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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

ADHD help

43 replies

queencat · 02/03/2013 22:28

Hi lougle just recommended I post here as I'm at the end of my tether,

I'm a single mum of 3 children 10, 7 and 5. Middle child has been privately diagnosed with ADHD. Her behaviour is appalling and I posted on mental health to say that I'm in the verge of snapping and reporting myself to social services.

I just need help learning how to control my dd that might be the wrong way to put it but she just cannot behave and is making our lives a misery, in short she;
Has tantrums almost hourly, hisses and spits at me, attacks me and her siblings, refuses to sleep, wets the bed constantly, hides poo in her room.

The list is endless.

However she does not do these things for her dad who believes that I paid for a diagnoses. I can't cope with her and its all in my head. He lives with his girlfriend they only have the two younger children at a time as my eldest is from a different relationship,

The school have brushed me off over and over again they had a social communication person go into the school that basically wrote a report saying on always working and dd is tired and unkempt. It alluded to the fact that they don't feel that I am looking after get properly,

Please help me I am just beside myself with stress. I have no one to talk to or help me. Thank you

OP posts:

lougle · 02/03/2013 23:28

Hey, queencat....I posted yesterday because I popped my DD's balloon....on purpose!

There are no parenting awards here

Original poster

queencat · 02/03/2013 23:29

I'm frightened that it will start a ball rolling and they will send the children away, but I'm at the end of my tether.

OP posts:

PolterGoose · 02/03/2013 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougle · 02/03/2013 23:42

It's unlikely, queencat. I asked for SS help when my youngest was 9 weeks old. I had visions of her, cute baby, being whisked away.

They finally helped when the youngest was 18 months old. We now get support 4 hours per week for DD1.

They weren't interested in taking the girls, just giving me the support to keep them all safe.

Original poster

queencat · 03/03/2013 00:07

Can I ask what support you got lougle?

OP posts:

lougle · 03/03/2013 00:12

I have a carer who comes on two days per week for 2 hours each time. DD1 goes to kids club on 1 night per week and homestart on another day. That leaves one day where I have no support.

I just couldn't keep the children all safe at the same time due to DD1's behaviour.

ouryve · 03/03/2013 09:30

I don't think that the problem necessarily is you (obviously, I can't see what's going on, so I'm in no position to make a judgement of any sort) but quite often, kids with neurological disorders which can affect their mental health can bottle it all up and be very passive in some circumstances, then let it all out when they're with someone they're comfortable with.

If your DD has her protective shell on and is passive when she's at school or with your ex, then of course these people are going to see no problem. She's the quiet girl who doesn't want any attention.

Also, does your ex just let her play with her tablet non-stop? If he does, then, again, she's going to seem easy because she's not being expected to participate in life in more demanding ways.

porridgeLover · 03/03/2013 09:33

queencat, welcome to the board.
You've had excellent advice upthread from some wise heads.

The comment that got me was you saying that ''I think the problem is me, I'll ignore it but she will keep on and on and then I just explode and shout which makes the issue a thousand times worse''.

I'm also a single parent to a child with SN with a belligerent Ex.
It's not you. The situation you are in is stressful, made worse by the suspicion that there is something wrong with your child and your not having the tools (yet) to handle it.
Go easy on yourself; you may notice an improvement in your DD

As above, chase SS for an assessment for support.
I would also contact the OT service (in writing) to see if your DD can be prioritised in view of her difficulties.
As above, get a diary to note your DD's behaviour.

Original poster

queencat · 03/03/2013 19:00

Does anyone have any experience of Ritalin what does it actually do?

OP posts:

Ladyleia · 03/03/2013 19:23

Hi queencat, my DS1 is on Concerta (which is a version of Ritalin). He's 11 years old and has been on it for a year. The meds are quite good in that you know very quickly (within 2 weeks) if they will help with your child, and also that they work from breakfast to supper. This means that your child takes the pill after breakfast but it has worn off by about 5pm. I like this as it means that DS is not medicated all the time.

It definitely makes him more organised and more focused. He is a lot more able to engage with adults and chats in a more 'normal' way. This might be different with your DD as DS has possible Aspergers (still on the long road to getting a dx). It really is amazing and he has made massive strides at school which in turn has helped his self confidence and his willingness to be involved in activities etc.

Hope this helps and happy to answer any other questions about the meds.

Original poster

queencat · 03/03/2013 20:05

Thanks Lady has it calmed him down? I don't know if he was a tantrum thrower but dd is so angry I'm hoping it will calm her down.

OP posts:

MareeyaDolores · 03/03/2013 22:20

Yep, ds1 has concerta too. It gives him 1-2 sec more thinking time between having an impulse and actually acting on it. Which doesnt sound much, but makes a huge practical difference.

DLA meant I could cut my work hours a bit, which helped him too.

MareeyaDolores · 03/03/2013 22:25

When i have 3dc and just me, its a massive struggle. Without meds id probably have seriously harmed ds1 by niw, either through losing my cool or just by accident in keeping the others safe from him.

When there are 2 dc (eg if dd is at dance) and dh is here too, we manage fine even if we forget his meds. You aren't a bad parent. This is simply the effect if different adult: child ratios.

If your dd doesn't need her meds when she's at her dads, does he even need to know she has them with you?

wasuup3000 · 03/03/2013 22:53

RE What does the medication do - It is thought that a child with ADHD doesn't make enough transmitters that pass the information through the Brain - the medication helps make more of the transmitters so the information has a better chance of getting through- very basic description but that's technically what it does.

RE Behaviour google 123 magic it can help with thinking about handling her behaviour better in a way that suits you by recognising what those behaviours are.

RE The private diagnosis - are you waiting to see someone on the NHS too?

How exactly is your ex going to stop you giving your daughter Ritalin? He doesn't live with her day in day out, he doesn't see what you are going through as a family. How exactly is he going to stop you? You have a diagnosis be it private or not it won't matter in a court room and no judge will question it. Trust yourself and do what is best for you and your family.

MareeyaDolores · 03/03/2013 23:01

Don't be alarmed if the NHS opinion notes a few extra 'traits' of (for example) ASD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, auditory processing

ADHD is often a special offer disorder (eg buy-one-get-one-free SEN)

MareeyaDolores · 03/03/2013 23:06

Tired and unkempt have NHS solutions:
'Melatonin' helps with the first (natural medicine so they sleep)
occupational therapist helps second (sensitivity to showers, clothes etc)

coff33pot · 03/03/2013 23:57

Hi queencat :)

DS is on Equasym XL and its the best thing I have done for him despite being in turmoil with it.

It lasts for 8 hours and he has it in the morning after breakfast. Only 10mg not the full 20mg dose. I do not give it to him at weekends either just the 5 school days and then only if we are going somewhere that could increase his anxiety levels.

He has had the flu as we all have and as he was at home I didnt give him his meds as a weeks break/trial of my own once he perked up he had a mahoosive anxiety attack was nervous, angry with himself and others and back to not understanding the reactions of others mood. Drastic going back in time feeling that even poor DS said he didnt like feeling like this anymore.

These meds plus occupational therapy input in school and home helped him to lose the impulsiveness and to be able to stop and check before he reacts. It has helped him to work out when he is being ridiculed at school and to remove himself from situations where as before he would have hit out in frustration. He TALKS to us instead of reacts.

As he is maturing I will see how it goes but for the moment its a godsend and helping him learn coping strategies of his own.

ouryve · 04/03/2013 11:34

I like your description, mareeya. DS1 certainly has plenty of letters after his name. There was definitely a big multibuy offer, the day he was born.

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