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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

ADHD help

43 replies

queencat · 02/03/2013 22:28

Hi lougle just recommended I post here as I'm at the end of my tether,

I'm a single mum of 3 children 10, 7 and 5. Middle child has been privately diagnosed with ADHD. Her behaviour is appalling and I posted on mental health to say that I'm in the verge of snapping and reporting myself to social services.

I just need help learning how to control my dd that might be the wrong way to put it but she just cannot behave and is making our lives a misery, in short she;
Has tantrums almost hourly, hisses and spits at me, attacks me and her siblings, refuses to sleep, wets the bed constantly, hides poo in her room.

The list is endless.

However she does not do these things for her dad who believes that I paid for a diagnoses. I can't cope with her and its all in my head. He lives with his girlfriend they only have the two younger children at a time as my eldest is from a different relationship,

The school have brushed me off over and over again they had a social communication person go into the school that basically wrote a report saying on always working and dd is tired and unkempt. It alluded to the fact that they don't feel that I am looking after get properly,

Please help me I am just beside myself with stress. I have no one to talk to or help me. Thank you

OP posts:

lougle · 02/03/2013 22:33

Well done for posting here, queencat I'm sure people will come along and offer support.

It sounds like your DD is very stressed - as are you!

My DD behaves beautifully for my parents. Usually because they've got her on her own and she thrives on 1:1 attention and it's quiet, so she isn't overwhelmed with sensory stimulus!

Have you ever had any assessment by an OT?

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 22:36

No I have the OT appointment at the end of the month I've been waiting 9 months for it. There are no private OT's around here.

I don't really understand what they will do though? Private paed did suggest ritalin but as I said in my other post exp says he will take me to court if I medicate her so I'm stuck.

Does ritalin help with the temper? I don't know if its just me and I can't cope.

OP posts:

lougle · 02/03/2013 22:41

Well you may find that your DD is reacting to things around her. That doesn't mean that you aren't providing her what she needs, as such. It just means that she might be oversensitive to noise, say, so she lashes out because of that.

My DD, for example, gets really stressed when it's busy. She doesn't realise it, but she gets wound up like a spring, then the climbing, jumping etc., start.

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 22:47

But we seem to run our lives according to what she wants and I can't change my situation. She wants it to be just me and her but it can't be and she's so angry. Then the other two get stroppy with me as they feel like she rules the roost I can't win.

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/03/2013 22:48

Hi queencat. I'm sorry things are so tough at the moment.

Does your ex have PR?

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/03/2013 22:49

By the way, it is great that your attention is so reinforcing for her. You can do something with that. Bu first you need to assess clearly where you are and what options are available to you.

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 22:49

He is named on birth certificate so I think that means he has PR parental responsibility right?

OP posts:

Icedcakeandflower · 02/03/2013 22:51

Hello queencat, I'm afraid I've no experience of ADHD, but I think Lougle is right. It sounds very much like your dd is experiencing sensory overload, and her behaviour is a consequence.

Welcome to the board

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/03/2013 22:52

Well I think it means Parental Rights.

Tbh he isn't helping, but I guess that isn't news.

Why did you break up if you don't mind me asking?

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 22:57

He announced one day that he loved me but wasn't in love with me then it turned out he had someone else. There was no warning signs even looking back, so the children and myself have gone through 3 years of hell. I can barely remember the first few months I was like a zombie and can't help feeling that this is the result of my going to pot.

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/03/2013 23:02

He sounds like an arse!

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/03/2013 23:03

So, what led to the private Dx of ADHD and who did it?

Sorry for the intrusive questions. I'm just trying to get a better picture.

PolterGoose · 02/03/2013 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/03/2013 23:06

Wot Polter said. I'm just trying to establish the likelihood of your ex taking you to court. I think it's unlikely tbh.

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 23:09

I went down the private assessment route, I wasn't getting anywhere with NHS. The private clinic did a whole battery of tests but can't diagnose dyspraxia.

My main issue is her temper and how she is so negative the whole time she is always saying that she hates her life and why can't she have a better life and she hates her sister. When she talks she sounds bloody horrible and it sounds awful but I really struggle to love her at times. When I think that I pull myself up short and think she must know how I feel and that's why she behaves as she does. I am really doubting myself wondering if I am the cause and actually she would be better off away from me.

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/03/2013 23:12

If you got her some medication would she take it?

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 23:13

I think I would have to hide it in a yoghurt but yes I think she would.

OP posts:

PolterGoose · 02/03/2013 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougle · 02/03/2013 23:16

If the clinic can't diagnose dyspraxia, but did diagnose ADHD, then it shows they have integrity.

She's angry and hurting and she can't express it in an adult way. You need help to see past her words to see her.

What makes her calm?

zzzzz · 02/03/2013 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 23:24

What makes her calm is being left alone or playing on her tablet, but she would literally play on it for hours if I let her.

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 02/03/2013 23:26

That book looks really good Polter!

nennypops · 02/03/2013 23:27

Have you thought about asking social services for help rather than reporting yourself to them? I think that your daughter would count as a child in need and therefore they should be doing a core assessment to identify what help you and she need.

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 23:27

I think the problem is me, I'll ignore it but she will keep on and on and then I just explode and shout which makes the issue a thousand times worse. I'm not excusing myself but when you are alone and been up since 5.30 and commute for four hours a day my nerves are pretty frazzled.

OP posts:

lougle · 02/03/2013 23:28

It sounds like that's her escape valve. For now, I'd let everything else slide and (as long as the content is appropriate) let her use her tablet whenever she needs it. Then, when you have calmed the whole atmosphere down, you can work to setting clearer boundaries.

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