/knowledge required to get the best from your ds? I know the absolute guaranteed way to get my ds to shutdown completely is by trying to force him. Does the tutor have settling in time with him? 5 mins to talk about what he has been doing, time to talk/prepare him for the work ahead? Might be worth having scrap paper for planning, prompting and writing down your ds's verbal answers? Any engagement with homework/school work being praised?

Do you use a timetable? It might be good to have one that prompts the tutor to do the stuff that was working? It would help your ds, but the tutor would also be following a routine your ds accepts and benefits from.

Its exhausting Tap for us both, any stress then results in him not eating or sleeping. He was in bed at 9.30pm last night, with his medication, but still not sleeping until 2am. The not eating has then resulted in him becoming anemic again. The stress then results in him refusing to get dressed or leave the house again. Its a vicious circle.

Tutor works for the PRU unit and apparently has experience of working there too.

However, he has had made huge progress compared to a few months ago and these are only set backs for a few days usually.

Yes he did his usual amount of work, without too much fuss. Then had a total melt down, hitting himself in the head with his pencil, crawling on the floor, head butting chairs and windows etc (how he was a few months ago when asked to do homework)

The letting him choose, but controlling the choices is how i made progress, along with the other things I mentioned. He was doing really well. No self harming when asked, no refusal etc, etc.

CAMHS are involved, however they have said that seen as his self harming and anxiety stops when he is out of school, they wont get involved again until he is back in school.

We used to start the lesson at my request, with ds being able to show the tutor something he is interested in and talking about it for 5 minutes, which worked well. She did this for a couple of weeks until it worked, then stopped. She then transferred the show and tell to the end of the lesson 'if you work hard, we do it at the end if we have time', then they never have time! She has kinda missed the point, about it being about getting him to engage at the start of the lesson!

Same as the reward chart and tokens I prepared and gave her, she gave ds a token for various things. This stopped once his behaviour improved, as did the timetable I prepared, movement breaks etc, etc

The last couple of days (increased work) we start the lesson with ds refusing to come downstairs and me having to carry him down, with him screaming 'no, please' repeatedly and him curling up in a ball.

Anyhow it will only be for another few days, I have had confirmation, he will start for one half day, next week.

I have spaced the work left by her today into more manageable chunks for ds over the weekend. So hopefully, no more meltdowns