God what do I do with my poor DS?

[inappropriatelyemployed]

He couldn't get to school at all today. He has only been going in for part of the day with me. He was wailing and crying about putting his uniform on and how he can't cope.

Where do we go from here? His third school. One period of HE already. School will do whatever they can but he can't cope and I worry I am damaging his mental health.

He finds it so hard to explain how he feels but he can';t cope with kids at school. We went to a special school to look around yesterday and he wouldn't look in the classes and got visibly stressed out at a glimpse of a child in a far off corridor.

What do you do?? CAMHS? HE? This can't go on.

Your dad sounds lovely, Star. I'm all choked up after reading about him.

Yes. I think you BECOME controlling.

You hand your child over to the system that pretends to know what they are doing, and you are let down, and your child is damaged, and this happens over and over. You try and change that by changing schools/teachers/years/tutors/TAs/HTs/attendance levels etc. but promises are made and not kept.

And then you become a control freak without trust.

Anyway. I have an idea.

Perhaps I'll pull ds out early at the end of term, perhaps 2 weeks from the end (As he'll be tired etc etc. being so young etc.) as the HT told me this happens sometimes (not sure whether she was encouraing it or not but at least it sounds doable) and I'll have a go whilst dd is still in nursery in the mornings.

I agree Star. Like someone else said on this thread about the time I have spent fighting for DS, what could happen if I applied that time to DS. Or words to that effect.

Losing control to people you don't trust - not always becasue they are malicious or useless but often because they clearly don't understand is the pits. Receiving a bill for £600 for the pleasure of their witless advice, really was a new low for me.

I agree about your dad btw. What a super bloke.

Streaky - where do you get your tutors? Do you advertise?

Let's all go to tribunal to get statements rewritten
so only a "StarDad Memorial" flexi-free-homeschool can fit the bill... And then the powers that be will have to fund it

Lots of the non-SN mums keep dc off cos they're 'under the weather', 'looks a bit peaky', 'over-tired', 'going down with something', 'just wanted the dr to check his chest' and similar half-truths and nonsense.

And we drag our stimming, shut-down, anxious, stomach-in-knots, kicking and screaming dc in, day after day, all term, without complaint ( on here doesnt count). FFS. We're the parents. If they need a day off, or a week, that's our fundamental responsibility. Truancy laws notwithstanding.

Well my ds' placement costs around £40k with transport, so I reckon we could hire a classroom in various locations around the world for a month at a time and maybe even have one on the trans-siberian express.

Or we could spend the first 6 months planning for something that would meet the sensory/rigidity/independence needs of all the children. Finding common interest/ground and learning about empathy and looking out for each other would be a major focus.

Who wants to be on my staff?

Me, me me!!

The system is bonkers. Mareeya - you are so right. The time I have spent dragging that poor child into a hostile environment.

Never again. Never. It might not be HE all the way but it is not going to be m/stream.

And to think this moronic Government is trying to kill off flexi-schooling. How much more money does it cost a country to pay out for inadequate support for years?

I simply can't understand why councils don't want something that is cheaper and better. ESpecially since there are good staff trapped in the system. And even the lazy, aggressive, empire-builders should like that, taking the credit for our hard work would make them look really good, and smooth their paths for promotion.

Because it isn't about money.

It's about control. They want control.

Then they're shit so we want control. But they won't give it because that would be admitting that they're shit and that their work is pointless.

So I removed ds from a neglectful preschool where he was regressing and then asked for support with his needs. The advice was to put him back into the preschool. In fact, we were offered additional funding for him to do extra hours there , but no funding for an ABA tutor to the tune of the same amount.

Me too!
I could teach art history and Tudor history and make cakes :)
(I can also do country dancing. It's my secret shame)

I could do politics and citizenship!!

I can also play netball!,

I've had two tutors from University Tutor and they've both been excellent.

The first was a final year psychology student who'd done placements in autism assessment and had a decent understanding of how to work with children like ds. As she approached the end of her time with us, her sister was just finishing A levels and moving here to come to Uni, so she joined us. She already had an awareness of ds from her sister and she settled in brilliantly. She's done some amazing work with him in English - don't know what I'll do without her when she graduates in 2014 .

And I only pay her £10 per hour , but I give her lunch as well.

Blimey, that's good.

There are none in this area and the nearest ones all charge £20- 30 an hour plus travel

Try UK Tutors - I know some students advertise on there as well.

But yes, if you don't live near a big university town it can be difficult to get student help.

Hmm, we just need to bring the ABA people together with the PDA people, and then set them to work devising a curriculum for high-functioning, non-ASD adults with rigidity and control issues

(I mean LA staff... but maybe the uni students could go in undercover as temps, and start the programme. Normally you'd need consent, but I'm sure an ethics committee would understand

rofl mareeya,

But tell me this. Which one of us control freaks would be the HT?

Well, me obv!
:) :) :)