God what do I do with my poor DS?

[inappropriatelyemployed]

He couldn't get to school at all today. He has only been going in for part of the day with me. He was wailing and crying about putting his uniform on and how he can't cope.

Where do we go from here? His third school. One period of HE already. School will do whatever they can but he can't cope and I worry I am damaging his mental health.

He finds it so hard to explain how he feels but he can';t cope with kids at school. We went to a special school to look around yesterday and he wouldn't look in the classes and got visibly stressed out at a glimpse of a child in a far off corridor.

What do you do?? CAMHS? HE? This can't go on.

I don't know Bad tbh.

It's over. We have the LA. We have the school for ds and the transport. We have the school for dd and subsequently baby ds, and now, we have the house.

It's over and I think I might be falling apart. I miss my dad. He was given 3 weeks to live 2 years ago and in that time I had to appeal the AR statement to remove all of ds' provision, and fend off a DLA fraud allegation. Just a couple of months before he had attended an NAS Help! course off of his own back.

Since that day we've been on the warparth, on the run, fighting forward and defending from behind. We didn't know if we'd be able to get onto the property ladder here at all ans houses were going unseen and for above the asking prices which were completely out of our maximum budget. Though we have just done it.

I don't know who my DH is. I don't know if I'm the same person that married him. And my periods have just returned after 10month old baby ds so I expect there is also some hormone stuff going on.

Ah.
:(
Am so sorry.
You have never really had the time to grieve properly for your dad have you? So lovely that he attended the NAS course! You must miss him very much.
It's so hard.
We push ourselves and ours marriages and other relationships to breaking point at times and then sit down after the battle is won/things get easier and think "who is that person sitting over there? Do I even know them anymore?"
And then we look in the mirror at the grey hair and worry lines (this could just be me though!) and it's the same.
I wonder sometimes where I went. And when I noticed I wasn't me anymore.
Moving house is uber stressful (I did it twice in 2011 - yes, I know!) and I am sure your hormones are not helping ATM either.
It's doubtful that either you, your dh, your dc or your marriage have come out of this unscathed.
Time to relax (I know, I know...) and start putting yourself back together again.
X

Oh yes. I look in the mirror and wonder why on earth my dh could ever find me attractive now. I used to be.

DD said to me this morning. 'Mummies are cross, tired because the baby feeds all night and they have to put on lots of make up to cover up all their spots don't they?'

I AM tired, I am spotty and god knows I'm cross.

I'm really sorry to hear that star. It does sound like shock or stress. Moving from one period of change to another with no time to think or adjust.Take care

IE...paying £600 for an EP report that told me nothing I did not already know and which school ignored is one of my biggest regrets.
I know my son was not the most in need at his school.
There were/are kids with more complex needs.
BUT my son was being failed - also by a useless NQT strangely enough - and I had had enough.
I thought - and it makes me laugh now - that if I paid that would help the school and ds would get the help he needed.
Sigh. Yep, I was that stupid.
Too many kids like my ds are sitting at the back of classrooms slowly getting further and further behind and less and less engaged with their education and mire and more hampered by their anxiety but, hey, they don't throw chairs or bite people so that's fine, right!?

Sorry.
Just gets to me sometimes.

Sorry IE for hijacking.

There is now a society for ABA regulation. However it is new and those for whom it has the potential to affect businesswise were quick to volunteer their services. This would be expected so I don't dismiss it on those grounds and have joined as a lay member/service user and will wait and see. I think the top people who are setting it up have good morals and ethics and hope they manage to keep them.

When ds1 was a baby we went through a really tough time (as you know)
It wasnt until he was toddling and finally meeting his milestones (and sleeping for more than 2 hour stretches!!) that I fell apart in a spectacular fashion.
I managed to keep it together through hospital admissions, possible cp dx, constant worry, no sleep, countless hospital appts....and then when I knew I could stop worrying I collapsed and ended up in hospital with a suspected stroke.
(Sounds more dramatic than it was really)
Ds1 was 17 months old at the time.
I suppose what I am saying is I get it.
I am not the mother I hoped to be, that's for sure. I am exhausted a lot of the time, a bit shouty and dh and I are like ships that pass in the night sometimes!
But I am trying very hard to view this as another stage I have to go through. Not an end point, a stop in the journey iyswim?
Sorry for thread hijack op!

Don't apologise Star. I'm glad you explained it to us. The whole process is very traumatic without the death of a loved one to deal with. I can't imagine how tough that was.

As for being tired and spotty, well I think I will start a club for that. I never had this many spots when I was teenager!

Badvoc - I agree. As long as our kids 'look normal', job done. That seems to be a favourite one from SLTs who have been in the class "you wouldn't know it was him who had Asperger's". Well he's fine then, as long as he didn't look different to you. Sod how he feels or copes.

Badvoc - it is amazing how you have to get used to living day to day. You can't think too far ahead as you don't know what is going to happen- or I can't. All you can see is the next battle.

I find that stressful but DH really can't get he head around that. I think perhaps we are forced to adjust quickly and earlier and they are cocooned by work to a certain extent and still have some expectations of normality.

Expectations I have long since surrendered!

IE...I know.
I had that attitude wrt my son from pre school.
:(
I am spotty too ATM! Have also lost my voice again for the second time in 8 weeks.
I sound like Barry humphreys (and nit in a good way!)

Argh!
I meant Barry white!

:)

Tee he!

And apologies - this thread has got so big i thought I was in the goose and carrot, earlier :o

It's been a long evening.

Apologies not required. Hope you got your drink.

Maybe we should open a bar here, star

I have a mug of sleepytime tea. Off to the new Sainsburys, tomorrow. Tummy permitting, I think there will be wine in my trolley.

Oh yeah. I'm used to just carrying a virtual hip flak so any thread is a bar these days......

flask

grrrrr

Star

Post-adrenaline flop + post traumatic LA stuff + bereavement

• ongoing ASD stuff + small baby + middle child 'neglect' guilt
• house move + no money + career break + hormones

It wouldn't be odd to admit symptoms with that collection of life events; it might look a bit odd if you denied feeling completely burnt out.... You're not in Herts now If you want counselling /CBT / Prozac or just a series of chats with a decent GP, it's safe to see the dr and get them.

Mareeya, I attempted to seek some help 18 months ago but the GP stated that 'disagreeing with professionals' plus 'paranoia' were symptoms of a personality disorder.

Having said that I do think I'm a bit too awkward for CBT.

I feel like I need to be signed off work for 6 weeks, but how does that work when you are a SAHM? Does the NHS send round a nanny, cook and housekeeper?