Feeling very down/angry

[Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads]

I know why- it's all the birthday stuff, but has really hit me this year. Perhaps 7 is a milestone. My friend's ds sent a card with lovely writing in- really lovely writing- he's 2 weeks younger than ds1. And although it was lovely to see, it just made me feel so sad. I rang up my friend to say thanks, and we talked a bit about it- she saw ds1 almost every day from birth until we moved when he was just short of 3. We saw her again last year for a day and I know she was shocked when she saw him, and she said this week that what has happened to ds1 is "a f*** tradgedy."

Anyway point is I feel so raw at the moment, and really angry when I see everything normal around me and I haven't felt like this for years. It's kind of come out of the blue. I seem to have had a week of people ringing me up about normal stuff and I feel like telling them to f off, because I get so angry with them. Why do they think they should be different to anyone else, why should bad stuff only happen to others not them? So do lots of hmming and haahing and oh reallys and get off the phone. Then feel bad and bitter and twisted.

We've had the details through about the tomcat bike (the thousand quid one). It would be good for ds1, but we can't afford thousand quid obviously and yet I feel too guilty to apply for funding to a charity and I know our household income is more than many people's - and I'm sure they'll take on look at it and reject the application.

I'm hibernating until it goes away, usually these things last a week then go, but if anyone can think of anything nice to do (no effort though please energy is way down) please let me know. I should be writing a buisness plan (for a competition) but have no energy. Actually if I write a questionnaire (for the competition) will you lot fill it in for me online? That would give me something constructive to do.

I'll feel silly when I read this again, as its so self indulgent. Someone tell me to buck up please.

Oh dear Jimjams, just catching up and hoped this wasn't you. Of course its the birthday but that only brings into focus what is there. I agree with whoever said we must defend the right to feel shit and get through it. Trying to fix things all the time doesn't work
I think you should apply to AN Charity to fund the bike. As long as you're honest then its up to them, its not your decision and they will judge you according to their criteria.
There will be much cheering and joy in our house if the Gooners lose tonight (not something you broadcast round here too lightly!) so I'd better get downstairs and do "thoughts have wings" at the telly

Will email you when I have time, btw my tassel is lovely!

regarding the bike thing (i am sure you will already have looked into this) but do any charities rent them out for short periods? at least then you would know if he was interested and if it was worth trying to get the money together!

Jimjams - no helpful words at all I'm afraid but just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and can see that birthdays must be really hard.

JJ - only just read this (was half time when I logged on but prob second half by now). I see a counsellor once a week at the moment and spend much of the time off loading about DS2. I think of it as a kind of pressure valve release (although more expensive than screaming in the garden ). And yes, tbh I do think it's self indulgent to spend money on talking about myself for an hour, but I get to say stuff I would never say to anyone else, which calms me down no end. And she quite often tells me how well I'm doing, what a great mother I am, how much I have to cope with, etc etc, which of course I lap up .

Loads and loads of sympathy from this end xxx

So where is the questionnaire hope you had a beer and watched the footy instead. Much cheering nad joy in our Chelsea household that Arsenal lost.

Apply for the bike - he may seem to not want it at first but who knows - it will give you some freedom BUT control as well. You can always donate it....

Sorry you're feeling so bad.
It's shit isn't it?????

I'll fill in a questionnaire.

BTW,have yuo ever had any dealings with REMAP? (I think Misdee has)
They are a bunch of retired engineers who make specialist equipment for people with special needs.
It's a chariddeeee too.
They've made some fab stuff for our gang.

I agree with everyone else about the bike. Put in an application and see what happens.

In the meantime, bring on the questionnaire! :o

DS3 - who of course has been another source of stress over the last week, today pointed at a bird and said "what is it?". NOw last week he wasn't really pointing properly or saying anything (except mama). He hasn't stopped pointing and chattering this week. But of course going straight to sentences and saying "what is it?" rather than "wot dat" (which I would expect) has me completely and utterly paranoid. MInd you ds2's speech development was weird and his language is weird now (he's not remotely aspie though). I have strange children.

This change in ds3 (and everyone has commented on it, the childminder and my dad- who is mr dozy) has incidentally coincided with the introduction of goats milk. I do not think its related (too weird if it was and he's still having cows milk in chocolate etc) but just thought I'd mention it as its such an easy change to make if anyone wants to try.

DS1 was sent home from school with reading books yesterday, really don;t know what to make of that!

Jimjams, that's great about DS3.

Jimjams - DS never went through a 'wot dat' phase.

Sorry it IS so shit...and that you are now better at it all than the counsellors sipping wine in their darkened gardens et al.

If I lived near you I would come round and do the bike application (I write hundreds of fundraising applications for work) but I know in reality that you'd have to give me so much info, it would be easier to do it yourself. I think you should chuck out qulams about applying - the money is meant for people with children like yours. If he didn't get on with it, could it be returned and sent to the next child approved by the charity? Anyway the school is a v good idea.

Birthdays and anniversaries and anything designed to mark milestones of any kind are bound to be extra horrible...I hope you feel a tiny bit better now youy are back to ordinary days.

XXXXX

gosh jimjams, I am sorry i muissed this - I was thinking of what to write and then i noticed davros had posted (hello!!! i wondered where you were!) and now i am wondering wtf the tassle is:o

Just wanted to say though i have been seeing a very good trainee pyschotherapist. She is older than me and we get along very well. i find it morethan helpful. The feeling that i wasnt in control of anything has gone. i feel in control. My life hasnt turned out as i have expected. My daughter, although precious and much loved, hasnt turned out as expected. Its like a bereavement. One only you understand. Sometimes you cant even speak to your own husband and family about it because they dont feel the same, are at a different stage of acceptance or they are fucking hurting too. Tom, Dick and Harry cant even comprhend what you feel and what you are going through. What is happening within your life and within your family, that one you always wanted and had romanticised ideas about, is unique. Its not like in the childcare books, its like nothing on TV. You feel all the responsibility of this little persons life is in your hands. God its overwhelming isnt it?!

Its ok to feel angry, its completely bloody normal. You are not fucking wonder woman:o

Jimjams i just wanted to say even though you are going through all this you still find the time and energy to help so many others on MN - I for one feel indebted to you for all your help and advice. I remember the day ds started pointing and i felt so elated - he isn't saying 'wot that' either but i know you are looking at everything with different eyes. The pointing thing is such a landmark though.

Thank you - lots of food for thought on here. I think Davros you were right when you said it's about having to accept that things can't always be fixed. I think I've realised that recently, but then I feel like I am giving up on ds1. PKP- I think every tom dick and harry not getting it is what makes me so angry. Which is ridiculous, why should they are why would they? I can end up feeling so mad though because so few people really know what it is like.

oh ds3's childminder said he pointed out the window and said "what is it?" today at her house as well (!)

Jimjams I have nothing useful to add but just to say that my heart goes out to you, of course you have every right to feel like this - it's certainly not "self indulgent". Apply for the bike.

LOL at DS3, certain children do that don't they - don't say a word then when they do start to speak, they speak clearly and in 'proper' sentences.

Jimjams, would it help if you drafted your application for the bike - so the basic info was there - and Blu and I knocked it into shape for you? Tamum has my email.

Thank you for your messages and offers to help write the application. TBH the application form is fine, just embarrassing as we need to spell out our hideous financial circumstances . I also need to get a supporting paragraph from someone profesisonal who knows him, so I'll ask his teacher.

I can feel my mood lifting today. I tend to get down weeks after things like assessments and usually know that they're coming. I suspect ds3's SUnderland results had a role to play (although the difference in him this week really is ridiculous), and the birthday thing just took me by surprise. It's been a quiet week I'll get back to normal next week.

Thank you for your messages and offers to help write the application. TBH the application form is fine, just embarrassing as we need to spell out our hideous financial circumstances . I also need to get a supporting paragraph from someone profesisonal who knows him, so I'll ask his teacher.

I can feel my mood lifting today. I tend to get down weeks after things like assessments and usually know that they're coming. I suspect ds3's SUnderland results had a role to play (although the difference in him this week really is ridiculous), and the birthday thing just took me by surprise. It's been a quiet week I'll get back to normal next week.

ds3 was probably just biding his time - watching, observing, working out his world.

Dd2 is a 'reluctant' walker according to various people - she can do it - just choses not to... she prefers to crawl.

My dd2 is older than your ds3 and the msot we get is a 3 word phrase like - milk please mumma ( with some prompting) so for him to point and ask what is it?? I think is brilliant. Dd2 did the pointing thing but no asking.

I guess though it is hard to stop being paranoid isn't it. Glad to hear you are feeling a little better.

Just had an update scan of this thread. SOOOO great that DS3 has been pointing and asking!!! I know what you mean, its a hard balance between accepting that not everything can be fixed and not feeling like you're giving yourself excuses not to try hard enough. FWIW, I think the least happy parents I know are the ones who simply cannot/willnot give up on anything. As our kids get older and we have more of an understanding of their level (iyswim) we HAVE to accept it and work on the things that they have a chance of doing and that are important to us and them.
I've been feeling quite shit in the last couple of weeks and for the first time started to think about the packet of ADs in the bathroom cupboard. All this is mostly due to other parents of children with ASD , their insensitivity, their expectations (of me to support them) etc. I also watched that short video that is going the rounds (I'll start another thread to keep it separate) and, although its good, it got to me. I'll also post it separately so you can avoid it!
Fio-kerplink, the tassel is a gorgeous necklace I got from a website Jimjams promotes (?is that the right word??)