God what do I do with my poor DS?

[inappropriatelyemployed]

He couldn't get to school at all today. He has only been going in for part of the day with me. He was wailing and crying about putting his uniform on and how he can't cope.

Where do we go from here? His third school. One period of HE already. School will do whatever they can but he can't cope and I worry I am damaging his mental health.

He finds it so hard to explain how he feels but he can';t cope with kids at school. We went to a special school to look around yesterday and he wouldn't look in the classes and got visibly stressed out at a glimpse of a child in a far off corridor.

What do you do?? CAMHS? HE? This can't go on.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I don't need her blessing. I was hoping she woukd give a bit of direction, but tbh, the zzzzz manual seems appropriate, doable and importantly supportive, so perhaps I'll just stick with that.

I always know HOW to teach with years of ABA stuff, it is WHAt to teach that I struggle with as it is too vast.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

wow, I have missed all this as we have been out 'Warhammering'.

Now talk about functional language skills

I understand what you mean about where to start Star. I know exactly what DS's problems are but having a pathway to build skills from scratch is easier said than done.

Zzzz's approach is helpful. The beauty of DS not being at school is that we have focussed on these practical things. So instead of 2 x 20 mins SLT groups a week with a useless TA and peers he can't relate to, he has been in shops asking where to find meringues, in the library explaining he needed to replace his library card, paying for tickets on a bus and WARHAMMERING with a bloke he had never until yesterday!

You tell me what is likely to help him more in life???

So, yes, there probably is a limit to what they can do in school. In life, building skills is a limitless task.

[MareeyaDolores]

You don't need the professionals for a 'programme', if you know your dc and their needs. They do sometimes come in handy for trouble-shooting, second opinion, someone to bounce ideas off.

Just dont call it ABA for SLT skills, call it specialised parenting and encouraging his daily life abilities... and when you hit a bump, you can ask for tips 'because my approach is just simple mothering"

[MareeyaDolores]

The only professionals (NB including those whose main profession is parenting) who really know about integrating theory, practice and individualisation, to the level expected on here, are those who learned it via their own dc. With psychology or teaching undergraduates who moonlight in SEN / caring far behind, in second place.

The high flying academics are in their own elite race, but seem to have something in common with our rag-bag half-marathon,

The rest will catch up, but the cutting edge is here

[MareeyaDolores]

Exactly!

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Yes, but I think it is why we lost our first tribunal. We coukdn't afford many professionals so I was doing most of it.

They rules that it was nothing special, just parenting and woukd continue without a £23k Funded ABA programme.

It didn't of course because it wasn't sustainable at that time, but I think that was the rationale. That his home programme was 'just' parenting and we shoukdn't get money for that,

[Badvoc]

Whatever you do will enhance his learning.
I am certain of that.

[MareeyaDolores]

But you can avoid a lot of flak (and thus avoid distracting professionals into timewasting defensiveness or feelings of inadequacy) for doing weird stuff aba/ diet / home ed / therapies etc, simply by integrating it into normal life

[MareeyaDolores]

I see what you mean star (cross posted) so can understand why exploiting similar ignorance now (rather than fighting it) might feel odd

[MareeyaDolores]

Bad and IE, how amazing are your boys

[Badvoc]

Thank you :)
Star...every therapy and every intervention that ds has had we have paid for and provided ourselves. From workbooks, computer programmes to rrt.
Schools only contribution (other than the teachers comment above) was to put him into a speech and language group! Wtaf?
One of the only areas ds had no issues!
My epiphany has been a simple one.
That if I wanted to help my son I had to do it myself, and not rely on someone who would get paid whether my son made progress or whether they did their job effectively or not.

[streakybacon]

The beauty of DS not being at school is that we have focussed on these practical things. So instead of 2 x 20 mins SLT groups a week with a useless TA and peers he can't relate to, he has been in shops asking where to find meringues, in the library explaining he needed to replace his library card, paying for tickets on a bus and WARHAMMERING with a bloke he had never until yesterday! You tell me what is likely to help him more in life???

Exactly this!

What a ludicrous argument that children need to be in school to develop social skills! Day to day interactions like this, on such a regular basis that they become instinctive, are what matter and are infinitely more beneficial.

[Badvoc]

An. The old socialisation argument!
I never understood it tbh.
Why is it seen as "normal" to put our dc with other dc of roughly the same age and expect them to all perform to the same level in the same way? When will that ever happen to them again?
Most odd.
When HEing ds met so many different types of people and did so many different things that he would never have for to do at shcool (the HT at his current school actually admitted this when we went to see her about him joining the school, in fact she was very positive about HE)
I think with older dc it's even easier as they can volunteer their time at hospitals, schools, volunteer centres etc.

[Badvoc]

Yes. My ds missed the social side of school very much.
In fact, I see school as a totally social thing for ds.
Any improvement he had made is down to us.
It if he is happy and being made to feel supported at school then I am happy.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

DS ended up not even talking to any other child at school. He wouldn't even be near them. School is a social hell for him. Not much chance of learning or practising social skills there.

I can see the reasoning if children are getting something out if it. DS2 moans about school as DS1 is off but he is popular, has loads of friends and loves playtime. He would lose out if he was HE.

For DS, needing to learn basic skills and to find his voice, how is that achieved amongst a load of stroppy 10-11 year olds? What skills are his peers modelling that he needs for later life? It's all just a load of codswallop to justify mainstream schooling.

SLTs drive me mad in this regard as how can children who need to be taught skills specifically pick them up by osmosis from their peers??

[Badvoc]

That HT sounds great justa.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

justa - I am sorry your DS is struggling. I have flexi schooled for a period as well as HE and flexi school worked well.