Judgement day is upon us......

[bishybashyboshy]

I have just received an appointment through the post from CAMHS, all observations and info has been collected. This is it! This is the moment we have been waiting for for almost 3 years, God I feel sick, but at the same time I feel as though all questions will be answered and relief is on the horizon. At the moment I am thinking towards the lines that it is me, but that's ok I can do something about that however gutted I may feel if that is the outcome. On the other hand if it isn't me I will have some kind of info to use to help my son. Wow I thought my emotions were mixed up when this all started but it really is nothing compared to what I feel like right now.

What's the appointment for?

Sorry, I am shaking as I type, it was a blurt everything out post.
Doesn't say on the letter but it will be whether my son has Dx or no Dx for ASD.

Hi, bless you, similar boat, I have less than a week til appointment now. My head is all over the place, just tell me the results! My OH is being most weird. Frantically in planning mode about holidays, house alterations, you name it, he's planning it. I don't care about any of that, I just want to know the outcome. I guess it's his way of coping. But it's not my way of coping!

Okay. Bear with me. I'm a bit blunt but I'm trying to get to the bottom of this to hopefully help.

Why can't they tell you without/before the appointment? Why do you have to sit like a lab rat in their presence? Why can't you absorb the information in the comfort of your home, and then go to the appointment with your questions afterwards?

Startlight ... I agree with you! That's why I keep checking my voicemail every five minutes! I am not in quite such a state of nervous tension as the OP, but it's grim waiting (and enough to drive you more than a little bit crazy).

LOL. No I meant it. It wasn't rhetorical. Phone them up and say that's how you want it to work.

And if not, ask for the reason why.

I've just read your post & my stomach did somersaults as it made me aware of the long difficult journey we've got ahead. I'm right at the very beginning of the diagnosis process & still coming to terms with it all. I wish you all the best & hope you get all the support you need.

Oh dear, is this not normal procedure?? You can be as blunt as you like that's ok StarlightMcKenzie , but I don't know the answer to any of those questions, although I am now asking myself that, and now my tummy is doing somersaults.

Starlight I know you meant it! lol I don't know, maybe I'm scared they will tell me. I might be happier being in denial for a few more days! OP, hope you get the outcome you want. Hallybear, good luck!

It probably is normal procedure, but so what? If you feel it is unfair or unkind challenge it. It is YOU and YOUR FAMILY that this affects. You don't have to be rude about it, just let them know that you feel strongly that you want to receive the news in the post and use the appointment to go into the detail and ask the questions that you have had time to think about - if you want.

I'm not telling you what to do. I knew ds had autism at his appointment so I was just getting impatient in the appointment when they started listing all his strengths in the run up. I didn't have days of wondering and worry, just days of impatience.

BUT, they should be trained to be sensitive to the needs of their client group and if you need things to be done better differently, just say so.

I think that's a fair point. It is very uncomfortable waiting for the news and I am observing some very strange behaviour in my hub who has maybe stayed in denial a little longer than I have. OP, if you really can't wait, maybe give them a ring. Like Starlight, I'm pretty sure I know the answer already, no one at school, Ed Psych etc have tried to tell me different, in fact I get the impression they still think I am in denial if they communicated with me properly, I could tell them I am not

I have to add, that when they started listing his strengths I didn't agree at all.

I think that is because they were 'strengths' in so far as his ASD was concerned, rather than what would usually be described as strengths and blimmin daft. i.e. 'He has a lovely singing voice!'

Ok just had a litte sit back and assessed over a we as parents never had any concerns until they were highlighted to us. Then after lots of panicking, researching (good in some ways-bad in others), upsetting the school along the way, getting a referal to CAMHS with the mixed feelings of we need to know to help-we don't need to know because we never had any concerns, questioning ourselves as parents, upsetting the school some more, being warned by the school that they are watching me after I upset one of their prized teachers, not coping with everything very well for a short period of time eg unable to hold a converation with anyone without bursting into tears, no sleep, massive weight loss because the shear guilt that I may of let my son down, Then actually questioning whether along the way I have made something out of nothing IYKWIM . I am going along with they want to be there for me to help if I don't take the news that it is ASD too well OR They are going to tell me it is me and send me off on a PPP course, but either way there will be answers. Don't know if I dare ring them now TBH I'm even more nervous than I was before.

All sounds very similar though I have somehow managed not to fall out with the school yet Would it help if I told you I have just emailed the comm paed's secretary?!

Oh poor you. That does sound really hard indeed. Bet you don't know what to wish for.

how old is he?

WadingThroughTreacle I am not the type of person who likes conflict, I prefer to blend into the background I have been on constant pins for so long now (It doesn't take much for me to worry, I have always been the same) I just want it to end.StarlightMcKenzie my gorgeous boy is almost 8, the actual diagnosis process started well over 15 months ago, and I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to ring CAMHS up and tell them to just leave it. But then I cast my mind back to the struggles he has had over the previous years and I need to know if it is because of underpinning reasons.

Good luck x

Oh me too! My little man has single handedly prevented me from blending into any backgrounds in the last year or so, with his meltdowns and malarkey but I've got over that and somehow managing to hold on to a teeny bit of dignity. Honestly I have had all the same worries as you, and I am still having them. But really I am pretty sure it's ASD now, but I do lay awake at night thinking is it all my fault? But yeah, I've always been a worrier too, so that plays a part. Try and keep a good relationship with school though, see if you can turn it around, even if they don't deserve it. I think life gets v horrid if school are against the parent.

Just thought I would bob in and update everyone on the outcome of mondays appointment, my gorgeous Ds has been given a Dx of Aspergers. I think they had picked up on my thinking it was all my fault because I was reassured that it was not because of anything I had done or not done otherwise they would be telling me exactly what that was. Now I feel really calm, relaxed.....but at the same time as though something is missing .

Bishy, I didn't see your thread last time, but just wanted to say I'm glad you have had a definite DX, much better than not knowing, even if if it's Aspergers rather than a bit of poor parenting!

I was very calm when I got my DS's DX but crumpled a bit later. I used to well-up for years after at random moments. But it's certainly not all bad, if anything it makes me even more proud of his little achievements. Be kind to yourselves for a while, it takes a bit of time to properly sink in, even when you have expected it. X

Bishy - I don't see your thread last time, but even though you need some time to absorb this, at least it means that you have a firm DX and now you can start to access help for your DS. - and it should mean that the school will be more helpful now too. x

I've name changed since then, do so regularly, but that's great news! I also got DX a few weeks ago, ASD. I was very relaxed for first few days, gone through a bit of a dodgy patchy and okayish now. How are you doing today?

ps I don't lay awake at night any longer thinking is it my fault? I just lay awake thinking how can I do this better? It does hit with a thud after a while but the inner turmoil is gone. And also, even though I've known for ages really, now I think OF COURSE he is ASD, how could I ever have doubted?

Congratulations on getting the right dx for your son. My life changed so much for the better once the condition had been named and we could learn and employ strategies to help him.

Yours will too.