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Original poster

God what do I do with my poor DS?

474 replies

inappropriatelyemployed · 03/05/2013 15:45

He couldn't get to school at all today. He has only been going in for part of the day with me. He was wailing and crying about putting his uniform on and how he can't cope.

Where do we go from here? His third school. One period of HE already. School will do whatever they can but he can't cope and I worry I am damaging his mental health.

He finds it so hard to explain how he feels but he can';t cope with kids at school. We went to a special school to look around yesterday and he wouldn't look in the classes and got visibly stressed out at a glimpse of a child in a far off corridor.

What do you do?? CAMHS? HE? This can't go on.

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Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 07/05/2013 08:19

That sounds very similar to DS' current school Badvoc and he still hasn't been able to cope there.

I do feel I have been jamming a square peg into a round hole for far too long. You can't make school, even a kind caring school, be anything other than a school with lots of children and changes and noise etc. I think he can't cope with that now.

But as you both rightly say that doesn't mean he won't be able to cope with it forever and dealing with now is what is important!

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zzzzz · 07/05/2013 08:44

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Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 07/05/2013 08:47

Well I can't think you guys enough for the support and perspective you have given me - and the strength to do the right thing.

You are amazing!!

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ouryve · 07/05/2013 09:46

Yes. Ds1 is in that small, caring village primary and they've been lovely with him - really bent over backwards. It still has lots of other children for him to contend with, though, and that will always be extremely stressful for him.

This thread has further strengthened my resolve to push for the school we want for him. 4 kids in a class. Very gentle with the boys. Encourages the boys' interests as a platform to build relationships. Very flexible academically. Boys mostly take lots of GCSEs but not all in year 11. If there is a love of, say, maths or history, they will run with it.

Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 07/05/2013 09:50

Wow - where is that??? PM if you are ok with that.

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Badvoc · 07/05/2013 10:28

Sounds wonderful ouryve!
Hope it works out for you x

justaboutalittlefrazzled · 07/05/2013 10:40

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Badvoc · 07/05/2013 11:20

IE....you could always start your own school :)

ouryve · 07/05/2013 12:05

Have done, inappropriately - let me know if you didn't receive it.

Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 07/05/2013 16:12

Thanks. Too far away from us!

DS has been signed off for 4-5 weeks. GP was truly fabulous and said exactly what you've all said about the fact that if he was an adult, there would be no question of him going to work to collect work if he had been signed off with anxiety etc.

She agreed he needed a complete break and we needed to look at a more suitable setting for him and she will speak to the EP.

Went out into the sunshine today and DS got his haircut! I need to get my boy back.

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streakybacon · 07/05/2013 17:53

Excellent news! It makes such a difference when you've got supportive people on board, and I'll bet he'll be lots calmer when those 4-5 weeks are up. Maybe then you can use that progress to strengthen your argument for how damaging school has been for him.

Really pleased for you both Grin.

zzzzz · 07/05/2013 18:02

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Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 07/05/2013 19:37

Thanks. Is that a school zzzz?

Interestingly, he passed a crowd of teenage foreign tourists in town today and stood to one side and let them past. He then just merrily chatted about where they might have come from.

At school, he would have run a mile. I also set him little jobs while out like asking where the meringues where. He did it no problem and even said 'excuse me' first.

Now if that isn't evidence that school has been f*ing him up, I don't know what is!

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zzzzz · 07/05/2013 19:43

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Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 07/05/2013 19:47

Mmm, that's an interesting point as I was just saying to the GP today that even SS have a routine and a school structure and DS just doesn't seem to be one of those people who like that.

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MareeyaDolores · 07/05/2013 20:11

Its not just the education though. Schooling as originally designed, was intended to shape subsistence farmers and self-employed craftsmen into model factory employees.

And surely, even then, it must have been obvious that there were some square pegs who would never be made to fit round holes.

Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 07/05/2013 21:54

I agree.

Should I just lay off anything like 'formal education' at home? I was going to let him relax, recharge and concentrate on real life

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MareeyaDolores · 07/05/2013 21:57

Dunno. Informal, interest-driven, learning is remarkably effective though (see how much we all know about SEN now Wink)

Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 07/05/2013 22:08

You are good!

He is interested in learning about so many things!

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zzzzz · 07/05/2013 22:45

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justaboutalittlefrazzled · 08/05/2013 02:15

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Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 08/05/2013 07:38

Wow indeed. I made extraordinary efforts when I HE for 6 months last time and the social 'curriculum' was such n important part of that.

This what worries me - I don't have the time to do this now! And if I do, his brother will get very jealous!!

I am also concerned that, at the moment, any kind if formal learning will be a massive turn off so I think we just need to introduce it gradually in another way.

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Badvoc · 08/05/2013 07:56

We joined an HE wildlife group. Ds loved it.
We also took part in a forest school.
He also did a day at RAF cosford and met an astronaut!
All this is in the future for your ds I realise but HE doesn't mean it has to happen in the home! :)
I bought a second hand potters wheel at a car boot and ds did pottery.
He helped his GM make a costume for himself (a snow leopard) and he we met other HE parents and kids at local parks etc.
Without exception they were all being HE because school was harming them in some way :( I would say 80% had autism/asd.
Another thing I loved (ds2 was not school age) was going for trips and hols in term time! :) much cheaper! :)
We baked (maths) we did bug hunts (science) we read books and visited libraries (literacy).
We visited museums and talked a lot about history.
He watched a lot of DVDs.
It is hard work. There is no doubt of that.
But so worth it :)

Original poster
inappropriatelyemployed · 08/05/2013 08:08

I agree and we did lots of stuff last time. He is not officially HE at the moment but signed off and it is a complication with DS2 who is happy at school but will want to be with us if we do exciting stuff.

Going for a play this morning with an HE kid so it's a start.

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