I know why- it's all the birthday stuff, but has really hit me this year. Perhaps 7 is a milestone. My friend's ds sent a card with lovely writing in- really lovely writing- he's 2 weeks younger than ds1. And although it was lovely to see, it just made me feel so sad. I rang up my friend to say thanks, and we talked a bit about it- she saw ds1 almost every day from birth until we moved when he was just short of 3. We saw her again last year for a day and I know she was shocked when she saw him, and she said this week that what has happened to ds1 is "a f*** tradgedy."
Anyway point is I feel so raw at the moment, and really angry when I see everything normal around me and I haven't felt like this for years. It's kind of come out of the blue. I seem to have had a week of people ringing me up about normal stuff and I feel like telling them to f off, because I get so angry with them. Why do they think they should be different to anyone else, why should bad stuff only happen to others not them? So do lots of hmming and haahing and oh reallys and get off the phone. Then feel bad and bitter and twisted.
We've had the details through about the tomcat bike (the thousand quid one). It would be good for ds1, but we can't afford thousand quid obviously and yet I feel too guilty to apply for funding to a charity and I know our household income is more than many people's - and I'm sure they'll take on look at it and reject the application.
I'm hibernating until it goes away, usually these things last a week then go, but if anyone can think of anything nice to do (no effort though please energy is way down) please let me know. I should be writing a buisness plan (for a competition) but have no energy. Actually if I write a questionnaire (for the competition) will you lot fill it in for me online? That would give me something constructive to do.
I'll feel silly when I read this again, as its so self indulgent. Someone tell me to buck up please.